{Smörgåsbord}

Weeknights in Trnava

2011-10-31T10:31:00.000-04:00

Legs dangling through these metal bars
like a bird in a cage-
suspended from a hook in the sky ceiling
this place, my dwelling, Slovakia, Slovensko.

Sounds that bounce 7 stories up
a little too well-
like notes in an unsuspecting song.

Pigeons gather and flutter together
near the rusted metal door
on the high rise roof-

Children sliding down the brand new white slide-
up the stairs, down the slide, up and down-

Listen carefully and hear cabinets close
and dinner plates clatter
as neighborhood mothers prepare their evening meal.

In the distance a siren sounds and music bumps-
a car speeds and a babka strolls-

Looking downward through my cage
two floors down
a woman leans her body over the balcony-
her friend, three floors down
leans her back against her balcony
looking straight up-
evening neighbor conversations
high rise style.

Children with tie-on roller skates ride by below-
the last one directs his remote control car with low batteries
"Pockajte!" he yells in frustration, "Wait!"
as they roll ahead, impatient with dying batteries.

The sound I'll give anything to hear when I'm gone-
a faint, but loudly proclaimed
"AHOJ!" shouted from one child to another
with no restraint, "HELLO!" as it bounces through the high rise concrete.

10 Ways to Manipulate, Betray & Lose Friends

2011-10-01T13:15:00.001-04:00

Pursue friendship and gain their trust.
Encourage honesty to find out the real dirt.
Keep a running list of shortcomings and failures.
Out of nowhere, wrongly accuse them.
Blow said insignificant shortcomings out of proportion.
Consider all responses mean and defensive. Act hurt and make the person feel terrible.
Manipulate them to feel crazy for reacting at all. After all, your intentions are good.
Don't accept apologies and never, ever show grace.
Gossip to their friends and coworkers about them.
Aggressively pursue the detriment of their reputation.

I've lost count of how many times this has happened, and it just recently happened again. Instead of letting it have power over me and "make me" bitter and resentful, I'm trying to focus on one important thought: God's grace covers all of my shortcomings. He doesn't keep a running list, and He won't throw it in my face. He's forgiving and gracious. I'm so thankful God's not as F'ed up as we are.

Brian & Sarah Abrahamsen Wedding Preview

2011-08-04T13:37:00.001-04:00

These photos will eventually be available here, but in the meantime...

Understanding Folk

2011-06-27T15:44:00.000-04:00

Gillian Welch's album hits the shelves tomorrow and luckily, thanks to a friend on Facebook, I was able to get a sneak peek from NPR and listen to today...about 4 times...

Here it is, if you'd like some context.

Some people that have reviewed the album have criticized it because of it's "simplistic" or "minimalist" approach. They say that 8 years is far too long to wait for an album this simple.

I say that if you don't understand folk, bluegrass, or Gillian, it's natural that you'd think that. In my opinion, the fact that they took time to hone down their "heart music" and do it right speaks volumes about who they are as musicians. 8 years ago they were almost on the slippery slope of over-produced, and thankfully, they took 8 years to take a few steps back and get to the heart of folk.

Thanks, Gillian. See you in a month.

Engagement Portraits

2011-05-02T22:54:00.001-04:00

Here are a few shots from my engagement session yesterday. I'm kinda new to this, but...

Guilty Dog

2011-04-13T08:48:00.001-04:00

This video cracks me up. I adore dogs. Also, I can't even visit this site or I'll end up surfing through the videos for way too long.

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

It doesn't matter

2011-04-13T08:47:00.001-04:00

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and
Saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His response was a question:
"Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Pebbles in my Shoe

2011-04-11T14:36:00.002-04:00

There’s a new girl in my department named Ariel. In an impromptu birthday party in the 3rd floor breakroom today, I met Ariel over a piece of strawberry cake as someone introduced her to the crowd. Without hesitation, in the hustle and bustle, I quietly sang “Awwww, Awwww….” to myself. I then giggled to myself at how involuntary that reaction was to one single word. After the party I walked back to my desk singing the song, “Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?” Then I inwardly began to belt the song as loud as I could, imagining how I would dramatically emphasize the parts SHE did.

Then came the part, “I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty. I've got whozits and whatzits galore. You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty! But who cares? No big deal. I want more!” Yet again, I was reminded of something has been not only invading my thoughts today, but for months, for years. This idea that we’re made for so much more… that we, as created humans, have these talents and passions that seem to hide in us like a pebble in our shoes. We know it’s there, but we’re in too much of a hurry to finish the race, we don’t take a minute to examine it. This idea of not just pursuing what you’re passionate about, but STOPPING what you’re doing in order to pursue it, has been so clearly set in front of my eyes lately. The idea of doing what makes your heart sing, no matter what the cost…is tricky.

What is it that makes your heart sing? Is it worth giving up so much (a steady paycheck, for example) for that experience of knowing that you’re doing what you were made for? Is it worth losing so much so that you can have a job that doesn’t feel like a job? The kind of work that makes you forget to eat or sleep. What’s worth giving up for that? Nothing, or everything?

No conclusions today. Just strawberry cake, The Little Mermaid, and my thoughts- mere pebbles in my shoe.

Today as I worked, I listened to this and loved it.

The video above is the long version of an animated video I fell in love with recently.

If you’ve only got 20 minutes, here’s a little one that’s good.

What this blog will be for a while

2011-04-08T20:00:00.002-04:00

This blog used to be the place I went to verbally vomit all of my overflowing thoughts (hence the name). When Facebook became a bigger part of my daily venting, I started losing the need to vent on a blog. Then Slovakia happened and for a few years my main blog was that one. Now, I don't really have enough time to write my deepest thoughts on this thing. Eventually, it may be that again. Whatever.

Now, it'll be a simple vault of awesome things I find. I find amazing stuff online just about every day. I bookmark them away and maybe post something on Facebook. Photos, YouTube videos, art stuff, funny stuff. Whatever. That's what you can expect from this for a while.

But the point is- no expectations.

Video Recipe #1 - Ginger Asian Sauce over Fresh Lemon Tilapia & Bok Choy

2010-09-26T09:01:00.000-04:00

Side Street Photos

2010-05-30T23:16:00.001-04:00

Here's a slideshow from my new site...

The Swell Season from last night...

2010-05-22T23:53:00.002-04:00

The "Smittee"

2010-02-23T11:41:00.002-05:00

Lately I've been fascinated by this idea of being "smitten" with someone. I think it's generally understood that this word relates to being smitten by someone from the opposite sex. More often than not, I think that's true. But I also think it's amazing how sometimes that can happen with meeting new people...I think it can simply mean a general attraction.

For example, let's say I'm at a party with 50 strangers. There is something natural inside of all of us that want to gravitate towards someone or a group of people because you're in a social environment and don't want to be the creep in the corner. What is it that helps us decide who we should talk to? What is it inside of us that provokes that spark you have with someone- no matter what sex they're from.

