Well tonight I've got some major hickups and can't sleep, so I decided to write a little something. Friday night I took my 8 year old nephew to see one of my all time favorite bands, Skillet. I've seen Skillet at least 12 or 13 times, but every time I see them they're just cooler and cooler in my book. This was Dylan's first concert ever, and something tells me he'll never forget it!
Ok sorry, I just got lost watching Skillet YouTube videos for a long time... I'm back.
Anyway, John Cooper, the sexy -- I mean, talented singer always has a mini-speech in his concerts. They're always good and they always stick with me. I realized last night as I was listening to one of his speeches, for the 12th or 13th time, that over the 10 years or so that I've listened to them and seen them live, there's a theme. This theme has been influential in my faith actually- and explains some things about my beliefs.
Here's the theme that John drives home in his music and speeches: It doesn't matter what you look like, what clothes you wear, how many piercings or tattoos you have, whether you have a mohawk or however you look different...Jesus takes you just exactly as you are. You're His child and what matters is your heart and if you're living for Him, loving Him and loving people.
That's made a big impact on how I view people and also how I view coming to Christ. Coming from a background that judges people on appearances and social expectations more than anything else, this is a radically different point of view to live out. It seemed growing up that I believed you almost had to "clean up" before you "get saved"--now I don't see it that way at all.
Anyway, I thank John Cooper and his lyrics, his music, his band, and his testimony of faithfulness as he lives out the faith in this music ministry. I wish them nothing but success in continually sharing the Gospel in unique and effective ways to the youth of the world.
Now I'll leave you with sexy pictures... (Hey my hiccups are gone, sweet.)
Do you see that sweat on his guitar strap!? Hot.
What is the purpose of democratic voting?
This is the question I've pondered for months. Is the purpose to give citizens a sense of belonging and power? Is it designed to show what the majority of the people want, therefore making it a citizen run country? In voting for something as important as a president, should we vote for those who have the most experience? Should we vote for what's best for the country as a whole? Are we allowed to be "one issue" voters, or is that naive?
When it comes to voting in the US presidential elections, I've been back and forth as to whether or not I gave a crap about it. I even considered not voting because I didn't want ANY of them to win. This was many months ago and my opinion has changed several times since then.
First, I'll be up front by saying that over my dead body would I ever vote for someone as detrimental to this country and the world as Barack Hussein Obama. Never has a liar so manipulative, so unqualified and heartless been able to rise to the ranks of a presidential nomination. The fact that he's come this far says a lot about our nation and how we are being judged by God Himself. Now, my mom happens to think that he's a terrorist antichrist who needs to be assasinated... of which opinion I do not necessarily hold, no matter how much I don't like him.
There is much I could say about him here, but I'll hold back for the sake of you guys holding interest in what I'm talking about. If you don't believe me that he has no relevant experience in running a nation, do some research and stop being stubborn.
What has really been on my heart lately is his stance on abortion. There in lies the fundamental difference between pro-lifers and pro-choicers. Pro-choicers believe a fetus is nothing special- nothing more than a useless mass of cells that can easily be destroyed with no consequence. Pro-lifers believe that fetuses and newborns are actual humans with actual souls.
There's so much about abortion I could talk about, but let me get to my point. Let me say why if Obama gets elected, he will continue passing laws of infanticide and mass murder. Obama was the ONLY SENATOR, (not the only democrat, the only person, period) who passed a law that would allow babies who were born from partial birth abortions to have their medical treatment withheld. If you don't realize the reality of that, let me break it down in an example: a woman comes in 7 months pregnant and decides she can't afford to have a child right now. The doctors induce labor, poke a large instrument in her, and yank out the fetus. The mother goes away while the doctors help her heal. The baby is either tossed in a basket of soiled cloths, or left on a cold metal table to die. This is not a deceased child either, this is a living, breathing, crying child. It lays there until it dies.
One nurse who came forward to try to stop this process says she heard a baby cry for 8 hours on one shift until he or she had died.
I'm sorry if that was graphic, but it's reality. This is really happening in America. This goes so far and beyond a "morning after pill" or an immediate abortion after conception. This is absolute and clear murder.
I challenge any democrat out there who claims to be a Christian to sit and ponder this. I want them, in clear a conscience, to be able to tell me that they have no problem voting for a man who fights for this "right" for women to "choose" and to not be "punished" by a child. Tell me in clear conscience that you can claim the truths of scriptures and also vote for a man who promotes infanticide.
So this brings me to my next quick point. I kept thinking: "I want to vote for Ron Paul because his politics make sense- I want to be a part of revolutionizing our government! Who cares if he loses, at least I'll feel good about voting for someone that I want, not that all other republicans want. Who cares if it's not strategic, my vote realistically doesn't mean anything."
