10 Ways to Manipulate, Betray & Lose Friends

1. Pursue friendship and gain their trust.
2. Encourage honesty to find out the real dirt.
3. Keep a running list of shortcomings and failures.
4. Out of nowhere, wrongly accuse them.
5. Blow said insignificant shortcomings out of proportion.
6. Consider all responses mean and defensive. Act hurt and make the person feel terrible.
7. Manipulate them to feel crazy for reacting at all. After all, your intentions are good.
8. Don't accept apologies and never, ever show grace.
9. Gossip to their friends and coworkers about them. 
10. Aggressively pursue the detriment of their reputation.

I've lost count of how many times this has happened, and it just recently happened again. Instead of letting it have power over me and "make me" bitter and resentful, I'm trying to focus on one important thought: God's grace covers all of my shortcomings. He doesn't keep a running list, and He won't throw it in my face. He's forgiving and gracious. I'm so thankful God's not as F'ed up as we are. 

Video Recipe #1 - Ginger Asian Sauce over Fresh Lemon Tilapia & Bok Choy

Side Street Photos

Here's a slideshow from my new site...

The Swell Season from last night...

The "Smittee"

Lately I've been fascinated by this idea of being "smitten" with someone. I think it's generally understood that this word relates to being smitten by someone from the opposite sex. More often than not, I think that's true. But I also think it's amazing how sometimes that can happen with meeting new people...I think it can simply mean a general attraction.

For example, let's say I'm at a party with 50 strangers. There is something natural inside of all of us that want to gravitate towards someone or a group of people because you're in a social environment and don't want to be the creep in the corner. What is it that helps us decide who we should talk to? What is it inside of us that provokes that spark you have with someone- no matter what sex they're from.

For example, what is it inside of me that decides that out of all my female acquaintances, I know that this person or that person will probably be friends with me for a very long time? While most of the other ones I will probably not know for a few more years? Or how I would literally do anything for a few close friends and would rather not do much of anything for other friends? What IS it about having those relationships that makes us a little crazy? That makes us want to drive across the friggin country or fly across the friggin world to spend some time with them. Not "crazy" as in a little psycho/obsessed, I mean.... that real, genuine love for friends that would make you do just about anything for them. I'm so fascinated by this! And ya know what even blows my mind away even more? That Christ is smitten with us, and He has that real love for us--He's crazy about us! I wonder if God gave us love like that so we could understand how much He loves us?

I've lately thought about this in reference to men/mates too. I've met a lot of nice fellows in Charlotte so far, and I have to be really careful to be honest. I tend to be smitten a little too easily. Problem is, I'm usually the one to be smitten and the "smittee" forgets about me the next day. I say that not for a pity party--it's the truth! So I've made a decision. I refuse to become smitten with a boy until he is smitten with me. Or at least, until he's made a pretty darn good effort to communicate that he's really into me.

I believe if I don't start guarding my heart I'll start to become really bitter towards guys and that's the last thing I want to happen. I like guys.

I guess I've been thinking lately how nice it would be for one day some man to be smitten with me...and how that would feel if I were equally smitten by him! I look forward to the day, and I hope my standards are not too high...just seems like that should be a minimum for a relationship ever working, ya know? I better love him if I'm gonna wash his underwear, and he better love me if he has to listen to my loud music. hehe ok I'm done now. Had to get that off my chest.

Deb Talan

I have never listened to another artist that consistently takes my little heart and squeezes it every time I listen to their music. Deb Talan, I applaud you.

Ideas and the Future

I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I have good ideas sometimes. I can say that because I've had a decent amount of random ideas over the past few years and they keep ending up being invented by somebody! So I'm going on record for stuff I think will be invented soon or claiming ideas already invented. Why? Because I'm bored and unemployed and I need to have an ounce of confidence in myself that's been taken away by no job... that's why :)

I thought of a business that allows people to call or text to ask any question in the world. People would pay monthly or per question. It could be run by one person to begin with then grown when business gets better. They invented KGB.com which is exactly my idea! I took the test for working there and passed, now I'm just waiting on their training to start.