For example, what is it inside of me that decides that out of all my female acquaintances, I know that this person or that person will probably be friends with me for a very long time? While most of the other ones I will probably not know for a few more years? Or how I would literally do anything for a few close friends and would rather not do much of anything for other friends? What IS it about having those relationships that makes us a little crazy? That makes us want to drive across the friggin country or fly across the friggin world to spend some time with them. Not "crazy" as in a little psycho/obsessed, I mean.... that real, genuine love for friends that would make you do just about anything for them. I'm so fascinated by this! And ya know what even blows my mind away even more? That Christ is smitten with us, and He has that real love for us--He's crazy about us! I wonder if God gave us love like that so we could understand how much He loves us?

I've lately thought about this in reference to men/mates too. I've met a lot of nice fellows in Charlotte so far, and I have to be really careful to be honest. I tend to be smitten a little too easily. Problem is, I'm usually the one to be smitten and the "smittee" forgets about me the next day. I say that not for a pity party--it's the truth! So I've made a decision. I refuse to become smitten with a boy until he is smitten with me. Or at least, until he's made a pretty darn good effort to communicate that he's really into me.

I believe if I don't start guarding my heart I'll start to become really bitter towards guys and that's the last thing I want to happen. I like guys.

I guess I've been thinking lately how nice it would be for one day some man to be smitten with me...and how that would feel if I were equally smitten by him! I look forward to the day, and I hope my standards are not too high...just seems like that should be a minimum for a relationship ever working, ya know? I better love him if I'm gonna wash his underwear, and he better love me if he has to listen to my loud music. hehe ok I'm done now. Had to get that off my chest.

Deb Talan

2010-02-13T15:50:00.001-05:00

I have never listened to another artist that consistently takes my little heart and squeezes it every time I listen to their music. Deb Talan, I applaud you.

Ideas and the Future

2010-02-08T15:58:00.002-05:00

I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I have good ideas sometimes. I can say that because I've had a decent amount of random ideas over the past few years and they keep ending up being invented by somebody! So I'm going on record for stuff I think will be invented soon or claiming ideas already invented. Why? Because I'm bored and unemployed and I need to have an ounce of confidence in myself that's been taken away by no job... that's why :)

I thought of a business that allows people to call or text to ask any question in the world. People would pay monthly or per question. It could be run by one person to begin with then grown when business gets better. They invented KGB.com which is exactly my idea! I took the test for working there and passed, now I'm just waiting on their training to start.

Last year I thought that cars should give you the option of the car automatically turning it's music volume down when it slows down/comes to a stop. Well, I was in my new car the other day and realized it does that automatically. Cool!

I thought of celebrity voices on GPS units instead of that mechanical sounding woman. A few months ago I found out they made one with Snoop Dog's voice on it. I think they'll keep going with this. Soon, I'll have Brad Pitt telling me what to do....

I knew they'd have the Starbucks road signs on the highways! It's about time, but they need to develop it more and have all coffee shops included in the Food signs on the interstates. They also copied my double shot over ice drink and included it in a monthly special!

We'll also have iPod/iPhone holders for our steering wheels, dashboards and/or the back of seats. Yes, this is sad, but darnit, when I'm on a plane or driving a bajilion hours in a car on a straight highway, I kinda wanna watch a movie on my iPod. My hand gets tired from holding it and I can't tape it to my steering wheel. Just watch, it'll be here soon...

About 3 or 4 years ago I looked all over the stinking place for a "mini computer". Basically a tiny type pad that I could take with me wherever I go (ie- travel journals) but not paying an arm and a leg. I seriously did a lot of research looking for this kind of thing. Now, you can buy a tiny laptop computer with basic computer/typing functions for a few hundred bucks. I think in the next 5 years they'll have them even smaller and its' only function will be typing and maybe email....oh, and like under $40 or $50.

They should be programing phones so that when we plug it in to charge, we can choose something like "Charge Mode" so it automatically stops charging once it's totally charged. This would allow cell phones, computers, anything chargeable to not be damaged by being plugged up for way too long. Or maybe an "Overnight Charge Mode" so it charges slowly for 7-9 hours.

I think in the next 5-10 years we will have tiny tracking devices that look like a sticker. We can put these stickers on just about anything- our cars, computers, phones, passports, credit cards, wallets, etc. You will have the option of programing them to your computer so if you lose one of these things you can go to your computer and look up where your item is. By that time, it can connect to Google maps so you can track it in case you've lost it or had it stolen. OR you can buy the advanced stickers which have a tiny device that sounds an alarm when you need it to... like when you're in your house going crazy looking for your wallet when it's actually stuck under a couch cushion in your living room. The whole kit shouldn't cost more than $100 eventually, but it'll be pretty expensive at the beginning.

We will also have keychain breathalyzers. Yeah, no more leaving a party in the car while second guessing yourself whether you're over the alcohol limit. These keychains, which shouldn't cost more than $20, will help you and your friends stay safe while having fun on the town.... and will let you prove to your friend that they're drunk while they're saying, "No really man, I've only had 10 beers, I'm totally fine".

I think National Polls will start to become a CRAZE in the United States. They will be the most popular thing ever and we'll be talking about them every day. Soon, people will be like, "Dude, did you hear the poll from last week about cell phones?!" or whatever. Every week we'll have 1-5 questions asked about our personal lives so that we know more about trends in the States. They'll ask us simple questions like- Do you like living in a city? Or how often do you drink coffee? Whatever. They could be funny, personal, or totally random. I'm not sure if they could figure out an incentive program for people who did the poll- like a coupon or something, but that'd be cool. The results for these polls would be all over the news and main TV shows too. I see this happening!

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. There's a good chance none of these things will ever happen but I feel better now that I've said my opinion. :)

When Did This Happen?

2010-02-06T13:48:00.002-05:00

When I was younger, people always thought I was a lot older than I really was. I always got the, "You're only 16?!" kind of comments. Sometime around the age of 23 or so that stopped, and people thought I was younger than I was. I got the, "Oh wow, I thought you were like 19" comments. So I've been convinced that I've been a 19 year old for about 6 or 7 years.

Even a few years ago I still felt like a teenager- I felt/feel immature in certain scenarios-- especially socially. Deep down, under the composed facade, I'm a big pervert. (ha!) No, but I thought of the idea of me being married with kids, for example, a few years ago. That idea was insane to me, because I felt like just a kid. A kid having a kid- weird.

But something has happened over the past year or so. Somehow I feel like an adult all of the sudden. Not like an old crazy cat lady hag or anything, just like an adult. Something happened in the past year or so that has helped me fall into this roll of a "responsible" adult. The ideas of having a husband and making a home and taking care of kids doesn't feel all that foreign to me anymore. It's a pretty strange feeling, honestly. Not to say there was ever a point where I didn't want a boyfriend or husband, ya know. I'm not saying I finally want one.... but rather, I'm finally ready for all that jazz.

Hmm... weird.

Now that I'm a real adult, do I need to start investing in retirement and 401k's?!

Maybe I'll skip that part for a few years. :)

An Overseas God

2010-01-25T18:50:00.002-05:00

So maybe this is a totally normal thing to go through once returning to your home country after being in missions.... but I feel a drastic difference between my relationship with God while living in the States. It makes sense, really. In Slovakia I was surrounded by a close Christian community and we discussed our faith very often. I was also alienated from most people in Trnava because we didn't speak the same language, which made my internal dialogue with God a lot more active. There was a certain amount of dependence on God there. Just walking around knowing that I needed to rely on God to finally provide the support I needed to live was also a factor.

