Lately I've been fascinated by this idea of being "smitten" with someone. I think it's generally understood that this word relates to being smitten by someone from the opposite sex. More often than not, I think that's true. But I also think it's amazing how sometimes that can happen with meeting new people...I think it can simply mean a general attraction.
For example, let's say I'm at a party with 50 strangers. There is something natural inside of all of us that want to gravitate towards someone or a group of people because you're in a social environment and don't want to be the creep in the corner. What is it that helps us decide who we should talk to? What is it inside of us that provokes that spark you have with someone- no matter what sex they're from.
For example, what is it inside of me that decides that out of all my female acquaintances, I know that this person or that person will probably be friends with me for a very long time? While most of the other ones I will probably not know for a few more years? Or how I would literally do anything for a few close friends and would rather not do much of anything for other friends? What IS it about having those relationships that makes us a little crazy? That makes us want to drive across the friggin country or fly across the friggin world to spend some time with them. Not "crazy" as in a little psycho/obsessed, I mean.... that real, genuine love for friends that would make you do just about anything for them. I'm so fascinated by this! And ya know what even blows my mind away even more? That Christ is smitten with us, and He has that real love for us--He's crazy about us! I wonder if God gave us love like that so we could understand how much He loves us?
I've lately thought about this in reference to men/mates too. I've met a lot of nice fellows in Charlotte so far, and I have to be really careful to be honest. I tend to be smitten a little too easily. Problem is, I'm usually the one to be smitten and the "smittee" forgets about me the next day. I say that not for a pity party--it's the truth! So I've made a decision. I refuse to become smitten with a boy until he is smitten with me. Or at least, until he's made a pretty darn good effort to communicate that he's really into me.
I believe if I don't start guarding my heart I'll start to become really bitter towards guys and that's the last thing I want to happen. I like guys.
I guess I've been thinking lately how nice it would be for one day some man to be smitten with me...and how that would feel if I were equally smitten by him! I look forward to the day, and I hope my standards are not too high...just seems like that should be a minimum for a relationship ever working, ya know? I better love him if I'm gonna wash his underwear, and he better love me if he has to listen to my loud music. hehe ok I'm done now. Had to get that off my chest.
I have never listened to another artist that consistently takes my little heart and squeezes it every time I listen to their music. Deb Talan, I applaud you.
I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I have good ideas sometimes. I can say that because I've had a decent amount of random ideas over the past few years and they keep ending up being invented by somebody! So I'm going on record for stuff I think will be invented soon or claiming ideas already invented. Why? Because I'm bored and unemployed and I need to have an ounce of confidence in myself that's been taken away by no job... that's why :)
I thought of a business that allows people to call or text to ask any question in the world. People would pay monthly or per question. It could be run by one person to begin with then grown when business gets better. They invented KGB.com which is exactly my idea! I took the test for working there and passed, now I'm just waiting on their training to start.
Last year I thought that cars should give you the option of the car automatically turning it's music volume down when it slows down/comes to a stop. Well, I was in my new car the other day and realized it does that automatically. Cool!
I thought of celebrity voices on GPS units instead of that mechanical sounding woman. A few months ago I found out they made one with Snoop Dog's voice on it. I think they'll keep going with this. Soon, I'll have Brad Pitt telling me what to do....
I knew they'd have the Starbucks road signs on the highways! It's about time, but they need to develop it more and have all coffee shops included in the Food signs on the interstates. They also copied my double shot over ice drink and included it in a monthly special!
We'll also have iPod/iPhone holders for our steering wheels, dashboards and/or the back of seats. Yes, this is sad, but darnit, when I'm on a plane or driving a bajilion hours in a car on a straight highway, I kinda wanna watch a movie on my iPod. My hand gets tired from holding it and I can't tape it to my steering wheel. Just watch, it'll be here soon...
About 3 or 4 years ago I looked all over the stinking place for a "mini computer". Basically a tiny type pad that I could take with me wherever I go (ie- travel journals) but not paying an arm and a leg. I seriously did a lot of research looking for this kind of thing. Now, you can buy a tiny laptop computer with basic computer/typing functions for a few hundred bucks. I think in the next 5 years they'll have them even smaller and its' only function will be typing and maybe email....oh, and like under $40 or $50.
They should be programing phones so that when we plug it in to charge, we can choose something like "Charge Mode" so it automatically stops charging once it's totally charged. This would allow cell phones, computers, anything chargeable to not be damaged by being plugged up for way too long. Or maybe an "Overnight Charge Mode" so it charges slowly for 7-9 hours.
I think in the next 5-10 years we will have tiny tracking devices that look like a sticker. We can put these stickers on just about anything- our cars, computers, phones, passports, credit cards, wallets, etc. You will have the option of programing them to your computer so if you lose one of these things you can go to your computer and look up where your item is. By that time, it can connect to Google maps so you can track it in case you've lost it or had it stolen. OR you can buy the advanced stickers which have a tiny device that sounds an alarm when you need it to... like when you're in your house going crazy looking for your wallet when it's actually stuck under a couch cushion in your living room. The whole kit shouldn't cost more than $100 eventually, but it'll be pretty expensive at the beginning.