Last year I thought that cars should give you the option of the car automatically turning it's music volume down when it slows down/comes to a stop. Well, I was in my new car the other day and realized it does that automatically. Cool!

I thought of celebrity voices on GPS units instead of that mechanical sounding woman. A few months ago I found out they made one with Snoop Dog's voice on it. I think they'll keep going with this. Soon, I'll have Brad Pitt telling me what to do....

I knew they'd have the Starbucks road signs on the highways! It's about time, but they need to develop it more and have all coffee shops included in the Food signs on the interstates. They also copied my double shot over ice drink and included it in a monthly special!

We'll also have iPod/iPhone holders for our steering wheels, dashboards and/or the back of seats. Yes, this is sad, but darnit, when I'm on a plane or driving a bajilion hours in a car on a straight highway, I kinda wanna watch a movie on my iPod. My hand gets tired from holding it and I can't tape it to my steering wheel. Just watch, it'll be here soon...

About 3 or 4 years ago I looked all over the stinking place for a "mini computer". Basically a tiny type pad that I could take with me wherever I go (ie- travel journals) but not paying an arm and a leg. I seriously did a lot of research looking for this kind of thing. Now, you can buy a tiny laptop computer with basic computer/typing functions for a few hundred bucks. I think in the next 5 years they'll have them even smaller and its' only function will be typing and maybe email....oh, and like under $40 or $50.

They should be programing phones so that when we plug it in to charge, we can choose something like "Charge Mode" so it automatically stops charging once it's totally charged. This would allow cell phones, computers, anything chargeable to not be damaged by being plugged up for way too long. Or maybe an "Overnight Charge Mode" so it charges slowly for 7-9 hours.

I think in the next 5-10 years we will have tiny tracking devices that look like a sticker. We can put these stickers on just about anything- our cars, computers, phones, passports, credit cards, wallets, etc. You will have the option of programing them to your computer so if you lose one of these things you can go to your computer and look up where your item is. By that time, it can connect to Google maps so you can track it in case you've lost it or had it stolen. OR you can buy the advanced stickers which have a tiny device that sounds an alarm when you need it to... like when you're in your house going crazy looking for your wallet when it's actually stuck under a couch cushion in your living room. The whole kit shouldn't cost more than $100 eventually, but it'll be pretty expensive at the beginning.

We will also have keychain breathalyzers. Yeah, no more leaving a party in the car while second guessing yourself whether you're over the alcohol limit. These keychains, which shouldn't cost more than $20, will help you and your friends stay safe while having fun on the town.... and will let you prove to your friend that they're drunk while they're saying, "No really man, I've only had 10 beers, I'm totally fine".

I think National Polls will start to become a CRAZE in the United States. They will be the most popular thing ever and we'll be talking about them every day. Soon, people will be like, "Dude, did you hear the poll from last week about cell phones?!" or whatever. Every week we'll have 1-5 questions asked about our personal lives so that we know more about trends in the States. They'll ask us simple questions like- Do you like living in a city? Or how often do you drink coffee? Whatever. They could be funny, personal, or totally random. I'm not sure if they could figure out an incentive program for people who did the poll- like a coupon or something, but that'd be cool. The results for these polls would be all over the news and main TV shows too. I see this happening!

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. There's a good chance none of these things will ever happen but I feel better now that I've said my opinion. :)

When Did This Happen?

When I was younger, people always thought I was a lot older than I really was. I always got the, "You're only 16?!" kind of comments. Sometime around the age of 23 or so that stopped, and people thought I was younger than I was. I got the, "Oh wow, I thought you were like 19" comments. So I've been convinced that I've been a 19 year old for about 6 or 7 years.

Even a few years ago I still felt like a teenager- I felt/feel immature in certain scenarios-- especially socially. Deep down, under the composed facade, I'm a big pervert. (ha!) No, but I thought of the idea of me being married with kids, for example, a few years ago. That idea was insane to me, because I felt like just a kid. A kid having a kid- weird.

