The Risk I'VE Chosen to Take

So a little over a week ago I wrote something on my computer. I haven't posted it because it could potentially offend some people. But then I thought, geez, this is my blog and people don't have to read it if they don't want to! I definitely wrote this under some influence of being kinda pissed off and I may have reworded things a little sweeter if I were to re-write it....but whatever.

I am accountable to my Father in Heaven, not you. So back off.

This is what I've been thinking a lot lately. Now people, I understand this idea of holding each other accountable. I'm not talking about sin... ok? So relax. I need you to hold me accountable with sin, that's why we're here for each other. I'm talking about getting on one another's backs for unimportant crap. The stuff that doesn't harm myself--the stuff that doesn't offend God or others. I'm talking about MY personal decisions about MY life that don't really affect you.

If you can't understand why I moved to Florida 5 years ago, I'm sorry but I can't help you. If you can't understand why I raised support to go to Slovakia, I'm sorry but I've explained myself as much as I can. If you can't understand why I'm moving to Charlotte, I'm sorry but it's my decision and it shouldn't offend you. I have found that the people questioning me to no end are the same people who never ask me personal questions... the people who don't really care about how I'm doing... the people who never call, never e-mail, never contact me. You are the people who don't know what's going on because you don't bother to ask before you judge me. Once you realize my reasoning, you'll find that many of my decisions actually make a little bit of sense. Sure, I make mistakes like we all do. I'm not yelling at you people who don't contact me a lot- please understand. I'm saying that these are strangely enough the people who judge me so much more than people I DO talk to. In fact, if you're reading this then there's a VERY good chance you're not one of these people since those particular people don't care about reading my stupid blog.

The people I'm referring to assume that the decisions I make are random. They think I stand back, close my eyes, shake the 8 ball and do whatever it tells me to. Or they think I'm just running from something therefore I need to keep moving so I don't deal with my own problems. I'm not making this up- people have said this before. Again, these are the people who don't really know me.

"Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die." -Jonathan Edwards. For the record, I have personally tried to live my life according to how I will feel on my deathbed. Did I love people the best I could have? Did I seize opportunities and adventures? Did I explore and was I curious enough? Did I do all I could to glorify God? If the answers to those questions aren't great now, I doubt they'll be any better when I die.

So for me, personally, that means taking opportunities when I have them, because now is the time for me to do it while not having a family and house and all that. In 2004 it meant seizing an opportunity with a friend to travel around the U.S. in a van for a month. Last year it meant jumping on a bus to take me from Slovakia to Croatia by myself so I could spend some much needed time with my sister. It means moving to Charlotte with no job and living with people I've never really met because if I don't take this opportunity now I may never have it again and I want to be in Charlotte for years... you hear that world? Years! Yes, this means that I'm attempting to make decisions for the long run. This has always been the plan if you've ever taken the time to ask. I'm not saying you need to agree with every move I make. But I am asking you to please consider your criticism of me before you give it. And also ask yourself if I'm criticizing YOU...

Now while I'm on the subject, let me just say that I did not go to Slovakia because I felt like I needed to necessarily "Seize the day", ok? This was not selfish ambition. This was not my need to travel. I sacrificed a lot including a great job, my car, living at home for almost a year, possibly damaging some friendships, having to start completely over again. This was not a vacation. Yes, the Lord blessed me like crazy over there and I had the time of my life at certain times-- but I went because I knew the Lord was calling me there. That's all I need to say about that.

I made a comment on Facebook a few weeks ago and a few people's responses have been bothering me since then. Maybe that's what has sparked me saying all this stuff to you right now. I said, "I think that some people look at those who travel around often and think 'What are they running from?' but I look at the people asking the question and wonder 'What are they hiding from'?. This was not a random statement. In fact, it was in response to a few people I know who have criticized me for my travels and simply want me to move back home. They get the sense that I'm running from something and it's simply not the case. I get the sense that they're hiding from something because these people I'm referring to have never been, nor ever want to leave the country or southeast part of the United States. I'm not criticizing them for not traveling, mind you. I'm criticizing the way they look down on me for not being content by staying in a tiny town for the rest of my life.

Another thing I found interesting last week... Someone asked me, "So are you done traveling?". ::sigh:: I'm not trying to be stubborn here, folks. But listen, I hope I never stop traveling. I hope I never stop exploring, trying new things, seeing new places. I'm sure when I'm 80 I may be thinking different things, but I'm saying that I don't want to be afraid to explore, or be bored by the idea. God made this beautiful earth and I think we don't do His creation justice by sitting on our couch in our little house in our little town for the rest of our lives. That's my personal opinion, and if you're currently doing that, then by all means have at it- you don't see me criticizing you... but please, PLEASE stop criticizing me for living my life!

Oh and ONE more thing, if you don't mind. Just for the record... I've had a few people insinuate that I enjoy being single and lonely. Are you kidding me? Seriously? If you knew me at all you would soon find out that I desire to have a family. I want a husband and a cute little suburban house and a dog and a wedding and a baby shower and babies. I want that life, but it doesn't mean I'm going to sit around and wait for that to happen while I just get older and older. Sure, some of my experiences have maybe made it hard for guys to want to pursue me because I've been out of the country or moving or something. That's the risk I've chosen to take.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.