We will also have keychain breathalyzers. Yeah, no more leaving a party in the car while second guessing yourself whether you're over the alcohol limit. These keychains, which shouldn't cost more than $20, will help you and your friends stay safe while having fun on the town.... and will let you prove to your friend that they're drunk while they're saying, "No really man, I've only had 10 beers, I'm totally fine".
I think National Polls will start to become a CRAZE in the United States. They will be the most popular thing ever and we'll be talking about them every day. Soon, people will be like, "Dude, did you hear the poll from last week about cell phones?!" or whatever. Every week we'll have 1-5 questions asked about our personal lives so that we know more about trends in the States. They'll ask us simple questions like- Do you like living in a city? Or how often do you drink coffee? Whatever. They could be funny, personal, or totally random. I'm not sure if they could figure out an incentive program for people who did the poll- like a coupon or something, but that'd be cool. The results for these polls would be all over the news and main TV shows too. I see this happening!
Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. There's a good chance none of these things will ever happen but I feel better now that I've said my opinion. :)
When I was younger, people always thought I was a lot older than I really was. I always got the, "You're only 16?!" kind of comments. Sometime around the age of 23 or so that stopped, and people thought I was younger than I was. I got the, "Oh wow, I thought you were like 19" comments. So I've been convinced that I've been a 19 year old for about 6 or 7 years.
Even a few years ago I still felt like a teenager- I felt/feel immature in certain scenarios-- especially socially. Deep down, under the composed facade, I'm a big pervert. (ha!) No, but I thought of the idea of me being married with kids, for example, a few years ago. That idea was insane to me, because I felt like just a kid. A kid having a kid- weird.
But something has happened over the past year or so. Somehow I feel like an adult all of the sudden. Not like an old crazy cat lady hag or anything, just like an adult. Something happened in the past year or so that has helped me fall into this roll of a "responsible" adult. The ideas of having a husband and making a home and taking care of kids doesn't feel all that foreign to me anymore. It's a pretty strange feeling, honestly. Not to say there was ever a point where I didn't want a boyfriend or husband, ya know. I'm not saying I finally want one.... but rather, I'm finally ready for all that jazz.
Hmm... weird.
Now that I'm a real adult, do I need to start investing in retirement and 401k's?!
Maybe I'll skip that part for a few years. :)
So maybe this is a totally normal thing to go through once returning to your home country after being in missions.... but I feel a drastic difference between my relationship with God while living in the States. It makes sense, really. In Slovakia I was surrounded by a close Christian community and we discussed our faith very often. I was also alienated from most people in Trnava because we didn't speak the same language, which made my internal dialogue with God a lot more active. There was a certain amount of dependence on God there. Just walking around knowing that I needed to rely on God to finally provide the support I needed to live was also a factor.
I wonder if it's quite a few different factors happening at the same time. I'm not around a strict Christian community, I'm immediately culturally accepted back into my culture because, well, I'm an American. It's no surprise that most Americans feel like they're taking care of themselves. We go to work, make OUR money and provide for US. That's how I feel-- I need to take care of MYself till I get on MY feet.
::sigh::
So lately I've had thoughts going through my head about whether the God of my life in America is the same God in my life in Slovakia. It's been a challenge.
I'm praying for God to draw close to me and show me His goodness.
One fascinating and sometimes frustrating aspect of moving to a new city is finding a new church. Two weeks ago I went to a a church called Christ Central Church. I had heard about from someone, and stuck out to me because it actually takes place in a community theatre in a very unique, artsy part of town. Here is their surprisingly unimpressive website: http://www.christcentralchurch.com/
One of my favorite characteristics of this church is that it actually used to be a XXX theatre and the upstairs used to be a brothel. In fact, the church offices are currently in the previous brothel, and the numbers are still bolted to the door that indicated which room the prostitute was in. The pastor mentioned that it's a constant reminder of our fallen nature. I love that. 
So I found a seat and we started worship. There was an older guitarist, a drummer and bassist. I'm usually not a huge fan of that many instruments in worship like this, but they played it very tastefully and it was actually pretty nice. There were 5 singers- 3 white girls, a girl that looked just like Alicia Keys, and a black male singer that looked a lot like LL Cool J. He had a GREAT gospel voice. 
The pastor, who is a young black man that looks like Theo from the Bill Cosby Show with dreadlocks came out to preach. In general I really liked him, but I kinda thought he made too many references to rap music and I kinda questioned his sincerity during prayer--though, honestly, I don't really know him well enough to make that assumption. 
They gave us a choice between wine and juice for communion, which I thought was very thoughtful. It's also a PCA reformed church which is awesome.