Well, I've changed my mind. Someone told me a few weeks ago, "Any vote that is not for McCain is a vote for Obama." I didn't want to hear it, but it's true. So now I say that I cannot with a clear conscience use my vote to help Obama in any way, as indirect as it sounds. I'll sacrifice my feelings of choice and empowerment for the possibility of putting a man in office who adheres to the human relevancy of the bible.
When I see people with Obama stickers and t-shirts, etc. (especially "Babies *or Mothers* for Obama" stickers...how ironic) it bothers me, but it's their choice to vote for who they see fit. However, when I hear about people who are voting for him just because he's black, or say something like, "I'm voting for him because he's gotten so many people to get out and vote who have never cared about voting", or "...because he's going to bring a change to this country and plus, I like this enthusiasm"... it doesn't just bother me, it infuriates me! It is SCARY that millions of stupid Americans who never cared about voting before are now voting because of these superficial reasons. Listen people, that's NOT a positive change!! People like this shouldn't be allowed to vote because they're acting on impulse, emotion, and racial dedication! Funny thing is, I'd be a racist if I said, "I'm not voting for Obama b/c he's black" or "I'm voting for McCain b/c he's white"... how backwards!
Will Obama win? Probably. Do I want McCain as my president? Not really, I don't like him all that much. But to be honest, it doesn't matter. Whatever Obama brings to this nation- whatever laws he passes that kill more innocent lives, or when he brings Socialism to this country--whatever happens to us, we deserve it. We can expect no other judgment on America than what we deserve. Blind nationalism plagues this country and because of it, we can expect to be brought to our knees until we realize we are not invincible.
I don't ask God to bless this country (and I won't put up a "God Bless America" bumper sticker either). All I ask is that He have mercy on us as we continue to blatantly disobey Him and put our trust in the Obamessiah.
So.... to become a member of my church I grew up in, you're required to be baptized and give your testimony to the congregation. I never knew this was rare until I started going to other churches. Most places, you say you want to be a member and you're in. Not here! Nope, you have to write down how you came to the faith and make a public proclamation about your beliefs. Needless to say, it's taken me 25 years to do this because it's pretty intense and intimidating to speak like that in front of a few hundred people listening to every word you say! But I did.
To be honest I was dreading it for weeks. I really hate public speaking and it makes me so stressed and nervous to just think about it- so now that it's over I'm really relieved. I gave my testimony with 5 other young people around my age. It was kinda nice to be with my friends in front of everyone. People were crying the whole time, which made me want to cry but I didn't, thank goodness.
ANYWAY! I figured, hey, if anyone should know my testimony, it should be my friends, right? So here's my story (written as it would be read in front of my church):
Many of you sitting here tonight may not know exactly who I am, so I'd like to start off by introducing myself. Most of you were either friends with, aquatinted with, or at least have heard the name of my father, Jim Truman. My mother is Susan Melillo, and my step-father is Tom Melillo.
If you knew my father, for me to start off saying "I grew up in a Christian home" may sound like an understatement. I have spent the majority of my life in this church, and have been under the preaching of Gary Hendrix and the other elders as far back as I can remember.
My family moved from upstate New York to Mebane in 1985, mostly because of this church. In 1993, when I was 9 years old, my dad passed to be with the Lord, leaving 3 children and a wife behind. My father's death has shaped the person that I've grown up to be.
For the majority of my pre-teen and teenage years, I felt quite lost and unconfident in my faith. I went through phases of rebellion, mostly by way of sibling influence. I have never truly doubted God's existence. I've always said, "The grass is green and God is God." There has never been a time where I knew He was not present, and there has never been a time that I questioned the earth's creation and how it came to be. However, even though I've always been confident of His presence, I have not always been confident in my assurance of salvation. I had always believed that because I was not as biblically knowledgeable as others around me, especially my peers who grew up in this church, that I somehow was lacking God's acceptance.
For me to give you an exact date of my conversion would very difficult. I simply do not know the exact time in my life when I accepted Jesus Christ, because it has been a very gradual growth in the faith. However, experiences and milestones scattered throughout my life have been monumental in my maturity.
During a family conference when I was 14, I experienced a plea from a close family friend to come to the Lord. I thought I was already saved at that time, but there was something more significant about this day. I remember simply asking the Lord to give me the assurance I needed and to show me if I had been saved. When I was 16, I traveled with the youth of this church to the Dominican Republic on a mission trip to build a house for a pastor. This was the first time I had felt a strong desire for missions. When I was 18 and moved away to college, I struggled with loneliness and spiritual apathy, though I found that this was a time where I was forced to rely upon God as the only one that would never leave me or forsake me, like so many friends had already done. When I was 20 I moved to Orlando, Florida. The first year there was the most difficult time in my life. I struggled with severe depression and anxiety, and eventually came to a point where I was angry with God. The ironic thing about this anger was that it came from reading a popular Christian book that described the perfect attributes of God. "If God is so perfect, then where is He and why isn't He helping me?" I thought to myself. Despite this unexplainable anger, I still could not and did not deny Him, and He did not forsake me. Over months of counseling and prayer, I began to find myself being renewed and spiritually alive again.