I wonder if it's quite a few different factors happening at the same time. I'm not around a strict Christian community, I'm immediately culturally accepted back into my culture because, well, I'm an American. It's no surprise that most Americans feel like they're taking care of themselves. We go to work, make OUR money and provide for US. That's how I feel-- I need to take care of MYself till I get on MY feet.

::sigh::

So lately I've had thoughts going through my head about whether the God of my life in America is the same God in my life in Slovakia. It's been a challenge.

I'm praying for God to draw close to me and show me His goodness.

Churches in Charlotte

2010-01-19T16:15:00.005-05:00

One fascinating and sometimes frustrating aspect of moving to a new city is finding a new church. Two weeks ago I went to a a church called Christ Central Church. I had heard about from someone, and stuck out to me because it actually takes place in a community theatre in a very unique, artsy part of town. Here is their surprisingly unimpressive website: http://www.christcentralchurch.com/

One of my favorite characteristics of this church is that it actually used to be a XXX theatre and the upstairs used to be a brothel. In fact, the church offices are currently in the previous brothel, and the numbers are still bolted to the door that indicated which room the prostitute was in. The pastor mentioned that it's a constant reminder of our fallen nature. I love that.

So I found a seat and we started worship. There was an older guitarist, a drummer and bassist. I'm usually not a huge fan of that many instruments in worship like this, but they played it very tastefully and it was actually pretty nice. There were 5 singers- 3 white girls, a girl that looked just like Alicia Keys, and a black male singer that looked a lot like LL Cool J. He had a GREAT gospel voice.

The pastor, who is a young black man that looks like Theo from the Bill Cosby Show with dreadlocks came out to preach. In general I really liked him, but I kinda thought he made too many references to rap music and I kinda questioned his sincerity during prayer--though, honestly, I don't really know him well enough to make that assumption.

They gave us a choice between wine and juice for communion, which I thought was very thoughtful. It's also a PCA reformed church which is awesome.

This past Sunday I went to Renovatus church. I had heard really good things about it so I thought I'd check it out. They're actually located inside a mall on a dodgey part of town, but I didn't have a problem with that. http://www.renovatuscommunity.com

The church is affiliated with Church of God which has some doctrines I don't think I agree with. It was borderline Charasmastic/Pentecostal and at times I was a bit uncomfortable. The preacher also sounded like he had about a dozen energy drinks before he went on stage too. It was really tough for me to pay attention because of that.

What I liked about the church were things that don't matter though- I loved the logo, the lead singer of the band, the all around laid back atmosphere. I also liked their ideas on reaching out to the homeless community.

Whether or not I'd want to go back to this church is in question, but I didn't get a strong feeling that I should. Who knows, we'll see.

My Favorite Shots from Last Year

2010-01-14T21:10:00.000-05:00

Favorite Shots from Europe

The Risk I'VE Chosen to Take

2010-01-11T15:42:00.002-05:00

So a little over a week ago I wrote something on my computer. I haven't posted it because it could potentially offend some people. But then I thought, geez, this is my blog and people don't have to read it if they don't want to! I definitely wrote this under some influence of being kinda pissed off and I may have reworded things a little sweeter if I were to re-write it....but whatever.

I am accountable to my Father in Heaven, not you. So back off.

This is what I've been thinking a lot lately. Now people, I understand this idea of holding each other accountable. I'm not talking about sin... ok? So relax. I need you to hold me accountable with sin, that's why we're here for each other. I'm talking about getting on one another's backs for unimportant crap. The stuff that doesn't harm myself--the stuff that doesn't offend God or others. I'm talking about MY personal decisions about MY life that don't really affect you.

If you can't understand why I moved to Florida 5 years ago, I'm sorry but I can't help you. If you can't understand why I raised support to go to Slovakia, I'm sorry but I've explained myself as much as I can. If you can't understand why I'm moving to Charlotte, I'm sorry but it's my decision and it shouldn't offend you. I have found that the people questioning me to no end are the same people who never ask me personal questions... the people who don't really care about how I'm doing... the people who never call, never e-mail, never contact me. You are the people who don't know what's going on because you don't bother to ask before you judge me. Once you realize my reasoning, you'll find that many of my decisions actually make a little bit of sense. Sure, I make mistakes like we all do. I'm not yelling at you people who don't contact me a lot- please understand. I'm saying that these are strangely enough the people who judge me so much more than people I DO talk to. In fact, if you're reading this then there's a VERY good chance you're not one of these people since those particular people don't care about reading my stupid blog.

The people I'm referring to assume that the decisions I make are random. They think I stand back, close my eyes, shake the 8 ball and do whatever it tells me to. Or they think I'm just running from something therefore I need to keep moving so I don't deal with my own problems. I'm not making this up- people have said this before. Again, these are the people who don't really know me.

"Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die." -Jonathan Edwards. For the record, I have personally tried to live my life according to how I will feel on my deathbed. Did I love people the best I could have? Did I seize opportunities and adventures? Did I explore and was I curious enough? Did I do all I could to glorify God? If the answers to those questions aren't great now, I doubt they'll be any better when I die.

So for me, personally, that means taking opportunities when I have them, because now is the time for me to do it while not having a family and house and all that. In 2004 it meant seizing an opportunity with a friend to travel around the U.S. in a van for a month. Last year it meant jumping on a bus to take me from Slovakia to Croatia by myself so I could spend some much needed time with my sister. It means moving to Charlotte with no job and living with people I've never really met because if I don't take this opportunity now I may never have it again and I want to be in Charlotte for years... you hear that world? Years! Yes, this means that I'm attempting to make decisions for the long run. This has always been the plan if you've ever taken the time to ask. I'm not saying you need to agree with every move I make. But I am asking you to please consider your criticism of me before you give it. And also ask yourself if I'm criticizing YOU...

Now while I'm on the subject, let me just say that I did not go to Slovakia because I felt like I needed to necessarily "Seize the day", ok? This was not selfish ambition. This was not my need to travel. I sacrificed a lot including a great job, my car, living at home for almost a year, possibly damaging some friendships, having to start completely over again. This was not a vacation. Yes, the Lord blessed me like crazy over there and I had the time of my life at certain times-- but I went because I knew the Lord was calling me there. That's all I need to say about that.

I made a comment on Facebook a few weeks ago and a few people's responses have been bothering me since then. Maybe that's what has sparked me saying all this stuff to you right now. I said, "I think that some people look at those who travel around often and think 'What are they running from?' but I look at the people asking the question and wonder 'What are they hiding from'?. This was not a random statement. In fact, it was in response to a few people I know who have criticized me for my travels and simply want me to move back home. They get the sense that I'm running from something and it's simply not the case. I get the sense that they're hiding from something because these people I'm referring to have never been, nor ever want to leave the country or southeast part of the United States. I'm not criticizing them for not traveling, mind you. I'm criticizing the way they look down on me for not being content by staying in a tiny town for the rest of my life.

Another thing I found interesting last week... Someone asked me, "So are you done traveling?". ::sigh:: I'm not trying to be stubborn here, folks. But listen, I hope I never stop traveling. I hope I never stop exploring, trying new things, seeing new places. I'm sure when I'm 80 I may be thinking different things, but I'm saying that I don't want to be afraid to explore, or be bored by the idea. God made this beautiful earth and I think we don't do His creation justice by sitting on our couch in our little house in our little town for the rest of our lives. That's my personal opinion, and if you're currently doing that, then by all means have at it- you don't see me criticizing you... but please, PLEASE stop criticizing me for living my life!

