The story I'm about to tell has probably been told by hundreds of pastors, youth pastors and motivational speakers all over the world. If you've heard it before, I apologize, but I do have a point to all of it.

In 1859, The Great Charles Blondin wanted to prove to the world that he could walk across Niagara Falls (3 1/2 football fields) on a tightrope. He succeeded multiple times, doing something pretty theatrical every time he crossed. One day as he was going to try it again he decided to push a wheelbarrow across the rope. He asked the crowd if they thought he could do it. They cheered, "YES, you can do it!" So there he was, a wheelbarrow in hand about to take his first step out on the rope, while the huge crowed cheered and roared in the background. He screamed, "DO YOU THINK I CAN DO IT?!" The crowed cheered even louder! He interrupted the cheering and yelled, "IF YOU REALLY THINK I CAN DO IT, IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE IN ME, COME SIT IN THE WHEELBARROW!" The crowd went silent. No one got in the wheelbarrow. (Eventually his manager did it successfully though...)

I've heard this story before and even though it was cool, I never really thought twice about it. Last night the speaker at the concert told it but in a Gospel message, a little different than how it affected me. Immediately when I heard the analogy, the imagery really hit home. I was part of that crowd on the sidelines who saw somebody do something impossible over and over again. I was saying, "Yeah God, awesome, you did another miracle, sweet, oh look you did something else amazing, cool, hey you completely healed someone of a terminal disease, rad." Why have I not believed that He could really do something great with my own heart? Up until about 6 months ago, I was losing hope that God would ever be alive in me. I was waiting for the day that I could really really be genuine about my faith. Not to say I necessarily doubted my salvation, but I waited for God to be really relevant and alive in my life.

Six months ago, God asked me to step in the wheelbarrow. He said, "Do you believe me or not? Do you really think I can do this?" My supposed trust turned into doubt. My doubt turned into faith. My faith turned into transformation. Just like the man on the tightrope, he's asked me to do something that may not seem logical whatsoever to the outside.

Why would anyone give up a comfortable life with a good job and fantastic friends to sell most of what they have, move back home with their parents, live on meager wages, and trusting that God will just simply provide?! Why would I do this? Because I am trusting that whatever happens, whatever God has called me to do, is what He wants and it what I'm supposed to do. Hebrews 3:7 - "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..."

Guys, I'm not saying any of this to sound holier-than-thou, trust me. This kind of thing doesn't just happen to me, and if you've known me for any length of time, you know that I've never really felt called by God to do anything before. It was always what I wanted to do. Well what I've wanted to do is just sit on the sidelines and cheer for a God I never really trusted would do something that great in my own life. And what I've been called to do now is sit tight in a wheelbarrow while God walks over the tightrope over a waterfall.

With all this said I would be foolish to think that the next few months and after I get to Slovakia will be a piece of cake. Trust me, this is just the beginning of my journey of trials- it's just the beginning of finding my identity through God in what He's called me to do.

The reason I know this is that just because God calls you to do something doesn't mean it's going to be an easy life. We have an undeniable hope with Christ but we are called to suffer as well. The enemy is at work and his army is so strong. Here are two examples in my life right now, and I covet your prayers about what struggles I'm dealing with.

Struggle #1: I wanted a comfortable life. I never wanted to be a career missionary. I wanted to be nice and wealthy and live in a sweet house with expensive furniture and be successful. I never really cared much about money and never thought I would financially succeed until a few years ago when I actually started making some. I got caught up in consumerism and all the things and gadgets I wanted. Even though God is changing my heart and in a way bringing me back to my roots of thought, I still struggle with this. I know I still struggle because all I have to do is visit a placed called The Interior Decor Center. I went there about a year ago when I was at the peak of my desire to have a lot of nice things and be wealthy. I went back again yesterday and I tell you, this place makes me want to be rich- it has the most fabulous furniture and art around and I absolutely love just staring and all the things I would want in my own home.

The problem is, I feel like there's no way I can have nice things or a nice house if I'm a missionary. I feel like I have to choose between living in the gutter or living in a mansion. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it just seems like I'm at the crossroads of two completely different kinds of life right now. One way is missions, one way is comfort. One way is being poor, one way is being rich. I have the choice to decide which way I go. Some days I want to stick to my heart and do missions, while other days I want to stick to my flesh and "be successful" in my career. I struggle with this and the enemy will try to drag me away from the life God may have called me to live by luring me with nice things.

Struggle #2: This one is a bit more challenging. I really am gonna need your help here, to be honest. Even though I've never felt more called to do something before, and even though I am 100% sure this is what God wants me to do, the enemy is at hand. He strikes those hardest who are trying to advance the kingdom of our Father. During my worst times the enemy whispers (has whispered, is whispering, will continue to whisper) "You don't have to do this... just quit now, you're never going to get all that money... no one's forcing you to go... just stop... this isn't what God wants, you must have heard wrong!"

For any of you reading this that are my friends, I have a favor to ask you. I am human, and I am weak. I am sensitive and vulnerable, I can't deny this. Satan is strong and determined. Certain influences back home in NC aren't good. At times, I'm going to feel like I shouldn't be doing this, that I should just stop trying. People are going to try and tell me that it's not God's will for me to go, and I'm going to be discouraged by that. I'm going to feel stuck, I'm going to feel like all that I'm doing is futile. I am going to be terribly lonely.

My favor to ask is that you please please pray for me. God is on my side and that is what I need... but I would be lying if I said I can do this alone. I'm going to need encouragement. I need to know you're praying for God's work and the advancement of His kingdom. Though I'm not near you, I don't want to feel like I'm doing this all alone. Please please pray.... and let me know how I can pray for YOU. I want it to be mutual encouragement!

"See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first." Hebrews 3:12-14 If I remember correctly, this was my father's favorite verse. It is so perfect.