Since 2000 on that first mission trip with this church, I have traveled to different countries and assisted short term mission teams to spread the Gospel. It has only been in the last year, since my most recent trip to Slovakia, that the Lord has completely turned my heart upside down about HOW I should serve Him. It has been in this past year that God has really opened my eyes to His goodness. He has used His calling for me to serve Him in missions to completely and totally depend on Him alone for direction and provision. I feel like I have surrendered my future and all of my plans to Him, so that I can use myself in whatever way He pleases. It has been a life-changing experience to sit in the passenger seat of my life.
It is only by the sheer grace of our Heavenly Father that I have been able to overcome my rebellion and anger against Him. There is no other logical explanation for me, or any of us to turn from sin, other than Jesus Christ and his abundant mercy. It is not by my own works or my own decisions. I am confident that the Enemy will continue to shake my confidence in the Lord until I die, and I know I will fall at times; but I believe that because Christ died on that tree, my salvation is assured, my future is in His hands, and nothing can take away that love from Jesus Christ.
...this is at the top of my list. Joe Van Gogh, AKA Cup a' Joe's coffee shop in Hillsborough, NC. Since I've been back in February, I've visited this place 1-3 times a week- to do fundraising, to read and relax, or just to stop in for a delicious cup of espresso. This place means a lot to me for three reasons- 1) Well, we've been through a lot together! On the days I didn't think I would make it back to SK and was lonely and depressed, on the great days everything was going well, and everything in between. I got to know the baristas and they always knew my drink- the same thing every time just about. Dylan would stamp my frequent drink card like 4 or 5 times for 1 drink 'cause I was nice to him and he was quitting soon. 2) The espresso was unbelievably good, especially for this area. It was such a comforting thing to soak up that strong, sweet, smooth espresso. 3) It's in a city that hardly anyone in my city travels to. Hillsborough has always been that "Why would I go there?" kind of places for me till I explored and found some excellent places. It's kind of a hole in the wall town, very cute. I would see many of the same people every time I went there and it made me, in a weird way, proud to live close to it.
Here's one seat I usually sat in...
So though this is probably boring for you to read, I felt compelled to pay tribute to my second favorite place back home (the first being Chestnut Ridge!). I will miss this place.Here's one of my many frequent drink cards I racked up...
Yes I know this is totally unnecessary and you all get the point that I'm leaving (or coming, depending on where you live)... but I just got this in the mail and I had to share it! Like I said, we got a crazy deal on this ticket- $492. That's INSANE because the CHEAPEST going rate for a one-way ticket to Bratislava is $1860!!! In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they threw me in the cargo area or told me my seat was actually the toilet. Either way, as long as me and my luggage get there I'll be fine. It makes me gitty to look at this :)
Once in a while I'll sing a hymn and not realize how awesome it is till I shutup and read it. I imagined someone reading this passionately, like in spoken word, and rediscovered how great it is. I encourage you to take a minute to read it slowly--much better that way.
"Be Still My Soul"
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
I was going to write another ranting and raving serious blog entry about politics but I'll take a break and show you my new camera I just bought online instead. I've been thinking about a new little camera since I got a really really crappy one for my birthday (no offense, mom) and have been researching them for a while now. Anyway I wanted something that takes good pictures but doesn't cost as much as my Nikon D80, something I can throw in my backpack every day when I don't want to chance it with Big Mama. I almost went with the Nikon S60 which costs almost $200 MORE than the one I bought here, but after playing with it yesterday I decided that it was overpriced for the quality of picture it took (even though it was totally sexy). So here's the Nikon S600...10 mpx, 28mm lens.
Can I just say something? Well... every time I think about my first sentence I have to think of another one because it's rude--which is kinda the reason I'm so upset. In an indirect way I just made my point. I grow weary of filtering everything I really want to say to people. I mean this as a general statement, even though I have a handful of specific conflicts I'm dealing with right now. One thing that makes conflicts so irritating is that we're so often not allowed to say what we really want- whether what we want to say is brutal honesty, swearing, or just emotional dialogue. We're always restraining ourselves to be the 'better person' or to act sweet.