Oh and ONE more thing, if you don't mind. Just for the record... I've had a few people insinuate that I enjoy being single and lonely. Are you kidding me? Seriously? If you knew me at all you would soon find out that I desire to have a family. I want a husband and a cute little suburban house and a dog and a wedding and a baby shower and babies. I want that life, but it doesn't mean I'm going to sit around and wait for that to happen while I just get older and older. Sure, some of my experiences have maybe made it hard for guys to want to pursue me because I've been out of the country or moving or something. That's the risk I've chosen to take.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, as Aretha Sang

2010-01-05T22:10:00.003-05:00

What attracts you to friends? Not boyfriends or girlfriends, I mean good ol' fashioned friends. What is it about them that makes you like them? What makes you click? What keeps you from saying Screw You and walking away to never talk to them again?

I believe I have a pretty simple answer to that question. Now sure, there are many factors that help you make that decision. They may dress like you, or listen to the same kind of music or maybe you just work with them or attend the same school. There are factors that you're not even aware of. For example, if I'm a 26 year old single American female, I will probably tend to be friends with someone of a similar status. I would not naturally be good friends with a 50 year old Chinese man or a 10 year old.

But it's more than just demographics that go into friendships. I think for me the greatest factor in friendships is respect. Think about it, are you good friends with people you don't respect? I doubt it. If you are friends with someone you really don't respect, there's something wrong with that relationship. I am not friends with certain people because I don't respect them. I don't like the decisions they've made or how they spend their lives. You are who you hang around with, so if you hang around losers all day, will that not greatly affect your character? I think so.

I came to that conclusion after a long 12 hour drive a few days ago. I was listening to a friend of mine playing the piano that was recorded on a CD. I found myself thinking, Geez I totally don't deserve a friend that talented! I have felt that same feeling towards friends who have other gifts and talents, like being totally fluent in 2 or more languages. I've felt that about friends who are happier than I am, friends who are well rounded and normal, or friends that choose purity over lack of self control.

And I don't believe I love them only because of their talents but I respect those who have great qualities. Part of having a skill is determination, discipline, and intelligence! I respect that, and because I respect them, I look up to them. I believe a healthy relationship or friendship kinda requires both of you to think, "Gosh, I kinda don't deserve his/her friendship". At least, I think the closest friendships should have that element. Speaking of which, I also think you NEED to think that way about your potential spouse. If I can't "look up" to my boyfriend, if I can't respect him, then forget marriage! I'll be living in resentment towards him and vice versa.

Anyway that's all I wanted to say about that.

A Fine Line

2010-01-03T09:22:00.003-05:00

"There's a fine line between a man and an ass."
-Jayson Rawlins

Debunking the Expensive Whole Foods Myth

2010-01-02T21:36:00.003-05:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking, hearing, and reading lately about eating better. I'm pretty happy that I love vegetables, by the way! That sounds random, but I'm serious. I'm related to some people (AHEM, my sister, AHEM) who hates veggies and fruits. I've decided to start eating healthier on a regular basis. Stress on the part: REGULAR BASIS. I'm all about healthy weird food, trust me. But I'm also all about Taco Hell and fatty foods. I've been made aware lately of quite a few people who have lost a crap load of weight by eating better and working out. I hope to jump on that wagon. Maybe it'll help by saying it publicly like this--even though maybe 2 people read this thing! Ha. OH maybe, maybe, I can have some kind of accountability on this thing, like tell you how much I'm losing. Hmm. Maybe.

Speaking of eating better, a lot of people say that eating healthier is too expensive. Well, I hear you, I was one of those people. However, my goal is to debunk this myth this year. I want to discover and explain how eating healthy can be very cost efficient. In fact, maybe I'd like to work on figuring out how to eat healthier on X number of dollars per week per person. So if you ever have any ideas about this or recipes, pass em' along! By the way, if you would like some very entertaining, effective, eye-opening, and totally offensive reading material, (and I do mean offensive), check out the books Skinny Bitch or Skinny Bastard (if you're a guy).

Charlotte, baby!

2009-12-29T22:27:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I've been itching to write for a long time. I get in this very strange laziness that comes over me when I go live with my family--I don't know why--but I haven't written in a while. I wanted to catch you up (whoever you are, if you even care) on what I'm planning next week.

Lord willing I'll be moving to Charlotte, NC, a fairly large city about 2 hours southwest of my hometown. I've been considering moving to Charlotte for years actually, but the timing was never right. I considered it before moving to Florida and again before I decided to go to Slovakia. In other words, it's been in conversations with my parents for years as I thought out loud, "What about Charlotte?" I hope that answers your questions about whether this was a random or haphazard decision.

Speaking of assumptions... no wait, I'll get into that in another post. This is purely informational.

So about 3 weeks ago or so, I went down to Charlotte with no plan. I went to let the wind take me wherever I end up. God has a really great way of guiding that wind sometimes, wouldn't you say? The only plans I had was to attend this Christmas party. In fact, the party was hosted by an association I'm a part of called AIGA, which is a professional association for design (big bucks to be a member). I had hoped to maybe make a few professional connections and maybe, just maybe, find that one person I needed to give me a job.

Well I didn't necessarily find that job yet, but I did meet a girl named Amy. I told them I was very interested in moving to Charlotte, but really need to find a job first. I soon find out that Amy has an extra bedroom in her house nearby and they desperately needed another roommate. So I say "Ok, I'll think about it and get back to you." (By the way, I did get 2nd place in the Christmas party for wearing the ugliest Christmas sweater! I'm very proud.)

The next morning I left to do some missionary internship debriefing in Atlanta for a few days. But on the way back I texted Amy and said something like, "I know this is crazy, but can I stop by Charlotte and check out your house?" So I did! In those conversations, we slowly start to realize that we're both Christians, and the other roommates in the house are Christians too! I thought I may have suspected something ;)

The house looks like a pretty good match. It's about 10 minutes southwest of downtown and 10 minutes from my cousin which is great. Another feature I love is that the house is located about 5 or 10 minutes (walking time) from a tram/train station which takes you directly downtown. The cost is about $1.50 each way. I'm excited about the idea of a train again and walking more than usual, as it really reminds of me Europe.

Oh, and did I mention that there's supposed to be a squash court downtown too? I'm even more excited about that. Squash has been the only sport other than softball that I've enjoyed and stuck with fairly consistently. We stopped playing after last spring but if I have a partner or group that plays, I'm so there! Anyway I totally suck at playing but it's super fun. I'll be kinda pissed if I find out that the courts aren't there anymore or are super expensive.

I'll be living with 4, yes F-O-U-R girls. 5 chicks in one house. To be completely honest, I'm not really stoked about this as I would prefer to have a bit more privacy. However, my room is kinda separated from the rest and I have my own bathroom. Another nice thing is that rent is month-to-month and it's VERY reasonably priced. Maybe it'll be good for me to live with so many hormones flying around!

