Blood and Fainting

I had two "first experiences" today, and without trying to make a big deal out of either of them, I want to tell you about what happened cause it was the only really interesting thing to happen to me in a while. First, I gave blood for the first time. I've never been able to because of the African countries that I had visited. I wasn't looking forward to it, but decided to just shutup and do it anyway for the "general good". So I get there and do all the paperwork and sit down in the chair, put on my sweatshirt and hat and turned up really really angry rock music as I prepared to get poked with an enormous hollow needle. I usually make jokes with doctors because I hate being there and especially getting poked and it's my way of coping with it.

So I sit and watch the needle enter my skin and it doesn't feel so great. But the stupid woman couldn't find my vein, so she DIGS the needle a little further and moves it around a bit to find the vein. That angry music is fitting in well now. For like 10 minutes I had to sit there and move this thing around my hand so the blood would flow faster, and it REALLY felt weird---though kinda cool to see my blood flow out.

So whatever, I get done, chit chat with some other people from my chuch and walk to the cookie table. All is well, no problem. I sit down and ask for a diet coke as I look upon the feast of cookies, and especially the peanut butter cookies. I start talking to this guy beside me. He asks how I did and I said good.

Now here comes my second "first time" thing. After I said good, I suddenly felt like crap, like a wave, and I said, "ACTUALLY, I don't feel good!" as I started to lower my head a little. My head went cold and tingly and it felt like someone was pushing me down from my shoulders.

What seemed like the next morning after a long night's sleep, I opened my eyes and everything was blurry. I saw about 7 or 8 dark circular objects in my view. I closed my eyes and thought I was dreaming---opened them wide, and still saw the objects. I couldn't hear anything either. I was lying on my back and mny feet were straight up in the air, being held by a doctor. My vision began to clear and I started to hear something.

"Cough!!" I looked at somebody like they were insane. "COUGH!" she said. So I coughed, not knowing why. I started to hear and see more. All these people were gathered around me, staring at me. I couldn't move for a minute- I had no idea where I was or how I got there--seriously, no lie! It took about 15 or 20 seconds for me to figure out that I had passed out. I eventually had the strength to sit down in a chair and I sat there for like 45 mintes, drinking, eating and making jokes about me fainting till I got normal again. I gotta tell ya, it was the WEIRDEST feeling ever!

I still feel really weird and weak though! Like, all during dinner, an hour after it happened, I couldn't form sentences to my parents well. Anyway, so even though it kinda sucked to get poked and felt really out-of-body and surreal to faint, at least I can now say that I've done these things and I couldn't say that before!

They're Just Not That Into You

I once heard of this book called, "He's Just Not That Into You". It's written for women who can't take a hint from men when they try to give hints to the women that they don't hate them, they're just not that into them. It's not anything terrible against the woman, it's just that there wasn't a connection, no "chemistry", and it talks about signs you may notice from a man who's maybe trying to communicate that without hurting your feelings.

I've never read this book, mind you, maybe because I read into hints a bit too much - or, I 'take the hint' maybe too easily.

But this idea connects to my single most annoying trait about myself. I hate it, and if you're my friend you probably hate it even more than I do. My problem is that I can't get over things quickly when someone hurts my feelings. I've recently realized that this trait must run in the family, because my mother and sister are the exact same way.

Someone may hurt my feelings, or something stinky happens, and sometimes I won't be able to "get over it" for days and days. This anger or grief makes me literally shut down to the point of extreme laziness and apathy. Sometimes, unless that person apologizes or the situation has been resolved, I easily hold grudges for a long time. I don't mind forgiving people, but if that person doesn't apologize then it's a different story.

Like today for example... a supposed "good friend" proved to me that they didn't want to her about my mission to Slovakia, by requesting to be taken off my e-mail newsletter. To most people this is not a big deal--but to ME, this says they don't want to hear about the most important thing in my life right now, and they simply don't care about it. They're just not that into me and what I'm doing.... which makes it hard for me to break this pattern of noticing that a large portion of people I know just don't give a crap.