I know this is Biblical, don't get me wrong, because the Bible talks about the use of the tongue and how we're supposed to restrain ourselves by holding the tongue. Actually, the Bible talks a lot about conflict resolution because conflicts happens all the time and our emotions are tied to them. But in a way, it doesn't make it that much easier sometimes. I live in a country where freedom of speech is advertised, and in a Christian culture where honesty is promoted....but if that's true, why am I never allowed to say what I really want to say? Does that say something about my sinful heart, is that just part of growing in my faith and disciplining my tongue, or does it say something about a Christian generation that is losing the visible fruits of the spirit that Paul speaks of?
I'm not going to vent nearly the amount that's on my chest, but I want to say something about my frustration I have with how difficult it is sometimes to be a Christian. And this is the part I really want to say, in hopes that I don't offend someone or have them question my morals--but what makes being a Christian so hard sometimes isn't "the world", it's other Christians. People who claim they live a life that's pleasing to God, all the while not living out what Jesus taught- to be gracious, forgiving each other, patient with each other, loving people, being peaceful and meek. Instead I see Christians who are too quick to jump on each other's backs in an unloving way, to gossip about each other, to blame shift and judge, to even verbally abuse each other, and my favorite- judging each other based on cultural expectations and traditions. It's like, I already know the world hates me as it did Jesus first, but sometimes I feel more hatred from Christians, which is the sad part. I think back on the times that someone has hurt me to the core of my heart, and it's sad to say that a lot of those relationships have been with Christians. I don't say any of that to bash Christians or Christianity at all, but I see a rift in what 21st century Christianity looks like compared to Biblical Christianity. Maybe the most hurtful part is that I expect that grace from people who claim to have it from Jesus Christ- where "the world" does not.
Personally, I've grown up with two opposite influences- extremely ultra-conservative and extremely ultra-liberal or pagan. Neither are good, and I still have evidence of both sides of this mindset. Most kids grow up with one or the other for the most part, but I've had equal amounts of both. I can tell you first hand that this causes difficulty for people like me who try to shake off bad influences from their childhood to grow in the faith. It's hard- let me repeat that- IT'S HARD. I know some of you, my friends, grew up in similar circumstances and I empathize with you. People who have grown up around a totally Christian family in a Christian home and school and friends don't understand this. They don't know what it means to be influenced heavily by a pagan family and friends, which explains why most of them don't understand why Christians like me have a hard time with certain sins. I don't even care if people understand it, I'm not asking that- and I'm not asking to not be held accountable for visible sins or to have freedom in my sin- but what I AM asking is that people have a little more understanding and patience with other Christians who are on a different page than you--no matter what that looks like. I don't claim perfection, I claim Christ who forgives me of my shortcomings.
Sorry if this offends you.
Recently I've once again been reminded of my feeble human body. Of the many things I've discovered that have been passed down from my dad, the most recent thing I've discovered has been negative- which has been rare. Pennsylvania (and upstate NY) roads are different than the roads I'm used to. They're curvier, windier (are these real words?) and somehow faster feeling. They go up and down and around very quickly. Well my body doesn't like these roads when I'm not the one driving, it seems. In fact I've discovered that I am one of those people who get carsick! Ugh... what a pain. After the first time of getting sick, my aunt yelled, "Your father used to get carsick!!" which I never knew, and went on to tell me stories of how terribly sick he'd get with them.
The only other time I've been carsick was when my friend Abby zoomed me up the mountain roads in Chattanooga, TN. I heard that this problem develops over time when you get older, and it did. So my entire vacation in PA I was carsick on and off. I felt nauseous, lightheaded, and dizzy. So on one of the trips we went to go get something to eat. My cousin has a hummer and I started to get sick while driving- so he let me drive it coming back home! It was pretty sweet. Anyway, I hope this doesn't happen in Slovakia on their country roads cause I won't have my license and wouldn't be able to drive even if I wanted to.
Other embarrassing moment: I was boarding the plane tonight, and my seat was the very first one on the left. I took my book bag off while ducking to sit down and something crazy happened- my bag (which weighs probably 30 lbs. with books and my computer) got caught on my earring! So I set it down and bring my head down to the chair, trying to work it out. It doesn't. I had a hot cup of coffee in my hands and with my head sideways by the seat I ask a fancy businessman to hold my cup. At the same time a cute Indian guy across the row cuts in front of everyone and helps me get my earring out...which holds up the line of EVERYone boarding the plane cause I'm in the front seat. THEN the flight attendant comes over and tugs the crap out of my ear which hurt--this goes on for at least 2 or 3 full minutes which felt like 30. We eventually get it out and realize that the tiny hole in the "handle" which pulls the zipper down got stuck around the screwed in ball of my earring...so we had to unscrew the ball. Anyway, kinda embarassing.
Off topic- does looking at old photos ever make you either really sad or really joyful about something? My aunt Sheryl showed me a bunch of old pictures and I think it's interesting how different pictures gave me such strong feelings about different things. Hmmm...
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