I'm a bit scared at moving there with no job. That may appear as a totally bogus thing to do and I'd probably be the first one to criticize someone for moving some place unemployed. However, I've been looking for jobs for months online and there comes a point where you've gotta just GO to the place you want to work. I hope to spend this time looking for a "real job" at a design, advertising or marketing firm. I'm realizing more and more that it's not a good time of year to get a job, it's not a good economy to get a job, and entering this industry at my skill level (not that good), it's next to impossible to just waltz right into a nice position.

So I'd appreciate your prayers as I look for a crap job while searching for a real job. I didn't think I'd have to backtrack so much after leaving Florida. I really felt like I was getting on my feet- a real job, a decent place to live, etc. I don't feel that way any more. I feel too old to be looking for coffee shop jobs and all that. It's frustrating. But I've gotta remind myself that this frustration is simply built out of society's expectations of the kind of person I should be at this age. Anyway, this was a longer post than expected.

Senior Portraits

2009-12-26T19:13:00.001-05:00

So this week I took some senior portraits of a guy from my church. I am NOT a portrait photographer, ok? I don't enjoy it and I'm uncomfortable doing it. However, I was asked to do this and I didn't charge them a particular amount--so my expectations were quite low and I needed the experience. I see now some big things I did wrong, but I guess I'll remember that for next time, eh? Here are some shots...

Josh & Lori's Wedding Shots

2009-12-15T14:31:00.006-05:00

Just a few shots from the wedding I shot last weekend. I happen to add quite a few of the flower girls but she was quite cute!

The Ugliest Christmas Sweater

2009-12-08T10:52:00.003-05:00

Who knew what kinds of things I'd need to do so I can get a decent design job. It's all worth it if/when I get that job, in my mind though. One of the most recent ridiculous things I'm doing to make connections in the design world is attending this: http://www.aigacharlotte.org/events/detail/770#register_form

It's a multifaceted event hosted by an arts organization I'm a member of called AIGA. It includes a Toys for Tots toy drive, a general socializing Christmas event, and best of all, an Ugly Christmas Sweater party. And yes, there are prizes for the owner of the ugliest sweater.

So yesterday after an interview I packed a bag for a few days and headed down to Charlotte. I'm going to Atlanta for business for a few days after this, and Charlotte is conveniently located on the way. Yay for me. Last night I found a Goodwill in Charlotte to find this ugly sweater of mine. Let me tell ya, this was the nastiest, skankiest Goodwill I've ever seen. Clothes were not on hangers, rather, they were all piled on giant tables in a huge room with no order whatsoever.

Needless to say I felt a bit uncomfortable taking my iPhone out to take a picture, but I did and here's what it looked like.

My favorite part was listening to these two homeless people have this ridiculously loud conversation while picking through the piles. I even recorded it, I was so impressed. I did decide to call it quits once I started feeling damp clothes and started itching all over the place.

I must say though, I found a perfect Christmas sweater for the party. The reason I didn't give up on my quest for this sweater is simple... I want to meet people tonight. I want to meet designers and make connections. I want this sweater of ugly Christmas goodness to catch attention, and maybe, just maybe, win the prize of ugliness. I'm hopeful. Here it is, enjoy.

My Job

2009-11-24T12:03:00.007-05:00

Ok, soooo I think I just got a job! I say "I think" because it's kind of a weird situation. Basically there's a graphic design company based out of Raleigh, an hour from here. I replied to an ad on Craig's List, and in fact I was one of the first to reply out of over 500 DESIGNERS! Amazingly enough, something about my e-mail caught his attention and we had a 2 hour phone interview/conversation this morning.

The thing is, it's a contracting job so I can actually work from my home or wherever I want. Most people would think this is great, but I was actually hoping for an actual office to show up to and to work with a team. I wanted to learn from a team and be taught, not just work on my own. I also wanted a reason to move to a particular area or city- right now I have no direction on where to go and that's weird for me.

However, this place seems like a really good idea because I'd be working as many hours as I can handle and the pay is grrrrrreat. They said they'll start me off on about 10 hours a week and hopefully move up from there.

So I'll have to get another part time which kinda sucks because I will also be working with a business partner on another web/graphic design business. I'm the kind of person who likes a steady paycheck while showing up to an actual office. I also like health insurance and benefits which I won't be getting. So this is a little outside my comfort zone.

Anyway, I think this will be a good move and I will probably be signing the papers to join the company today! Praise God! Dakujem Jezis! Here's our site:

http://iadvertizing.com/

What I thought I'd miss, I actually did.

2009-11-11T09:10:00.003-05:00

Wow, what a nice morning. This morning I woke up early at 7:30 (yeah, that's early for me!). I couldn't get back to sleep, and decided I would go get some coffee in Hillsborough in my favorite coffee shop in the world, Cup a' Joe's. I called ahead of time to make sure they were still in business because many coffee shops in this area don't last longer than a few months...understandably so.

I threw some clothes on in the dark, grabbed my computer and iPhone in my backpack, and went on my way. A friend let me borrow her 89' Ford Escort to drive around till I find a car of my own. I'll be calling it "Old Blue" for a while, because it's light blue...and well, old. But it's lovely and I'm so so thankful for it...you have no idea.

So I hopped in Old Blue and went on my way. It's pouring down rain, and should keep raining all week. I stopped in WalMart to get an audio cable so I can hook up my iPod to the stereo in my car. I thought $14 was a ridiculous cost for a simple audio cord, but it's worth the cost of listening to my music in my car.

I hook up my iPod and turn to the Weepies. If you don't know this about me already, you should know that singing along to music while driving a car is one of my favorite things in the world. I missed it so much! It was a little weird getting used to as I haven't done it in over a year (and haven't even driven a car in a year!), but it came naturally and I was singing obnoxiously in no time.

I drive through Hillsborough and I'm so happy to be here. I love this little town. It only consists of about 3 stoplights and a few main city blocks, but it's so quaint and lovely. Mostly liberal neo-hippies live in these parts, but I still love it.

I drive up to my favorite coffee shop and wait in line. I order 4 shots of espresso over extra ice with 2 splendas. The barista remembers that I had come here a ton last year before I left for Slovakia. She asked how my trip went and I shake my head with widened eyes and say, "Awwwwesome", not knowing how much more detail she cares to hear.

I order a pumpkin muffin and sit down with my Mac, muffin, and an incredible cup of iced espresso. I'm serious. This espresso is unbelievably good. It's just perfect. It's smooth, never bitter, a little caramel undertones. The cream is from a farm a few miles away and it's so thick and fresh. Ahhhh, this is the life!

I overhear a conversation of about 5 older people who have met this morning for coffee. They're not your average old people though- they're all drinking strong coffee, they have 1-6 pieces of jewelry on each arm or neck, and they're talking about the differences between deer, elk and moose. A girl sits across from me, intensely looking at her laptop which has an Obama sticker on the front. The cute young man beside me tells his friend about him stopping to pick up a guy who was walking down the road in the rain, his cheap yellow poncho being torn by the wind. He says it with a smile and is proud of his North Face jacket and sturdy leather boots. These are all people who I saw every single time I came here last year when I spent full days drinking coffee and raising support for missions. It's like I never left.

It's still raining outside, and as I sit by the window and glance out, I can still see the red and yellow leaves barely hanging on to the trees outside. The American flag waves in the windy rain above the old Dual Supply Co. store sign.