This past Sunday I went to Renovatus church. I had heard really good things about it so I thought I'd check it out. They're actually located inside a mall on a dodgey part of town, but I didn't have a problem with that. http://www.renovatuscommunity.com
The church is affiliated with Church of God which has some doctrines I don't think I agree with. It was borderline Charasmastic/Pentecostal and at times I was a bit uncomfortable. The preacher also sounded like he had about a dozen energy drinks before he went on stage too. It was really tough for me to pay attention because of that. 
What I liked about the church were things that don't matter though- I loved the logo, the lead singer of the band, the all around laid back atmosphere. I also liked their ideas on reaching out to the homeless community.
Whether or not I'd want to go back to this church is in question, but I didn't get a strong feeling that I should. Who knows, we'll see.
So a little over a week ago I wrote something on my computer. I haven't posted it because it could potentially offend some people. But then I thought, geez, this is my blog and people don't have to read it if they don't want to! I definitely wrote this under some influence of being kinda pissed off and I may have reworded things a little sweeter if I were to re-write it....but whatever.
I am accountable to my Father in Heaven, not you. So back off.
This is what I've been thinking a lot lately. Now people, I understand this idea of holding each other accountable. I'm not talking about sin... ok? So relax. I need you to hold me accountable with sin, that's why we're here for each other. I'm talking about getting on one another's backs for unimportant crap. The stuff that doesn't harm myself--the stuff that doesn't offend God or others. I'm talking about MY personal decisions about MY life that don't really affect you.
If you can't understand why I moved to Florida 5 years ago, I'm sorry but I can't help you. If you can't understand why I raised support to go to Slovakia, I'm sorry but I've explained myself as much as I can. If you can't understand why I'm moving to Charlotte, I'm sorry but it's my decision and it shouldn't offend you. I have found that the people questioning me to no end are the same people who never ask me personal questions... the people who don't really care about how I'm doing... the people who never call, never e-mail, never contact me. You are the people who don't know what's going on because you don't bother to ask before you judge me. Once you realize my reasoning, you'll find that many of my decisions actually make a little bit of sense. Sure, I make mistakes like we all do. I'm not yelling at you people who don't contact me a lot- please understand. I'm saying that these are strangely enough the people who judge me so much more than people I DO talk to. In fact, if you're reading this then there's a VERY good chance you're not one of these people since those particular people don't care about reading my stupid blog.
The people I'm referring to assume that the decisions I make are random. They think I stand back, close my eyes, shake the 8 ball and do whatever it tells me to. Or they think I'm just running from something therefore I need to keep moving so I don't deal with my own problems. I'm not making this up- people have said this before. Again, these are the people who don't really know me.
"Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die." -Jonathan Edwards. For the record, I have personally tried to live my life according to how I will feel on my deathbed. Did I love people the best I could have? Did I seize opportunities and adventures? Did I explore and was I curious enough? Did I do all I could to glorify God? If the answers to those questions aren't great now, I doubt they'll be any better when I die.
So for me, personally, that means taking opportunities when I have them, because now is the time for me to do it while not having a family and house and all that. In 2004 it meant seizing an opportunity with a friend to travel around the U.S. in a van for a month. Last year it meant jumping on a bus to take me from Slovakia to Croatia by myself so I could spend some much needed time with my sister. It means moving to Charlotte with no job and living with people I've never really met because if I don't take this opportunity now I may never have it again and I want to be in Charlotte for years... you hear that world? Years! Yes, this means that I'm attempting to make decisions for the long run. This has always been the plan if you've ever taken the time to ask. I'm not saying you need to agree with every move I make. But I am asking you to please consider your criticism of me before you give it. And also ask yourself if I'm criticizing YOU...
Now while I'm on the subject, let me just say that I did not go to Slovakia because I felt like I needed to necessarily "Seize the day", ok? This was not selfish ambition. This was not my need to travel. I sacrificed a lot including a great job, my car, living at home for almost a year, possibly damaging some friendships, having to start completely over again. This was not a vacation. Yes, the Lord blessed me like crazy over there and I had the time of my life at certain times-- but I went because I knew the Lord was calling me there. That's all I need to say about that.
I made a comment on Facebook a few weeks ago and a few people's responses have been bothering me since then. Maybe that's what has sparked me saying all this stuff to you right now. I said, "I think that some people look at those who travel around often and think 'What are they running from?' but I look at the people asking the question and wonder 'What are they hiding from'?. This was not a random statement. In fact, it was in response to a few people I know who have criticized me for my travels and simply want me to move back home. They get the sense that I'm running from something and it's simply not the case. I get the sense that they're hiding from something because these people I'm referring to have never been, nor ever want to leave the country or southeast part of the United States. I'm not criticizing them for not traveling, mind you. I'm criticizing the way they look down on me for not being content by staying in a tiny town for the rest of my life.
