Numb Silence Has Killed Me

Written 5 years ago in the peak of some heavy and tough times...


with a lamenting burden strapped across our backs,
so tight and wound likely tethered by our own eager hearts,
we judge life by how we react to new distractions and romanticized visions
that are born out of dissatisfaction of our current circumstance-
our minds, under the impression that happiness is on the other side,
look and long for relevance in ideas and people and expect full recompense-
but once we reach a new climbing comparison on our own mountain,
with breeding expectations, we blindly move onward for a new diversion-
but problems lie in that with these distractions we disqualify our own realities and miseries-
we lose sight of purpose, faith and suffering until we implode with every sense of despondency,
encompassing everything never dealt with, now clattering like an orchestra
with broken instruments assuming their own spotlight- some ring louder and longer,
some more severe and strong, but eventually theyre wound so tight,
like dead weight they sing and sink below, reaching to disappear-
until one day we see no hope, no reason, no satisfaction
in what weve become, no way to deal with the pain thats been so...................................recessed
that our clouded minds become cumbersome-
we gaze with blank stares and hollow thoughts
into the space between nothing and everything
and tighten our heavy load even more,
because were never taught not to obsessively
embrace all that brings this burden to finally
reach its full capacity and break
the undeniable spine of sanity-
where the orchestral conductor,
permits its untuned melody
for too long that the
numb silence has
killed me undoubtedly.