Gosh, I just love this.

My Journey Back (and I'm not even back yet)

2009-11-11T09:09:00.000-05:00

I'm writing this message from a small metal box with a telephone and a bench in it. I've been laying or sitting on the floor for the past 11 hours or so. Part of me wishes a babka would come over and scold me for freezing my ovaries on the cold cement (ohhh Slovakia, how I'll miss you!). The reason I'm stuck at the JFK airport is because I missed my flight to Billings, Montana. Well, wait, let me back up.

I left Monday morning around 7 am from my house and got into Vienna around 8:30. I had a feeling one of my bags was too heavy, even though I checked it a few times with a hand-held scale. Yeah, picking up a 50+ pound bag with a small metal ring while trying to read the weight doesn't work so well, I've learned. I have a lot of luggage. I hate traveling with this much stuff, but I figure that it's worth the pain for so much stuff I've attained over the past year. We get to the counter and of course my duffel is overweight. So I pull over and start yanking out clothes I didn't want that much in the first place and gave them to Kris. Eventually I move things around in my bags so everything works. I even give my guitar to a "special luggage" section and they didn't charge me a penny for taking it.

My first ride to Dusseldorf was fine, but soon after getting on the 9 hour plane ride I realize I'm behind a fussy toddler with unresponsive parents. Great! In the meantime, I'm quite sick with a cold. This puts a damper on sitting, sleeping, and breathing. All in all it was a good flight- great landing, an empty seat on each side of me and 3 entertaining movies. The problem was, once we landed and I saw what time it was, I started to get a little anxious about my upcoming layover in NYC. I knew I didn't have much time as it was, but the plane took another 20 minutes just to drive to the stupid terminal. Finally I get my luggage and plow through people to get in the front of the customs line. Customs is great, but I'm also starting to see how friendly service people are being to customers. I SHOULD like this, but considering the circumstances I absolutely didn't care about their friendly conversation because I needed to get through!

Ok, so I'm one of the first ones through and I get a baggage cart. 5 minutes go by...10 minutes go by...finally after about 20 minutes my luggage comes. Except, when I pick up my guitar case to stand it up on its' own, it almost falls on the ground. Looking at it further I realize that my guitar case is totally destroyed and it was opened up during the flight. Huge cracks are all over it and I feared that I was about to lose it and break down crying if I had opened the case to see my guitar smashed to smithereens. Thankfully, I think, my guitar is fine. Whatever, so I'm running pretty late by this point and I start running.

And running is what I did for the next half hour, as fast as I could, with a full cart of luggage. I go to an information counter and ask where Northwest is. They, of course don't know, consult an old flight book and tell me I should be concerned because it's not listed in their book. Well because I'm a retard and didn't print out e-tickets, I had to consult my computer to triple check that it was from the right airport, at the right time, at the right airline. However, my computer which had no battery was deep in a backpack...which was in another backpack...which was buried under all my luggage. I find a plug. Plug it in and check it, and yes I was right. I ask the same people (as I'm running past them), "WHERE'S NORTHWEST?!" and they slowly take out a map and say, "I THINK it's this terminal here" and show me in the direction of the tram which should take me to the right terminal. I have never seen an elevator or tram go slower in my entire life. What in the world?!

I get to the counter finally, and they tell me I've missed my plane by a long shot. I had two choices- either become furious at the circumstances or just accept it and not blame anybody. They inform me that there are no more flights tonight out to Billings, so I have to wait till 8 am the next morning for a flight. They say I should go downstairs and find the guy at the counter to help me with finding a hotel. I go to the counter and ask what an average hotel cost is around here. He says $200 minimum, and I say Thank you very much then, goodnight!

So... here I am, camping out in an airport. This is the first flight I've ever missed. For those of you ever have to do what I did (take your baggage out, go through customs, and re-check yourself back into the airline), allow yourself at least 2-3 hours! 1.5 isn't even close to enough. I think I gave myself an ulcer.

And, well, of course I'm too paranoid to go to sleep because there are lots of creeps walking around in the middle of the night in this terminal and everything important that I own is here on this cart. So I'm keeping busy by writing, watching Top Chef and Law & Order, and listening to music. I must say, my butt is tired of sitting on cold surfaces.

So a few random things I've noticed about culture shock and cultural differences (since I want to share these things so I don't feel like a freak). First, I've been way too tired and out of it to care about being in this country and being able to speak English. Until I had my most recent coffee and cinnamon bun (HOW I MISS THOSE!), I was so tired I just wanted to cry. But now that I'm waking up I can think more clearly. I am so thankful to speak English. Even though the mean big ladies at the coffee stand were totally mean the 3 times I've been since I got here last night, I was still thankful that they at least understood me. I was even thankful to be able to say, "Whaaaaat? $8.30 for a tuna sandwich I can make at home for like 50 cents?!". How I miss being heard! hah.

I was able to buy straight up coffee. Not an espresso drink, just coffee (for the record, I ordered a latte but the Mexican lady didn't know how to make it so she said "they were out").

Quarters are very thin compared to the Euro.

Many Americans feel the need to be loud and personable in quiet places when it's kinda not appropriate.

I love American electricity plugs. I don't have to use converters any more, and for some reason that makes me happy. Also, I love how many places in this country have plugs in public places for folks to use.

American customer service isn't necessarily better than Slovak in some ways. These two chicks that took my coffee orders were really mean.

That's it for now. I haven't even been outside of this building so it's hard to talk about the shock yet. Just some thoughts I'd share with those interested.

Thanks for all of your support and prayers through all this. Thanks for understanding how mentally difficult this is for me.

Now I'm off to find Air Berlin and harass them about ruining my case and gonna check in for my flight to Billings. :)

Outta da' Hood (Metaphorically Speaking)

2009-09-21T14:44:00.002-04:00

Tonight on the walk home I listened to a bit of Tupac, which I usually save for my car speakers which have incredible bass. The problem with all that bass is that you tend to miss lyrics as your ear drums ring. My favorite song by him is called Changes, by the way. One part of the song, where he's complaining about society, he says "We have yet to see a black president" and let me just say (and I'm just being honest) that I smiled when I heard that. Not because I'm proud of Mr. Obama for suckering his way into the presidency, but now people aren't allowed to complain about it.

Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about politics. Nor did I come here to discuss rap necessarily, but while looking up these lyrics below I noticed just how many words good rappers say in one song. It's really incredible- like rap or not, it takes talent to squeeze all that in a song! Ok, back to my point...

On another song called I Ain't Mad At Ya he says this, "I guess change is good for any of us. Whatever it take for any of y'all niggaz to get up out the hood. Shit, I'm wit cha, I ain't mad at cha." And it got me thinking about some things. I have so many friends and family who are in a metaphorical ghetto. They're in a place where they think they can never escape, that some THING is keeping them down, they have good excuses why they're unemployed or unfocused. They're afraid of taking those steps to get out of the ghetto and stay where they are because it's comfortable. For any of those living in the States or are familiar with real ghettos, this is more often than not the case in reality.