Another thing I found interesting last week... Someone asked me, "So are you done traveling?". ::sigh:: I'm not trying to be stubborn here, folks. But listen, I hope I never stop traveling. I hope I never stop exploring, trying new things, seeing new places. I'm sure when I'm 80 I may be thinking different things, but I'm saying that I don't want to be afraid to explore, or be bored by the idea. God made this beautiful earth and I think we don't do His creation justice by sitting on our couch in our little house in our little town for the rest of our lives. That's my personal opinion, and if you're currently doing that, then by all means have at it- you don't see me criticizing you... but please, PLEASE stop criticizing me for living my life!
Oh and ONE more thing, if you don't mind. Just for the record... I've had a few people insinuate that I enjoy being single and lonely. Are you kidding me? Seriously? If you knew me at all you would soon find out that I desire to have a family. I want a husband and a cute little suburban house and a dog and a wedding and a baby shower and babies. I want that life, but it doesn't mean I'm going to sit around and wait for that to happen while I just get older and older. Sure, some of my experiences have maybe made it hard for guys to want to pursue me because I've been out of the country or moving or something. That's the risk I've chosen to take.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
What attracts you to friends? Not boyfriends or girlfriends, I mean good ol' fashioned friends. What is it about them that makes you like them? What makes you click? What keeps you from saying Screw You and walking away to never talk to them again?
I believe I have a pretty simple answer to that question. Now sure, there are many factors that help you make that decision. They may dress like you, or listen to the same kind of music or maybe you just work with them or attend the same school. There are factors that you're not even aware of. For example, if I'm a 26 year old single American female, I will probably tend to be friends with someone of a similar status. I would not naturally be good friends with a 50 year old Chinese man or a 10 year old.
But it's more than just demographics that go into friendships. I think for me the greatest factor in friendships is respect. Think about it, are you good friends with people you don't respect? I doubt it. If you are friends with someone you really don't respect, there's something wrong with that relationship. I am not friends with certain people because I don't respect them. I don't like the decisions they've made or how they spend their lives. You are who you hang around with, so if you hang around losers all day, will that not greatly affect your character? I think so.
I came to that conclusion after a long 12 hour drive a few days ago. I was listening to a friend of mine playing the piano that was recorded on a CD. I found myself thinking, Geez I totally don't deserve a friend that talented! I have felt that same feeling towards friends who have other gifts and talents, like being totally fluent in 2 or more languages. I've felt that about friends who are happier than I am, friends who are well rounded and normal, or friends that choose purity over lack of self control.
And I don't believe I love them only because of their talents but I respect those who have great qualities. Part of having a skill is determination, discipline, and intelligence! I respect that, and because I respect them, I look up to them. I believe a healthy relationship or friendship kinda requires both of you to think, "Gosh, I kinda don't deserve his/her friendship". At least, I think the closest friendships should have that element. Speaking of which, I also think you NEED to think that way about your potential spouse. If I can't "look up" to my boyfriend, if I can't respect him, then forget marriage! I'll be living in resentment towards him and vice versa.
Anyway that's all I wanted to say about that.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, hearing, and reading lately about eating better. I'm pretty happy that I love vegetables, by the way! That sounds random, but I'm serious. I'm related to some people (AHEM, my sister, AHEM) who hates veggies and fruits. I've decided to start eating healthier on a regular basis. Stress on the part: REGULAR BASIS. I'm all about healthy weird food, trust me. But I'm also all about Taco Hell and fatty foods. I've been made aware lately of quite a few people who have lost a crap load of weight by eating better and working out. I hope to jump on that wagon. Maybe it'll help by saying it publicly like this--even though maybe 2 people read this thing! Ha. OH maybe, maybe, I can have some kind of accountability on this thing, like tell you how much I'm losing. Hmm. Maybe. 
Speaking of eating better, a lot of people say that eating healthier is too expensive. Well, I hear you, I was one of those people. However, my goal is to debunk this myth this year. I want to discover and explain how eating healthy can be very cost efficient. In fact, maybe I'd like to work on figuring out how to eat healthier on X number of dollars per week per person. So if you ever have any ideas about this or recipes, pass em' along! By the way, if you would like some very entertaining, effective, eye-opening, and totally offensive reading material, (and I do mean offensive), check out the books Skinny Bitch or Skinny Bastard (if you're a guy).
Ok, so I've been itching to write for a long time. I get in this very strange laziness that comes over me when I go live with my family--I don't know why--but I haven't written in a while. I wanted to catch you up (whoever you are, if you even care) on what I'm planning next week.
Lord willing I'll be moving to Charlotte, NC, a fairly large city about 2 hours southwest of my hometown. I've been considering moving to Charlotte for years actually, but the timing was never right. I considered it before moving to Florida and again before I decided to go to Slovakia. In other words, it's been in conversations with my parents for years as I thought out loud, "What about Charlotte?" I hope that answers your questions about whether this was a random or haphazard decision.
Speaking of assumptions... no wait, I'll get into that in another post. This is purely informational.