Maybe I've read into to it too much, but this is part of why I, Ande, am so annoying because I'm too darn sensitive. Maybe I'm this way because all my life I've been told to basically "Shutup and get over it" for EVERY THING that hurt and my brain is finally like- yeah well I'm NOT gonna get over it, and instead I'm going to complain about it to myself for days just to rebel!

Grrr....I had to get that off my chest, thanks!

Another 3 Bite the Dust

For some unknown reason, I think I have entrepreneurship running in my veins. I haven't been able to really bloom in the field, because well, you usually need hundreds of thousands of dollars to start something big like I want. But since I was young I started gathering information about businesses, how they work, what works and what fails, etc. I've also kept an attentive eye on businesses around the city I live in.

In Mebane, North Carolina, business is hard for most. Since I can remember I would see businesses come and go, and come and go. Just in the past 3-4 days I've seen 3 businesses bite the dust and go out of business. One is a coffee shop, another is a used crap store, and another a coffee roaster. I've been watching and waiting for these to go out and it's absolutely no surprise to me that this happened. The coffee shop had terrible coffee, the used crap store...well, what used crap store WOULD stay in business?...and the coffee roaster never advertised.

I don't understand why people start businesses without putting enough thought, research and investment in it. I wonder if it's a southern thing, or a moronic thing? My friend commented on a bakery she works and and said, "They're from the North, they know how to do it and do it right." It's sad really, to see so many stupid people investing their life savings into stupid ideas and ruining their finances for the rest of their lives. My family was one of those businesses that failed in Mebane, resulting in completely ruining us, almost to the point of bankrupcy. It's sad. So the fact that some day, some how, some way, I'd still love to own a business, should either be telling you that I'm a stubborn idiot who will fail, or I've got something better to offer than the places that fail. We'll see what paths my life lead I guess.

So, moral of the story? Don't start a business unless you've done your research, and don't start a business in Mebane.

My Online Store

So here's my online store I'm working on. It's NOT official or public yet because I'm putting stuff up here for The Building and it hasn't been approved by the coordinators for public use (or at all). I don't want to get in trouble for putting this up! I'm experimenting with it for the future, but you can see my progress :) Enjoy. http://www.cafepress.com/fizzmedia

Why Did You Move to NC?

So many people have been asking me that question since I moved back to Mebane. So for those of you reading this that still don't know the answer to that, I will explain it...

I got fired for going on this mission back to Slovakia. They gave me an extended grace period of 4 weeks because they needed to use me so I could finish some important projects. This "Christian" organization fired me because they didn't like the idea that they didn't have the upper hand and I could leave whenever I raised enough support. My lease ended on my apartment on that exact same week. So with no job and nowhere to live, I could have either stayed in Orlando, found another job, found another apartment (both of which wouldn't have worked because I had NO idea how long I would have been in the country), and somehow worked full time plus raising support.... OR I could have moved home with little to no rent, got a very flexible job and spent more time raising support. To me, the choice was easy. So I hope that answers everyone's question. I just wanted to clear that up :)

Stupid beach...

I just want to say that I don't like the beach very much, and I'm not ashamed to say it. I've been going to the beach for 25 years, more than once a year and ya know what, I'm not a fan. I don't hate every part of it- like going out at night when it cools down to get seafood, shopping in the little skanky beach stores, going out a little ways to chill in the sea, or sitting on the patio watching the waves. That's all well and good. What I hate is the sand, sweat and salt all mixed together with this guilty feeling of obligation to be on the beach with everyone else who's enjoying it much more than I am. I don't like carrying arm loads of crap just in order to sit on the beach and make ourselves less uncomfortable and then carrying it all back after it's been covered in sand and salt. I just got back from "vacation" with my family and I gotta say, I'm just not into it. I don't enjoy myself. I'd rather be in the mountains or pretty much anywhere else.