But something has happened over the past year or so. Somehow I feel like an adult all of the sudden. Not like an old crazy cat lady hag or anything, just like an adult. Something happened in the past year or so that has helped me fall into this roll of a "responsible" adult. The ideas of having a husband and making a home and taking care of kids doesn't feel all that foreign to me anymore. It's a pretty strange feeling, honestly. Not to say there was ever a point where I didn't want a boyfriend or husband, ya know. I'm not saying I finally want one.... but rather, I'm finally ready for all that jazz.

Hmm... weird.

Now that I'm a real adult, do I need to start investing in retirement and 401k's?!

Maybe I'll skip that part for a few years. :)

An Overseas God

So maybe this is a totally normal thing to go through once returning to your home country after being in missions.... but I feel a drastic difference between my relationship with God while living in the States. It makes sense, really. In Slovakia I was surrounded by a close Christian community and we discussed our faith very often. I was also alienated from most people in Trnava because we didn't speak the same language, which made my internal dialogue with God a lot more active. There was a certain amount of dependence on God there. Just walking around knowing that I needed to rely on God to finally provide the support I needed to live was also a factor.

I wonder if it's quite a few different factors happening at the same time. I'm not around a strict Christian community, I'm immediately culturally accepted back into my culture because, well, I'm an American. It's no surprise that most Americans feel like they're taking care of themselves. We go to work, make OUR money and provide for US. That's how I feel-- I need to take care of MYself till I get on MY feet.

::sigh::

So lately I've had thoughts going through my head about whether the God of my life in America is the same God in my life in Slovakia. It's been a challenge.

I'm praying for God to draw close to me and show me His goodness.

Churches in Charlotte

One fascinating and sometimes frustrating aspect of moving to a new city is finding a new church. Two weeks ago I went to a a church called Christ Central Church. I had heard about from someone, and stuck out to me because it actually takes place in a community theatre in a very unique, artsy part of town. Here is their surprisingly unimpressive website: http://www.christcentralchurch.com/

One of my favorite characteristics of this church is that it actually used to be a XXX theatre and the upstairs used to be a brothel. In fact, the church offices are currently in the previous brothel, and the numbers are still bolted to the door that indicated which room the prostitute was in. The pastor mentioned that it's a constant reminder of our fallen nature. I love that.



So I found a seat and we started worship. There was an older guitarist, a drummer and bassist. I'm usually not a huge fan of that many instruments in worship like this, but they played it very tastefully and it was actually pretty nice. There were 5 singers- 3 white girls, a girl that looked just like Alicia Keys, and a black male singer that looked a lot like LL Cool J. He had a GREAT gospel voice.



The pastor, who is a young black man that looks like Theo from the Bill Cosby Show with dreadlocks came out to preach. In general I really liked him, but I kinda thought he made too many references to rap music and I kinda questioned his sincerity during prayer--though, honestly, I don't really know him well enough to make that assumption.



They gave us a choice between wine and juice for communion, which I thought was very thoughtful. It's also a PCA reformed church which is awesome.

This past Sunday I went to Renovatus church. I had heard really good things about it so I thought I'd check it out. They're actually located inside a mall on a dodgey part of town, but I didn't have a problem with that. http://www.renovatuscommunity.com

The church is affiliated with Church of God which has some doctrines I don't think I agree with. It was borderline Charasmastic/Pentecostal and at times I was a bit uncomfortable. The preacher also sounded like he had about a dozen energy drinks before he went on stage too. It was really tough for me to pay attention because of that.



What I liked about the church were things that don't matter though- I loved the logo, the lead singer of the band, the all around laid back atmosphere. I also liked their ideas on reaching out to the homeless community.

Whether or not I'd want to go back to this church is in question, but I didn't get a strong feeling that I should. Who knows, we'll see.

My Favorite Shots from Last Year

Favorite Shots from Europe

The Risk I'VE Chosen to Take

So a little over a week ago I wrote something on my computer. I haven't posted it because it could potentially offend some people. But then I thought, geez, this is my blog and people don't have to read it if they don't want to! I definitely wrote this under some influence of being kinda pissed off and I may have reworded things a little sweeter if I were to re-write it....but whatever.

I am accountable to my Father in Heaven, not you. So back off.