So about 3 weeks ago or so, I went down to Charlotte with no plan. I went to let the wind take me wherever I end up. God has a really great way of guiding that wind sometimes, wouldn't you say? The only plans I had was to attend this Christmas party. In fact, the party was hosted by an association I'm a part of called AIGA, which is a professional association for design (big bucks to be a member). I had hoped to maybe make a few professional connections and maybe, just maybe, find that one person I needed to give me a job.
Well I didn't necessarily find that job yet, but I did meet a girl named Amy. I told them I was very interested in moving to Charlotte, but really need to find a job first. I soon find out that Amy has an extra bedroom in her house nearby and they desperately needed another roommate. So I say "Ok, I'll think about it and get back to you." (By the way, I did get 2nd place in the Christmas party for wearing the ugliest Christmas sweater! I'm very proud.)
The next morning I left to do some missionary internship debriefing in Atlanta for a few days. But on the way back I texted Amy and said something like, "I know this is crazy, but can I stop by Charlotte and check out your house?" So I did! In those conversations, we slowly start to realize that we're both Christians, and the other roommates in the house are Christians too! I thought I may have suspected something ;)
The house looks like a pretty good match. It's about 10 minutes southwest of downtown and 10 minutes from my cousin which is great. Another feature I love is that the house is located about 5 or 10 minutes (walking time) from a tram/train station which takes you directly downtown. The cost is about $1.50 each way. I'm excited about the idea of a train again and walking more than usual, as it really reminds of me Europe.
Oh, and did I mention that there's supposed to be a squash court downtown too? I'm even more excited about that. Squash has been the only sport other than softball that I've enjoyed and stuck with fairly consistently. We stopped playing after last spring but if I have a partner or group that plays, I'm so there! Anyway I totally suck at playing but it's super fun. I'll be kinda pissed if I find out that the courts aren't there anymore or are super expensive.
I'll be living with 4, yes F-O-U-R girls. 5 chicks in one house. To be completely honest, I'm not really stoked about this as I would prefer to have a bit more privacy. However, my room is kinda separated from the rest and I have my own bathroom. Another nice thing is that rent is month-to-month and it's VERY reasonably priced. Maybe it'll be good for me to live with so many hormones flying around!
I'm a bit scared at moving there with no job. That may appear as a totally bogus thing to do and I'd probably be the first one to criticize someone for moving some place unemployed. However, I've been looking for jobs for months online and there comes a point where you've gotta just GO to the place you want to work. I hope to spend this time looking for a "real job" at a design, advertising or marketing firm. I'm realizing more and more that it's not a good time of year to get a job, it's not a good economy to get a job, and entering this industry at my skill level (not that good), it's next to impossible to just waltz right into a nice position.
So I'd appreciate your prayers as I look for a crap job while searching for a real job. I didn't think I'd have to backtrack so much after leaving Florida. I really felt like I was getting on my feet- a real job, a decent place to live, etc. I don't feel that way any more. I feel too old to be looking for coffee shop jobs and all that. It's frustrating. But I've gotta remind myself that this frustration is simply built out of society's expectations of the kind of person I should be at this age. Anyway, this was a longer post than expected.
So this week I took some senior portraits of a guy from my church. I am NOT a portrait photographer, ok? I don't enjoy it and I'm uncomfortable doing it. However, I was asked to do this and I didn't charge them a particular amount--so my expectations were quite low and I needed the experience. I see now some big things I did wrong, but I guess I'll remember that for next time, eh? Here are some shots...
Just a few shots from the wedding I shot last weekend. I happen to add quite a few of the flower girls but she was quite cute!
Who knew what kinds of things I'd need to do so I can get a decent design job. It's all worth it if/when I get that job, in my mind though. One of the most recent ridiculous things I'm doing to make connections in the design world is attending this: http://www.aigacharlotte.org/events/detail/770#register_form
It's a multifaceted event hosted by an arts organization I'm a member of called AIGA. It includes a Toys for Tots toy drive, a general socializing Christmas event, and best of all, an Ugly Christmas Sweater party. And yes, there are prizes for the owner of the ugliest sweater.
So yesterday after an interview I packed a bag for a few days and headed down to Charlotte. I'm going to Atlanta for business for a few days after this, and Charlotte is conveniently located on the way. Yay for me. Last night I found a Goodwill in Charlotte to find this ugly sweater of mine. Let me tell ya, this was the nastiest, skankiest Goodwill I've ever seen. Clothes were not on hangers, rather, they were all piled on giant tables in a huge room with no order whatsoever.
Needless to say I felt a bit uncomfortable taking my iPhone out to take a picture, but I did and here's what it looked like. 
My favorite part was listening to these two homeless people have this ridiculously loud conversation while picking through the piles. I even recorded it, I was so impressed. I did decide to call it quits once I started feeling damp clothes and started itching all over the place.