Tarantulas

(This post is especially so Craig can cringe...) A few nights ago I was watching the National Geographic channel, right? And a show came on about crazy animals that people around the world eat... okay, a little nasty, but nothing too crazy. Well then before I know it, they show a little toddler eating a tarantula! Not just like, with a fork and a knife on a plate, daintily picking it apart. No, this baby is digging into a tarantula like a birthday cake, with its' 8 legs wrapped around the kids cheeks.

If you don't know this about me yet, I am petrified of spiders and especially big ones and especially tarantulas...no joke. If you want to literally torture me, put one of them on me and tie me up. So it took me about .4 seconds of watching this happen on TV before my brain sent a signal to my finger to switch the channel. Three days later I still can't get that image out of my head! So I've had at least two dreams with tarantulas in the past few days. Last night in my dream I was down in my basement (creepy) and saw them crawling everywhere, which made me freak out when I woke up.

Anyway, they haunt me. I hate them. I wish they were never created.

Voice of a Lion

I often wonder to myself why God has ordained that I have been in Mebane all these months that I didn't want. I soon figured out that I must be here for some reason and God's hand was working in it, even though I kicked and screamed like a toddler being dragged into the dentists office. I won't mention publicly the majority of what my real thoughts are on this matter, simply because it's public and people take things the wrong way, especially when they don't understand things.

But I will say that I was very cautious about coming back to my home church in Mebane for an extended period of time. Not only becuase of past experiences but because what am doing and what I asked of the church was something they were very cautious to give me.... support for missions.

In short, I would say that one of the biggest reasons I can see that God has kept me here "against my will" is so that He would open my eyes up to what a good church is... not a perfect church, but a good church. I have seen more reform taking place in the past 9 months than my entire life in this community, and it's very encouraging. One of the biggest things I've noticed is the preaching. Now, this may be due to the fact that my spiritual maturity has increased since I was 18 and regularly attending the services--and it may also be due to the fact that I see a change in how my pastor is teaching.

I won't go into detail because what I really wanted to say is, in my own little head, a bit humerous. My pastor, Gary Hendrix, has the best voice you could ask for in a pastor. It's deep, manly and wellspoken. Some days his voice is so powerful that I am almost waiting for him to stop mid-sentence and growl like a lion in battle. It's so great, especially when he starts to get very passionate about a subject. He's a man that you believe... not in an unhealthy way, like I believe everything he says regardless of content, but he's so logical and passionate about what he's talking about. Anyway, I'm in the middle of listening to one of his sermons right now, this one: http://www.grbc.net/sermons/browse.php?sermon_id=6826 and I would highly recommend checking it out. When I get to Slovakia, I plan on listening to his sermons (hopefully live) so that I can continue to be spiritually fed.

Check him out- he's the MAN.

I'm beginning to see the real face of media for what it really is. I'm starting to see not only the entire conglomerate media world, but the real people behind it who have formed itself into a big manipulative steaming poopball (kinda like a snowball but not so nice).

The incredible amount of influence that the media has on 99% of the world's population is astounding. The media and its' biased yet dogmatic opinion rules the world over all wars, politics, movies, politicians, music, and anything else left open to public dispute or interpretation. The problem is that the media consists of almost all liberals! Everyone already knows that though- no new news.

But what makes that so frustrating for me is coming to the realization that for the rest of my life I will be made fun of by the media, which is everywhere. Because I am a conservative Republican Christian, I will never get a break from being made fun of by someone out there until I die. It's hard to be surrounded by this cloud of mockery for everything I believe. (This will need another entry another day about being a Christian!) Not only will I get made fun of for being a republican who thinks Obama is a dangerous threat to our nation, but I will be inundated with media propaganda that makes him out to be a savior! It's astonishing to sit and watch U.S. TV for a little while and see how the news reporters react to Obama, versus say, McCain or Palin. They look for any opportunity to tear the republicans to shreds while they look for any opportunity to make Obama be faultless. We were watching an interview with Obama's sister tonight and my step dad noticed that they fixed her statement by snipping the video clips to line up out of order, totally changing the intent of what she was saying about Obama, making him out to look good instead of a racist.