This is what I've been thinking a lot lately. Now people, I understand this idea of holding each other accountable. I'm not talking about sin... ok? So relax. I need you to hold me accountable with sin, that's why we're here for each other. I'm talking about getting on one another's backs for unimportant crap. The stuff that doesn't harm myself--the stuff that doesn't offend God or others. I'm talking about MY personal decisions about MY life that don't really affect you.

If you can't understand why I moved to Florida 5 years ago, I'm sorry but I can't help you. If you can't understand why I raised support to go to Slovakia, I'm sorry but I've explained myself as much as I can. If you can't understand why I'm moving to Charlotte, I'm sorry but it's my decision and it shouldn't offend you. I have found that the people questioning me to no end are the same people who never ask me personal questions... the people who don't really care about how I'm doing... the people who never call, never e-mail, never contact me. You are the people who don't know what's going on because you don't bother to ask before you judge me. Once you realize my reasoning, you'll find that many of my decisions actually make a little bit of sense. Sure, I make mistakes like we all do. I'm not yelling at you people who don't contact me a lot- please understand. I'm saying that these are strangely enough the people who judge me so much more than people I DO talk to. In fact, if you're reading this then there's a VERY good chance you're not one of these people since those particular people don't care about reading my stupid blog.

The people I'm referring to assume that the decisions I make are random. They think I stand back, close my eyes, shake the 8 ball and do whatever it tells me to. Or they think I'm just running from something therefore I need to keep moving so I don't deal with my own problems. I'm not making this up- people have said this before. Again, these are the people who don't really know me.

"Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die." -Jonathan Edwards. For the record, I have personally tried to live my life according to how I will feel on my deathbed. Did I love people the best I could have? Did I seize opportunities and adventures? Did I explore and was I curious enough? Did I do all I could to glorify God? If the answers to those questions aren't great now, I doubt they'll be any better when I die.

So for me, personally, that means taking opportunities when I have them, because now is the time for me to do it while not having a family and house and all that. In 2004 it meant seizing an opportunity with a friend to travel around the U.S. in a van for a month. Last year it meant jumping on a bus to take me from Slovakia to Croatia by myself so I could spend some much needed time with my sister. It means moving to Charlotte with no job and living with people I've never really met because if I don't take this opportunity now I may never have it again and I want to be in Charlotte for years... you hear that world? Years! Yes, this means that I'm attempting to make decisions for the long run. This has always been the plan if you've ever taken the time to ask. I'm not saying you need to agree with every move I make. But I am asking you to please consider your criticism of me before you give it. And also ask yourself if I'm criticizing YOU...

Now while I'm on the subject, let me just say that I did not go to Slovakia because I felt like I needed to necessarily "Seize the day", ok? This was not selfish ambition. This was not my need to travel. I sacrificed a lot including a great job, my car, living at home for almost a year, possibly damaging some friendships, having to start completely over again. This was not a vacation. Yes, the Lord blessed me like crazy over there and I had the time of my life at certain times-- but I went because I knew the Lord was calling me there. That's all I need to say about that.

I made a comment on Facebook a few weeks ago and a few people's responses have been bothering me since then. Maybe that's what has sparked me saying all this stuff to you right now. I said, "I think that some people look at those who travel around often and think 'What are they running from?' but I look at the people asking the question and wonder 'What are they hiding from'?. This was not a random statement. In fact, it was in response to a few people I know who have criticized me for my travels and simply want me to move back home. They get the sense that I'm running from something and it's simply not the case. I get the sense that they're hiding from something because these people I'm referring to have never been, nor ever want to leave the country or southeast part of the United States. I'm not criticizing them for not traveling, mind you. I'm criticizing the way they look down on me for not being content by staying in a tiny town for the rest of my life.

Another thing I found interesting last week... Someone asked me, "So are you done traveling?". ::sigh:: I'm not trying to be stubborn here, folks. But listen, I hope I never stop traveling. I hope I never stop exploring, trying new things, seeing new places. I'm sure when I'm 80 I may be thinking different things, but I'm saying that I don't want to be afraid to explore, or be bored by the idea. God made this beautiful earth and I think we don't do His creation justice by sitting on our couch in our little house in our little town for the rest of our lives. That's my personal opinion, and if you're currently doing that, then by all means have at it- you don't see me criticizing you... but please, PLEASE stop criticizing me for living my life!