I must say though, I found a perfect Christmas sweater for the party. The reason I didn't give up on my quest for this sweater is simple... I want to meet people tonight. I want to meet designers and make connections. I want this sweater of ugly Christmas goodness to catch attention, and maybe, just maybe, win the prize of ugliness. I'm hopeful. Here it is, enjoy. 
Ok, soooo I think I just got a job! I say "I think" because it's kind of a weird situation. Basically there's a graphic design company based out of Raleigh, an hour from here. I replied to an ad on Craig's List, and in fact I was one of the first to reply out of over 500 DESIGNERS! Amazingly enough, something about my e-mail caught his attention and we had a 2 hour phone interview/conversation this morning.
The thing is, it's a contracting job so I can actually work from my home or wherever I want. Most people would think this is great, but I was actually hoping for an actual office to show up to and to work with a team. I wanted to learn from a team and be taught, not just work on my own. I also wanted a reason to move to a particular area or city- right now I have no direction on where to go and that's weird for me.
However, this place seems like a really good idea because I'd be working as many hours as I can handle and the pay is grrrrrreat. They said they'll start me off on about 10 hours a week and hopefully move up from there.
So I'll have to get another part time which kinda sucks because I will also be working with a business partner on another web/graphic design business. I'm the kind of person who likes a steady paycheck while showing up to an actual office. I also like health insurance and benefits which I won't be getting. So this is a little outside my comfort zone.
Anyway, I think this will be a good move and I will probably be signing the papers to join the company today! Praise God! Dakujem Jezis! Here's our site:
http://iadvertizing.com/
Wow, what a nice morning. This morning I woke up early at 7:30 (yeah, that's early for me!). I couldn't get back to sleep, and decided I would go get some coffee in Hillsborough in my favorite coffee shop in the world, Cup a' Joe's. I called ahead of time to make sure they were still in business because many coffee shops in this area don't last longer than a few months...understandably so.
I threw some clothes on in the dark, grabbed my computer and iPhone in my backpack, and went on my way. A friend let me borrow her 89' Ford Escort to drive around till I find a car of my own. I'll be calling it "Old Blue" for a while, because it's light blue...and well, old. But it's lovely and I'm so so thankful for it...you have no idea.
So I hopped in Old Blue and went on my way. It's pouring down rain, and should keep raining all week. I stopped in WalMart to get an audio cable so I can hook up my iPod to the stereo in my car. I thought $14 was a ridiculous cost for a simple audio cord, but it's worth the cost of listening to my music in my car.
I hook up my iPod and turn to the Weepies. If you don't know this about me already, you should know that singing along to music while driving a car is one of my favorite things in the world. I missed it so much! It was a little weird getting used to as I haven't done it in over a year (and haven't even driven a car in a year!), but it came naturally and I was singing obnoxiously in no time.
I drive through Hillsborough and I'm so happy to be here. I love this little town. It only consists of about 3 stoplights and a few main city blocks, but it's so quaint and lovely. Mostly liberal neo-hippies live in these parts, but I still love it.
I drive up to my favorite coffee shop and wait in line. I order 4 shots of espresso over extra ice with 2 splendas. The barista remembers that I had come here a ton last year before I left for Slovakia. She asked how my trip went and I shake my head with widened eyes and say, "Awwwwesome", not knowing how much more detail she cares to hear.
I order a pumpkin muffin and sit down with my Mac, muffin, and an incredible cup of iced espresso. I'm serious. This espresso is unbelievably good. It's just perfect. It's smooth, never bitter, a little caramel undertones. The cream is from a farm a few miles away and it's so thick and fresh. Ahhhh, this is the life!
I overhear a conversation of about 5 older people who have met this morning for coffee. They're not your average old people though- they're all drinking strong coffee, they have 1-6 pieces of jewelry on each arm or neck, and they're talking about the differences between deer, elk and moose. A girl sits across from me, intensely looking at her laptop which has an Obama sticker on the front. The cute young man beside me tells his friend about him stopping to pick up a guy who was walking down the road in the rain, his cheap yellow poncho being torn by the wind. He says it with a smile and is proud of his North Face jacket and sturdy leather boots. These are all people who I saw every single time I came here last year when I spent full days drinking coffee and raising support for missions. It's like I never left.
It's still raining outside, and as I sit by the window and glance out, I can still see the red and yellow leaves barely hanging on to the trees outside. The American flag waves in the windy rain above the old Dual Supply Co. store sign.
Gosh, I just love this.
I'm writing this message from a small metal box with a telephone and a bench in it. I've been laying or sitting on the floor for the past 11 hours or so. Part of me wishes a babka would come over and scold me for freezing my ovaries on the cold cement (ohhh Slovakia, how I'll miss you!). The reason I'm stuck at the JFK airport is because I missed my flight to Billings, Montana. Well, wait, let me back up.
