There's been something on my mind for quite some time, really since I've moved back home. I've been processing it for this long though. There's a lot I can't say publicly so I have to filter a lot here. I've grown up in a reformed Baptist church. Over the years I had acquired some 'beef' with it. I won't get into detail but we all feel like after my dad passed away, the church seemed to quickly withdraw itself from our lives...kind of leaving us oblivious kids and a grieving mother hanging.

Anyway, since I was about 17 or so I had been dealing with this and other issues about my church, including the environment of the place. It had become a place I was afraid of, in a way, and a place I wanted to be disconnected from for many reasons. Though I believe I was brought up in a solid theology, my spiritual growth was so incredibly stunted as well, leaving me in a spiritually immature and vulnerable state.

So with all that said... I'm in a place in life where I need to deal with these issues, face them, and get over it. When people ask me about my church here, they usually ask me about our worship service and when I tell them what we do, they usually are very shocked at the fact that we only use classical instruments and no drum sets or electric guitars.

My German friend still clearly remembers the time he came to visit and heard the "hellfire and brimstone" sermon that day. He remembers it to be a place of intense guilt, etc.

But for me, I feel like my attitude is starting to change about it. When people give me these reactions now, my only thought is: Yes, but they're preaching the truth! I have an incredible amount of respect for our pastor, Gary. Since I was a kid he has preached the truth, and has not faltered. He is strict in his teaching, yes, but it is the truth and he's not afraid to speak bluntly to his flock. Now, he's not God and I don't agree with every single word he's ever said--but that's what makes the preacher-to-flock relationship healthy.

When I am under his preaching, I don't feel warm fuzzies inside and feel spectacular about myself. Church shouldn't be about that. It should be about making you a better Christian, and it should mature you in your spirituality. The sermons are on an intellectual level of maybe a graduate college classroom, which for me when I was young was a hindrance of my growth I believe. But now that I am old enough to really understand and follow him, I am finding how good this really is. I find myself maturing in my faith, or at least leaving church feeling very challenged in my testimony.

So do I agree with every single thing being taught? No. Do I love the worship? Definitely not. Do I have issues with some of the members of the church? Absolutely. But are they teaching the raw un-sugarcoated truth? Yes. And that, to me, is more important than styles of worship, past 'beef', and personality conflicts. Maybe this is a lesson I'm supposed to be learning while I'm home.

Can anyone relate to, or disagree with this?