Okay.

I think it's about time I force myself out of whatever funk I'm still in. I didn't/don't want to write because I feel obligated to. But sometimes if you force yourself to do something you don't feel like doing, you end feeling glad you did it. Like taking a shower first thing in the morning, or exercising, or ordering the grilled chicken and vegetables instead of the fried chicken and fries like you think you want.

Ahh. There is is, now I'm feeling it.

I feel like I should catch up on the past 3 weeks of my laziness and what's been going on in my inner sanctum of my soul. But I don't want to. I'll probably cry all over the keyboard if I do, and this is my good keyboard. (?)

Today I want to talk about music. Hudba=Music in Slovak. Dear people, what would I do without music? I'm talking about audio music, such as listening to other people play it, and also "tangible" music by playing an instrument. I hate to use this word, but I swear, sometimes there is just something magical about it I can't explain. Sometimes at my very worst, when I've had the worst day I can imagine, or someone said something awful to me - all I have to do is hear the right song and I am all better. Sometimes the timing and mood and song is so perfect I just have to laugh out loud, and then interrupt that laughter with loud obnoxious singing (along with an air microphone or other air instrument) or I just sit and obnoxiously cry too--whatever feels better at the time.

Sometimes it feels like I inhale the music and let it resonate like air. I know that sounds weird, but I'm telling you - when the perfect musical moment hits there is no other phrase I can use. I inhale it like a drug and it soothes me! Really, it does! I genuinely thank God for music! When I am furious, when I'm excited, when I'm devastated, music moves me around like an ebb and flow and changes my mood for the better. That all might sound really weird and postmodern or something, but I don't care. I'm not some psycho who goes into a hippy trance in a restaurant if I hear a good Dave Matthews song, so don't worry.

And don't get me wrong, music can do the opposite thing to me. It can irritate the crap out of me if the wrong tune hits me at the wrong time. Especially certain kinds of Christian music out there. Sorry to you guys who love 100% of contempo Christian music, but 95% of it sucks big time...and if I'm in a ticked off mood or freaking out in traffic, that music does NOT help me at all.

Music didn't appeal to me overnight. But as far back as I can remember it was a pretty integral part of my life. Well, I may not have realized it at the time, but in a way my musical tastes were being shaped because it was all around me. I spent a few years playing the piano and pretty much hated every minute of it...though now I adore it. It was part of my friend's and family's lives too - I saw how they reacted to music and it affected me. I remember sitting in the living room when I was in the 6th or 7th grade with my brother after school. He'd say to me in a very demanding tone, "ANDE, what band is that?" as if he expected me to answer immediately like a student would during a pop quiz. Of course I didn't know Pearl Jam in 6th grade and he'd reply quickly, "IT'S PEARL JAM, DUH!". I had a secret sense of satisfaction over the years as I started to know more bands than he did.

I had a few friends in high school who lived and breathed certain bands. As a matter of fact, I still listen to those bands 'religiously' still today. I used to have a good friend that played the bass guitar. I spent much of my time with her, and I think she was influential in pressuring me into getting a guitar when I was 14. I hated the guitar. No, I didn't hate it, but I hated that I didn't know how to do it. I would sit in front of the family room TV with an instructional video and just about cry every time I'd sit down and learn it.

I decided that learning that way was stupid. I didn't care about some old folk song like Old Tar River or something. I wanted to learn my bands, my music, my songs. So I learned about this thing called tablature, and learned that there were places on the internet that had them for free. Oh, heavenly bliss! It was then I learned one chord at a time, one song at a time.

Over the years my interest became evident in other instruments. When I lived at home I always came back to the piano to try and play hymns. I've bought attempted to play irish whistles, recorder, djembe, jew harp, didgeridoo, harmonica, violin, mandolin, banjo, bass guitar, dulcimer, and obviously the guitar. I'm not a pro at any of these, but thoroughly enjoyed trying them out. I thought about getting into ethnomusicology (world music) but decided against it. I think that learning instruments gave me a real appreciation for all kinds of music, which is why I like just about every kind of music out there- well, I might not like it, but I at least appreciate it, ya know?

Can you believe I can actually tolerate rap and r&b? Gosh, I always made fun of it...that is, till I realized the pleasure in "dancing" to it. Anyway, After 10 years of playing instruments, it is still one of my favorite things to do in the world- especially trying to figure out songs and play along, along with jamming with folks too and of course, listening to it.

Can anyone relate?