I left Monday morning around 7 am from my house and got into Vienna around 8:30. I had a feeling one of my bags was too heavy, even though I checked it a few times with a hand-held scale. Yeah, picking up a 50+ pound bag with a small metal ring while trying to read the weight doesn't work so well, I've learned. I have a lot of luggage. I hate traveling with this much stuff, but I figure that it's worth the pain for so much stuff I've attained over the past year. We get to the counter and of course my duffel is overweight. So I pull over and start yanking out clothes I didn't want that much in the first place and gave them to Kris. Eventually I move things around in my bags so everything works. I even give my guitar to a "special luggage" section and they didn't charge me a penny for taking it.
My first ride to Dusseldorf was fine, but soon after getting on the 9 hour plane ride I realize I'm behind a fussy toddler with unresponsive parents. Great! In the meantime, I'm quite sick with a cold. This puts a damper on sitting, sleeping, and breathing. All in all it was a good flight- great landing, an empty seat on each side of me and 3 entertaining movies. The problem was, once we landed and I saw what time it was, I started to get a little anxious about my upcoming layover in NYC. I knew I didn't have much time as it was, but the plane took another 20 minutes just to drive to the stupid terminal. Finally I get my luggage and plow through people to get in the front of the customs line. Customs is great, but I'm also starting to see how friendly service people are being to customers. I SHOULD like this, but considering the circumstances I absolutely didn't care about their friendly conversation because I needed to get through!
Ok, so I'm one of the first ones through and I get a baggage cart. 5 minutes go by...10 minutes go by...finally after about 20 minutes my luggage comes. Except, when I pick up my guitar case to stand it up on its' own, it almost falls on the ground. Looking at it further I realize that my guitar case is totally destroyed and it was opened up during the flight. Huge cracks are all over it and I feared that I was about to lose it and break down crying if I had opened the case to see my guitar smashed to smithereens. Thankfully, I think, my guitar is fine. Whatever, so I'm running pretty late by this point and I start running.
And running is what I did for the next half hour, as fast as I could, with a full cart of luggage. I go to an information counter and ask where Northwest is. They, of course don't know, consult an old flight book and tell me I should be concerned because it's not listed in their book. Well because I'm a retard and didn't print out e-tickets, I had to consult my computer to triple check that it was from the right airport, at the right time, at the right airline. However, my computer which had no battery was deep in a backpack...which was in another backpack...which was buried under all my luggage. I find a plug. Plug it in and check it, and yes I was right. I ask the same people (as I'm running past them), "WHERE'S NORTHWEST?!" and they slowly take out a map and say, "I THINK it's this terminal here" and show me in the direction of the tram which should take me to the right terminal. I have never seen an elevator or tram go slower in my entire life. What in the world?!
I get to the counter finally, and they tell me I've missed my plane by a long shot. I had two choices- either become furious at the circumstances or just accept it and not blame anybody. They inform me that there are no more flights tonight out to Billings, so I have to wait till 8 am the next morning for a flight. They say I should go downstairs and find the guy at the counter to help me with finding a hotel. I go to the counter and ask what an average hotel cost is around here. He says $200 minimum, and I say Thank you very much then, goodnight!
So... here I am, camping out in an airport. This is the first flight I've ever missed. For those of you ever have to do what I did (take your baggage out, go through customs, and re-check yourself back into the airline), allow yourself at least 2-3 hours! 1.5 isn't even close to enough. I think I gave myself an ulcer.
And, well, of course I'm too paranoid to go to sleep because there are lots of creeps walking around in the middle of the night in this terminal and everything important that I own is here on this cart. So I'm keeping busy by writing, watching Top Chef and Law & Order, and listening to music. I must say, my butt is tired of sitting on cold surfaces.
So a few random things I've noticed about culture shock and cultural differences (since I want to share these things so I don't feel like a freak). First, I've been way too tired and out of it to care about being in this country and being able to speak English. Until I had my most recent coffee and cinnamon bun (HOW I MISS THOSE!), I was so tired I just wanted to cry. But now that I'm waking up I can think more clearly. I am so thankful to speak English. Even though the mean big ladies at the coffee stand were totally mean the 3 times I've been since I got here last night, I was still thankful that they at least understood me. I was even thankful to be able to say, "Whaaaaat? $8.30 for a tuna sandwich I can make at home for like 50 cents?!". How I miss being heard! hah.
I was able to buy straight up coffee. Not an espresso drink, just coffee (for the record, I ordered a latte but the Mexican lady didn't know how to make it so she said "they were out").
Quarters are very thin compared to the Euro.
Many Americans feel the need to be loud and personable in quiet places when it's kinda not appropriate.
I love American electricity plugs. I don't have to use converters any more, and for some reason that makes me happy. Also, I love how many places in this country have plugs in public places for folks to use.
American customer service isn't necessarily better than Slovak in some ways. These two chicks that took my coffee orders were really mean.
That's it for now. I haven't even been outside of this building so it's hard to talk about the shock yet. Just some thoughts I'd share with those interested.