I've talked to some people lately now about their jobs. I relayed to them something that my step dad said to my a while ago when I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. It offended me at first, but I believe it's true. He said, "Just PICK SOMETHING. It doesn't matter what it is, choose anything, get training, get good at it, and then you'll learn to like it." I don't care if people want to be an astronaut or a friggin' circus clown, just pick something and take practical steps to get there. Draw a timeline from where you are now, to where you want to be, map out the steps to get there, and do it! It doesn't matter if you're currently passionate about it or even good at it, those things come with years of experience. I personally have found that the more complicated the profession, the better, because you'll never get bored- you're always learning.

I'm not trying to be your mom or a motivational speaker here, but there comes a point in your life where you've got to make a decision and stick with it and you'll watch yourself flourish. Get out of your "ghetto" whether literally or metaphorically speaking and move on. I'm also not saying this because I'm the shining beacon of success- I've got the same amount in my bank account that I did like 7 or 8 years ago and I will be unemployed again in a few months with no place to live....BUT I can tell you from first hand experience that life is much clearer if you just choose something and go with it. You can at least live with a linear direction and know where you're going.

If the Negro in the ghetto must eternally be fed by the hand that pushes him into the ghetto, he will never become strong enough to get out of the ghetto.
Carter G. Woodson

I'm curious to know what your "hand" is...

What is Love?

2009-08-24T08:07:00.003-04:00

So lately I've been watching a lot of 30 Rock, an NBC tv show. I was into it a bit before I came here but now I'm watching full seasons at a time. The character development is good, it's subtly hilarious and clever.

I'm watching an episode called Subway here now and I heard a quote I wanted to share:

Liz: Everything in my life is work, but not Dennis Duffy. I don’t have to shave. I don’t have to bathe. I don’t have to be clever or nice.

Jenna: Love is hiding who you really are at all times, even when you’re sleeping. Love is wearing make up to bed, and going downstairs to the Burger King to poop, and hiding alcohol in perfume bottles. That’s love.

Liz: Being with Dennis is easy. If you give into it, you start to feel kind of numb and warm. And then you just get sleepy.

Jenna: That’s exactly what they say happens when you freeze to death.

Liz: Blurg.

To join me on the 30 Rock wagon, check it out: http://tvshack.net/tv/30_Rock/

my slovak neighborhood in the evening

2009-08-03T14:18:00.004-04:00

So the other day I was sitting in my caged in balcony watching and listening. The next day I wrote this- it's not amazing poetry but...ok no more disclaimers! Here's my unedited...thing...

legs dangling through these metal bars
like a bird in a cage
suspended from a hook in the sky ceiling
this place, my dwelling, slovakia, slovensko.

sounds that bounce 7 stories up
a little too well
are like notes in an unsuspecting song

pigeons that gather and flutter together
near the rusted metal door
on the high rise roof

children sliding down the new white slide
up the stairs, down the slide, up and down

big white and black dog running circles
around his master with a ball

listen carefully and hear cabinets close
and dinner plates clatter
as neighborhood mothers prepare an evening meal

in the distance a siren sounds and music bumps
a car speeds and a babka strolls

look downward through my cage
and see a woman with her head over her balcony
her friend who's back is to the ground
face looking straight up
afternoon face to face conversation
high rise style

a group of children with tie-on roller skates ride by below
the last one directs his remote control car with low batteries
"Pockajte!" he yells in frustration
as they roll ahead, impatient with dying batteries

the sound I'll give anything to hear when I'm gone
a faint, but loudly proclaimed
"AHOJ!" shouted from one child to another
with no restraint, as it bounces through the high rise concrete

desire affects charm

2009-06-03T06:37:00.004-04:00

when the one you desire
desires you
their faults and imperfections
are charming

the unbearable becomes pleasant
the pleasant becomes bliss

but

when the one you desire
rejects you
their faults and imperfections
are ****

the pleasant becomes unbearable
the unbearable becomes torture

....just something I've been thinking about lately.

Twilight, The Book & Movie

2009-06-01T12:24:00.003-04:00

Right, so since all this Twilight nonsense has been hitting the shelves I've been pretty resistant to the idea. I thought it was soooo stupid that someone would read a book/watch a movie about vampires. I thought, "Okay, seriously, how many stories have already been written about vampires! Been there, done that."

Well, I thought that until my roommate left me the Twilight book.

I started reading it on a long train ride, thinking it would be ridiculously stupid. Well I started reading the first page... then the second... then before I knew it I found myself thinking about the story when I put the book down. Soon enough I had finished the book and NEEDED to read the second book! (Finished the book on Saturday)

So today, on my day off, I decided to rent the movie. Since I've read the book and seen the movie so close together, I wanted to tell ya what I thought. First, I loved seeing the visuals of what I imagined. Even though some of what I imagined weren't exact, a lot of it was pretty close- the town feel, her move to Forks, Edward and Bella's appearance, the awkwardness of the daughter/father relationship, Edward's "disgust" of her in the beginning, the truck, the school, the scene where Edward was pissed at those guys in the ally, the native American and his son, .

Other parts though, were kinda annoying in how inaccurate they were. I totally understand that when you make a movie out of a book certain details will be left out. I guess I'm the kind of reader that takes my time because I spend so much time soaking in those little details to get a good picture in my mind. I felt like if I watched the movie without reading the book first, I might not have liked it.

Ok my issues-
- Didn't seem like Edward's family was as interesting, beautiful, or as smooth as the book.
- After Bella got hurt in the book, everyone from her school was in the waiting room.
- In the movie they ate at the diner every night, but in the book she cooked for her dad every night.
- I never noticed that 2nd guy getting killed on the boat in the book- am I wrong? And they never stopped at the police station after Port Angeles.
- In the book it was girl's choice for the prom.
- Her excuse for getting out of the prom was to go to Seattle, not Jacksonville.
- She didn't go to Port Angeles for the book store- in the book she accidentally found the store but didn't go in to buy that book.
- In the book I don't think Bella just led Edward up to the mountain after school where he told her he was a vampire- I think it went down differently.
- That part about the shiny skin was stuuuuuupid in the movie.
- I didn't like the motion blurs when they ran fast- looked so corny.
- Edward never flew out his bedroom window with her and climbed up the tree.
- Bella wasn't the umpire in the game, she sat way far away with the mother- anyways, that whole baseball scene was ridiculous.
- When the bad guy called her, they went to the airport and she lost them in the bathroom- in the movie she just strolled out of the hotel- stupid!
- The bad guy threw her against the glass and totally beat the crap out of her before Edward came- in the movie he was too sweet.
- In the movie, Edward barely fought the bad guy at all, his siblings did everything.
- The hospital scene was inaccurate in lots of places.
- Bella didn't want to go to the prom, Edward tricked her- and she wore a stiletto heel, not a Chuck Taylor.
- Jacob tried to cut in to their dance in the book- not hiding behind a tree.

All in all, I didn't really feel the ANGST and attraction between the two characters like in the book. I think there could have been better character development with those two. Though, I understand it had to lack some detail.

Anyway, give the book a shot definitely- it's worth a brainless read, I think.