Oh and ONE more thing, if you don't mind. Just for the record... I've had a few people insinuate that I enjoy being single and lonely. Are you kidding me? Seriously? If you knew me at all you would soon find out that I desire to have a family. I want a husband and a cute little suburban house and a dog and a wedding and a baby shower and babies. I want that life, but it doesn't mean I'm going to sit around and wait for that to happen while I just get older and older. Sure, some of my experiences have maybe made it hard for guys to want to pursue me because I've been out of the country or moving or something. That's the risk I've chosen to take.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, as Aretha Sang

What attracts you to friends? Not boyfriends or girlfriends, I mean good ol' fashioned friends. What is it about them that makes you like them? What makes you click? What keeps you from saying Screw You and walking away to never talk to them again?

I believe I have a pretty simple answer to that question. Now sure, there are many factors that help you make that decision. They may dress like you, or listen to the same kind of music or maybe you just work with them or attend the same school. There are factors that you're not even aware of. For example, if I'm a 26 year old single American female, I will probably tend to be friends with someone of a similar status. I would not naturally be good friends with a 50 year old Chinese man or a 10 year old.

But it's more than just demographics that go into friendships. I think for me the greatest factor in friendships is respect. Think about it, are you good friends with people you don't respect? I doubt it. If you are friends with someone you really don't respect, there's something wrong with that relationship. I am not friends with certain people because I don't respect them. I don't like the decisions they've made or how they spend their lives. You are who you hang around with, so if you hang around losers all day, will that not greatly affect your character? I think so.

I came to that conclusion after a long 12 hour drive a few days ago. I was listening to a friend of mine playing the piano that was recorded on a CD. I found myself thinking, Geez I totally don't deserve a friend that talented! I have felt that same feeling towards friends who have other gifts and talents, like being totally fluent in 2 or more languages. I've felt that about friends who are happier than I am, friends who are well rounded and normal, or friends that choose purity over lack of self control.

And I don't believe I love them only because of their talents but I respect those who have great qualities. Part of having a skill is determination, discipline, and intelligence! I respect that, and because I respect them, I look up to them. I believe a healthy relationship or friendship kinda requires both of you to think, "Gosh, I kinda don't deserve his/her friendship". At least, I think the closest friendships should have that element. Speaking of which, I also think you NEED to think that way about your potential spouse. If I can't "look up" to my boyfriend, if I can't respect him, then forget marriage! I'll be living in resentment towards him and vice versa.

Anyway that's all I wanted to say about that.

A Fine Line

"There's a fine line between a man and an ass."
-Jayson Rawlins

Debunking the Expensive Whole Foods Myth

I've been doing a lot of thinking, hearing, and reading lately about eating better. I'm pretty happy that I love vegetables, by the way! That sounds random, but I'm serious. I'm related to some people (AHEM, my sister, AHEM) who hates veggies and fruits. I've decided to start eating healthier on a regular basis. Stress on the part: REGULAR BASIS. I'm all about healthy weird food, trust me. But I'm also all about Taco Hell and fatty foods. I've been made aware lately of quite a few people who have lost a crap load of weight by eating better and working out. I hope to jump on that wagon. Maybe it'll help by saying it publicly like this--even though maybe 2 people read this thing! Ha. OH maybe, maybe, I can have some kind of accountability on this thing, like tell you how much I'm losing. Hmm. Maybe.


Speaking of eating better, a lot of people say that eating healthier is too expensive. Well, I hear you, I was one of those people. However, my goal is to debunk this myth this year. I want to discover and explain how eating healthy can be very cost efficient. In fact, maybe I'd like to work on figuring out how to eat healthier on X number of dollars per week per person. So if you ever have any ideas about this or recipes, pass em' along! By the way, if you would like some very entertaining, effective, eye-opening, and totally offensive reading material, (and I do mean offensive), check out the books Skinny Bitch or Skinny Bastard (if you're a guy).