Thanks for all of your support and prayers through all this. Thanks for understanding how mentally difficult this is for me.
Now I'm off to find Air Berlin and harass them about ruining my case and gonna check in for my flight to Billings. :)
Tonight on the walk home I listened to a bit of Tupac, which I usually save for my car speakers which have incredible bass. The problem with all that bass is that you tend to miss lyrics as your ear drums ring. My favorite song by him is called Changes, by the way. One part of the song, where he's complaining about society, he says "We have yet to see a black president" and let me just say (and I'm just being honest) that I smiled when I heard that. Not because I'm proud of Mr. Obama for suckering his way into the presidency, but now people aren't allowed to complain about it.
Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about politics. Nor did I come here to discuss rap necessarily, but while looking up these lyrics below I noticed just how many words good rappers say in one song. It's really incredible- like rap or not, it takes talent to squeeze all that in a song! Ok, back to my point...
On another song called I Ain't Mad At Ya he says this, "I guess change is good for any of us. Whatever it take for any of y'all niggaz to get up out the hood. Shit, I'm wit cha, I ain't mad at cha." And it got me thinking about some things. I have so many friends and family who are in a metaphorical ghetto. They're in a place where they think they can never escape, that some THING is keeping them down, they have good excuses why they're unemployed or unfocused. They're afraid of taking those steps to get out of the ghetto and stay where they are because it's comfortable. For any of those living in the States or are familiar with real ghettos, this is more often than not the case in reality.
I've talked to some people lately now about their jobs. I relayed to them something that my step dad said to my a while ago when I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. It offended me at first, but I believe it's true. He said, "Just PICK SOMETHING. It doesn't matter what it is, choose anything, get training, get good at it, and then you'll learn to like it." I don't care if people want to be an astronaut or a friggin' circus clown, just pick something and take practical steps to get there. Draw a timeline from where you are now, to where you want to be, map out the steps to get there, and do it! It doesn't matter if you're currently passionate about it or even good at it, those things come with years of experience. I personally have found that the more complicated the profession, the better, because you'll never get bored- you're always learning.
I'm not trying to be your mom or a motivational speaker here, but there comes a point in your life where you've got to make a decision and stick with it and you'll watch yourself flourish. Get out of your "ghetto" whether literally or metaphorically speaking and move on. I'm also not saying this because I'm the shining beacon of success- I've got the same amount in my bank account that I did like 7 or 8 years ago and I will be unemployed again in a few months with no place to live....BUT I can tell you from first hand experience that life is much clearer if you just choose something and go with it. You can at least live with a linear direction and know where you're going.
If the Negro in the ghetto must eternally be fed by the hand that pushes him into the ghetto, he will never become strong enough to get out of the ghetto.
Carter G. Woodson
I'm curious to know what your "hand" is...
So lately I've been watching a lot of 30 Rock, an NBC tv show. I was into it a bit before I came here but now I'm watching full seasons at a time. The character development is good, it's subtly hilarious and clever.
I'm watching an episode called Subway here now and I heard a quote I wanted to share:
Liz: Everything in my life is work, but not Dennis Duffy. I don’t have to shave. I don’t have to bathe. I don’t have to be clever or nice.
Jenna: Love is hiding who you really are at all times, even when you’re sleeping. Love is wearing make up to bed, and going downstairs to the Burger King to poop, and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles. That’s love.
Liz: Being with Dennis is easy. If you give into it, you start to feel kind of numb and warm. And then you just get sleepy.
Jenna: That’s exactly what they say happens when you freeze to death.
Liz: Blurg.
To join me on the 30 Rock wagon, check it out: http://tvshack.net/tv/30_Rock/
So the other day I was sitting in my caged in balcony watching and listening. The next day I wrote this- it's not amazing poetry but...ok no more disclaimers! Here's my unedited...thing...
legs dangling through these metal bars
like a bird in a cage
suspended from a hook in the sky ceiling
this place, my dwelling, slovakia, slovensko.
sounds that bounce 7 stories up
a little too well
are like notes in an unsuspecting song
pigeons that gather and flutter together
near the rusted metal door
on the high rise roof
children sliding down the new white slide
up the stairs, down the slide, up and down
big white and black dog running circles
around his master with a ball
listen carefully and hear cabinets close
and dinner plates clatter
as neighborhood mothers prepare an evening meal
in the distance a siren sounds and music bumps
a car speeds and a babka strolls
look downward through my cage
and see a woman with her head over her balcony
her friend who's back is to the ground
face looking straight up
afternoon face to face conversation
high rise style
a group of children with tie-on roller skates ride by below
the last one directs his remote control car with low batteries
"Pockajte!" he yells in frustration
as they roll ahead, impatient with dying batteries
the sound I'll give anything to hear when I'm gone
a faint, but loudly proclaimed
"AHOJ!" shouted from one child to another
with no restraint, as it bounces through the high rise concrete
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