Another example is hearing of a famous Hollywood actor (name slipped my mind at the moment) who wrote a public letter stating that he would not support Obama and why. He has been "blacklisted" from Hollywood - anyone else picturing Big Brother in 1984? Thought crimes against the libral Democratic party, much?

The media is influential and wants to woo you to its' liberal agenda and we can't let it. It's an implicit, manipulative force. If you're feeling hopeless about American media these days like me, I would recommend tuning in to a little Glen Beck. www.glenbeck.com I don't feel like I've really gotten my point across because it's late and I'm a bit woozy, so consider this the first installment of my frustration. :)

(My) Best 15 Albums of All Time

Before you read this list, I want to give a disclaimer. I am not saying that these are the best, most well produced and most talented albums of all time. That would be a massive claim for some of these. These albums were all produced between 1990 and 2000- as much of the music I love was produced between 1994 and 1996- a great time in music history. I've compiled a list of albums that have stood my test of time of 10 years--except 3 of them were produced in 2000. Each one of them has had a huge influence on me, both lyrically and musically. In a way, they've helped shape my musical tastes, and their lyrics have also shaped a lot of my mentality while growing up. I know the words to almost every song of each album and I love every song in the album as well, literally! Every time I hear these albums I am automatically happy and feel at home. So if you're not familiar with these, check em out. Oh, and notice I say albums and not bands- that's because not all the bands' albums are as good as the ones I've listed. If you don't like em, that's okay, I always will! :)

Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill (1995) (Rock/Pop)
Though perhaps a bit feminist at times, Alanis' lyrics were raw, honest and downright in your face. Over the past 10 years I've related to different songs at different times and screamed them in my car to many different people who made me feel like a pile of dung. Her style was something I didn't enjoy after this album, so this one is my classic.
Bob Marley - Legend (1990) (Reggae)
No Woman, No Cry was the 3rd song on the guitar I ever learned. Get Up, Stand Up I think is very anti-Church which I've recently realized and don't agree with. All in all, the best reggae artist ever.
Cake - Fashion Nugget (1996)
Unlike any other band I've ever heard, Cake's unique guitar and vocal personalities must at least force you to say "Wow, that's unique", whether you enjoy the music or not. His voice is solid and confident. This is their best album.

