This is going to be a long night.

My roommate moved out today, which means she took every single thing of hers with her...including the bed I was sleeping on, the fan that puts me to sleep, the shower curtain, the toilet paper, and other semi-crucial things. (I did buy TP, just so you know). Oh, and since I'm sleeping on the floor tonight in an empty room, my head pressed up against the floor as I sleep, I can clearly hear the horrible guitar playing of the people underneath me. Did I mention I'm an extraordinarily light sleeper?

Well, the two things I wanted to talk about tonight aren't really that profound or anything- just something I've been thinking about. There are two comments that people keep saying to me that I honestly don't know how to reply to.

1) "If it's God's will that you'll go to Slovakia, then I really hope you get your support." I feel like people are afraid to just say "I hope you get your support" because if it's not God's will then they'll be in trouble with the Big Guy. I don't know how to respond to the 'God's will' either--mainly because a) who really knows God's will till the actions have been seen, and b) I don't have a doubt in my mind that this isn't His will. The only thing in my life I can say that about.

If you really knew the story over the past 9 months, what God's been doing in me, how He's changed me, the surety He's put in my heart about this.. you would understand why it's hard for me to respond to that possibility. Sure, it really might not be God's will- for me to say beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is would be silly, I'm just little ol' Ande and I dunno God's thoughts.

2) "Aren't you excited to leave?!" Well... I guess I am a little excited to follow God's call, but am I excited to leave my very best friends for a very long time? Am I excited to leave a decent job and nice apartment and familiarity? To pack all my crap up in my car and sleep on the floor of an empty room, eating tuna out of a can and coke from the only glass I have left (which is a wine glass) and take a shower without a curtain? Am I excited to be broke as a joke, sending email after email, phone call after phone call trying to raise support from people who aren't interested?

Well... no. I'm not.

Those things aren't fun. I'm obviously gonna do it... and I really do believe God's behind me on this.. but how do I answer the question of whether I'm excited about it??

That's all I had to say about that. I don't know the answers to those questions. My friend Alyssa and I say "I don't EVEN know" when we're up against something that we have no idea how to answer--or the answer is too overwhelming to pick apart. This is one of those things where I just sit back with a glazed look and say, "I don't even know...". I'm pretty sure it'll eventually go away, especially when I get back to NC- but there's gonna be about 2 weeks or so coming up where I'm gonna say that just about every day. The surreal life is upon me!

Random thought: On the way home I was listening to Modest Mouse and there's this song where he goes, "I said what I said, man, you know what I mean" in the perfect tone and the perfect part of the song. I like it. Well, I'm gonna watch some Family Guy and go to sleep. I gotta speak in front of my church tomorrow :( I hate public speaking.. wish me luck! Oh.. and my friggin' bone spur on my foot hurts like a mother - just had to get that out. Peace n' chicken grease.