Coldplay - Parachutes (2000) (Pop/Rock)
The first time I heard the song Yellow, it was in a TV commercial and I was sitting around with some friends hanging out watching That 70's Show. When Yellow came on, I stopped talking and stared at the screen, being interrupted by a friend (Joe) who said, "Ande likes this song doesn't she?" Needless to say, they got my attention quickly. After seeing them in concert I will say that they stand up to their name as well. Their other albums are just as good.
Cranberries - To the Faithful Departed (1996) (Rock/pop)
Not all of the Cranberries' songs are that great, but this album is fantastic, along with Everyone Else is Doing it so Why Can't We? and especially No Need to Argue. Everything after that sucked, in my opinion. I always admired Delores' voice, even though their guitar playing was very elementary (maybe a reason I loved them while I learned the guitar).
Dave Matthews Band - Crash (1996) (Jam band/folk/acoustic)
The Dave Matthews Band is one of those bands that have both changed my music world and also really disappointed me as well. Everything up until their 2001 album of Every Day was incredible. Seriously- every song was so good. After Every Day, their albums went downhill quickly. I hate their new style and won't buy another album from them again. But I will always appreciate them for their first 5 albums. By the way, there are a few decent songs on their later albums, including Grey Street, The Space Between, and Where Are You Going.
Jars of Clay - Flood (1995) (Christian acoustic/folk)
This was the first concert I ever went to, and I think it was in 1995. This is an album that we would always play in the family cd player while growing up. It was a really well produced album with the money and exposure they had. However, I think every other album Jars of Clay did was not nearly as great as this one. I don't expect to buy another album of theirs either. This one's great though.
Jewel - Pieces of You (1995) (Acoustic/Folk)
Absolutely love this album. It has had a HUGE influence on my acoustic guitar playing and gave me a segway into real folk music. Her lyrics are not always pretty- they're raw and sometimes hard to hear- but wow, talk about honesty. A perfect example of this is in the song Amen:
"Pieces of us die everyday as though our flesh were hell, Such injustice, as children we are told that from God we fell, Where are my angels? Where's my golden one? Where's my hope now that my heros have gone? Some are being beaten, some are being born And some can't tell the difference anymore." I believe you can still appreciate someone's honesty yet not agree with them. This album taught me that.
Led Zeppelin - I, II, III, & IV (1994) (Classic Rock)
Zeppelin, without argument, has been the most influential rock band in my life. I learned how to play the guitar by listening to them and being forced (by Adam Levorse!) to figure out their songs by ear. Seeing them live by DVD is amazing, and seeing any tribute bands justly play their music is equally amazing. Their talent stuns me. I don't love every single one of their songs, but they have absolutely changed my music world.
Nickel Creek - Self Titled (2000) (Folk/Bluegrass)
A friend named Phillip from summer camp one year was talking to me about music. He found out I had never heard of Nickel Creek, as I was not into bluegrass at the time, and in a hurry he rushed me outside to his car so I could listen to it. As I sat in the middle of 2 guys, he sang the songs with his soft voice. My musical world was never the same :) Nickel Creek has been the single biggest folk and bluegrass influence in my life. Their lyrics have moved me, their instruments have inspired me to play the mandolin and banjo, and their age has encouraged me to not wait until you're old to be good. All of their albums are fantastic, though their latest one, Why Should the Fire Die, is maybe my least favorite. They're broken up now and each have pursued their own personal musical goals.
Phish - Billy Breathes (1996) (Jam band)
The first time I heard Phish I didn't like them. I find that's the case in almost all of my favorite bands. Jaime Porco introduced them to me in our 11th grade English class and I soon fell in love. Phish is one of those bands I believe you either hate or love. I love. :) With almost a 70's jam band feel, it's unlike most music you've ever heard. Their other albums are also fantastic, but if you're going to start with one, start with this one.
Radiohead - The Bends (1995) (Rock)
This was another album that really changed how I viewed rock bands. I believe The Bends is their most toned down album, and if you're new to Radiohead, I would recommend starting with this one. Their other albums are amazing, which is why Radiohead still stands today! Their albums, though so so different from eachother, still are unique and well produced enough with their creativity to NOT lend fans like me to think, "Wow, they've sold out".
Sarah McLauchlan - Surfacing (1997) (Relaxing?)
I don't know how to catagorize Sarah McLachlan because she's in a league of her own. She has the most soothing voice I've ever heard. She's talented in playing the guitar and the piano as well. ALL of her albums are incredibly good and I never tire of her voice- even though some people get weary of it being too breathy or weak.
Skillet - Hey You I Love Your Soul (1998) (Christian Rock)
This may be their least known album, but Skillet and ALL of their albums have changed my view, or sustained my view that there IS good Christian rock out there. This particular album cover looks cheesy, sorry, but their music is good. Their self-titled album is much more acoustic, and as they go on in their career, it has grown more and more "heavy metal" or hard rock--making a pitstop in electronica type tones for a while. They've been going for a long time, losing band members ever so often, but never ceasing to rock the house. I've seen them in concert more than any other band out there- at least 12 or 15 times. They're awesome!!
100 Portraits and Waterdeep - Enter the Worship Circle (Christian Acoustic/Folk)
Another band that when I first heard I hated. I thought it was very cheesy and "Christian". After listening to it a few dozen times, I realized how incredibly honest and "Christian" it was, but in a good way! It's basically a group of people around a microphone with their acoustic instruments, praising God and dripping with honest praise. They're on their 4th circle now, but I haven't bought the last one yet. In all 3 albums, there are only about 3 songs I really don't like. Other than that, they've been a great worship influence.
So there you have it- my favorite 15 albums ever to this date. What are some of your favorite albums of all time?

Sophia's First Glamor Shot