Camp Brochure

2009-05-26T11:26:00.002-04:00

Feel free to check out a brochure I did for Camp Chestnut Ridge

http://issuu.com/driggins/docs/summer_camp_2009/2

Emergency Hatch on the Highway

2009-04-30T12:28:00.002-04:00

So a funny thing happened when I was in Spain last week. If you want to see a fraction of the photos I took, check out my Facebook albums. Anyway we were on our way back from Sevilla, Spain (yes, from The Barber of Seville- Bugs Bunny). The driver had left the emergency hatch open on the bus for air while he waited and it was right above our heads. Well he forgot to close it before we got going, and the noise was very annoying. So we asked this guy beside us to close it.

Within a minute or so we all realized he had no idea how to close it, and we started encouraging him to not worry about it or ask someone else. He kept messing with it though, and soon all of us started to have these worried looks on our faces and imagining this hatch flying open. I honestly didn't think it would happen though.

All of the sudden this thing flies off the roof and into traffic behind us (we're going probably 80 mph on the highway, mind you). A few of us gasp, some give a girly scream, and everyone stands up and looks behind us to see if it hit anyone. We couldn't see because there wasn't a window in the very back. So we told the driver what happened and he stopped a few km up the road at a gas station. He nervously called his boss and was instructed to go back and try to find it. So we made our way to the highway in the opposite direction, so that we could turn around and retrace our steps.

As we drove back to the place where it flew off, everyone's faces were plastered against the window looking for this huge white and yellow hatch in between the bushes which were in between lanes of the highway. We finally saw it and yelled out to stop, so the bus driver slams on the breaks and pulls over---kinda, except we were probably 40% in the lane with just a little bit of the bus on the median. The driver gets out and starts running behind us to get the hatch. In the meantime we're being updated on a second by second basis by my friend Gina of what's happening! Haha.. he brings it back and we all start cheering for him. He took it surprisingly well, but maybe because he didn't know it was our fault!

Why Don't Stupid Americans Learn More Languages?!

2009-04-15T10:46:00.002-04:00

I'll tell you why. This question irritates me and I seem to hear it all the time. Yeah yeah, we're fat and stupid and lazy and we think we're all the best and English is all we need and whatever... ya know, there are stereotypes for every country and sub-culture in the world and YES, most of the time it's a stereotype because it's partially true--I will agree with that. Many Americans fit the exact mold of what I just said.

But I just want to stick up for us for a minute- cause I mean, I know that Americans aren't supposed to be patriotic or anything since that would make us ignorant fools.... but I don't care. I want to give you a few reasons why Americans don't find learning a bunch of languages a top priority for them in their lives.

Let's take for example Bob who lives in North Platte, Nebraska. If Bob were to drive 1,300 miles south, 1,600 miles west, 2,000 east, or 3,500 miles to the North (west), he would STILL BE in his own country who speaks English. One major language. He could even go further as Canada obviously speaks English, and as my step dad said, "You could go a few thousand miles south in South America but if you go to a tourist town or hotel they probably speak English anyway."

Take Europe for example. If Europe were a triangle, to get from one point to another it would be about 3,500 miles. Within that triangle there are about 230 languages. Only knowing one language in the midst of several smaller countries so close together would not be very advantageous. Let's say you're working in Switzerland. You have Italian to the south, French to the west, German to the north, and 2 countries to the east you have a junk load of other languages like Czech and Slovak. To be in business and only know German would result in lost business.

Another thing... English is obviously becoming an international language. It's not my fault- it wasn't my decision- it's just the way it is! So yes, I can go just about anywhere in the world and a lot of people I'll meet know their own language plus English.

So listen- here's the deal. Of COURSE I think Americans should learn other languages. There are plenty of benefits in learning languages and it's a good good thing. I'm not saying people shouldn't learn them... ok? But what I am saying is for you people out there who criticize us for being stupid because we don't learn a bunch of languages, find something better to criticize us for!

Numb Silence Has Killed Me

2009-03-24T19:19:00.002-04:00

Written 5 years ago in the peak of some heavy and tough times...

with a lamenting burden strapped across our backs,
so tight and wound likely tethered by our own eager hearts,
we judge life by how we react to new distractions and romanticized visions
that are born out of dissatisfaction of our current circumstance-
our minds, under the impression that happiness is on the other side,
look and long for relevance in ideas and people and expect full recompense-
but once we reach a new climbing comparison on our own mountain,
with breeding expectations, we blindly move onward for a new diversion-
but problems lie in that with these distractions we disqualify our own realities and miseries-
we lose sight of purpose, faith and suffering until we implode with every sense of despondency,
encompassing everything never dealt with, now clattering like an orchestra
with broken instruments assuming their own spotlight- some ring louder and longer,
some more severe and strong, but eventually theyre wound so tight,
like dead weight they sing and sink below, reaching to disappear-
until one day we see no hope, no reason, no satisfaction
in what weve become, no way to deal with the pain thats been so...................................recessed
that our clouded minds become cumbersome-
we gaze with blank stares and hollow thoughts
into the space between nothing and everything
and tighten our heavy load even more,
because were never taught not to obsessively
embrace all that brings this burden to finally
reach its full capacity and break
the undeniable spine of sanity-
where the orchestral conductor,
permits its untuned melody
for too long that the
numb silence has
killed me undoubtedly.

My Daddy

2009-03-20T18:58:00.003-04:00

Here's some pics of my dad. He died on March 20, 1993 and was 38 years old. Now please excuse me while I get back to Becherovka.

My Croatian Adventure

2009-03-10T11:29:00.002-04:00

...and an adventure it was! I don't have my pictures ready to share at the moment so until then, forgive my wordy picture-less story.

So for those of you who don't know why I went to Croatia, let me quickly explain. My step sister Renee is in the Navy and their ship ported in Split, Croatia. She was able to tell me a few days beforehand that she'd be there and asked me to come. I could only find super expensive plane tickets and kinda decided I couldn't afford it...until a lovely Slovak friend found me a cheap bus ticket. I decided this would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and decided to go for it. Tuesday I bought my ticket, Friday I left :)

So I was able to get a ride to the Vienna airport on Friday morning because someone else was going there. However, my BUS left from downtown Vienna at 6 pm. So pretty much all day I walked around Vienna and took trains all over the place to check out the city. I finally feel like I SAW Vienna for the first time, even though I've been there like 4 times. I loved it because I was able to see the parts of town I wanted to that no one else has been interested in seeing.

A few hours beforehand I took the train to Erdberg station a few stops away from downtown. I didn't know where this place was or anything so I left in plenty of time in case I got lost. I went to the counter to make sure I was in the right spot and she said, "Yes, you will be in terminal A." So I wait till check in, go to another counter, ask another lady just to make sure, and she says, "Yes, Terminal A please." So I go to terminal A, show the bus driver my ticket who didn't know one word of English, and I say, "SPLIT?" and he nods his head and says "SPLIT!" and tells me I can sit down. I go get a breath of air before we leave and I ask some random guy if the bus went to Split. He says, "NO SPLIT (points to my bus), THAT SPLIT (points to another bus in another terminal)". It was 5:59 at this point. I run down to the other terminal and low and behold I see a big fat sign for Split on the window. I run back to my bus and get my stuff. As I left I showed me ticket to the silly old driver and said in a ticked off stern voice, "NOT SPLIT!!" and ran to the other bus. We left immediately. Just imagine if I didn't ask that other guy if I was on the right bus- I would have ended up in flippin' Afghanistan or something.

So within about 60 seconds I start to feel horribly motion sick. I thought to myself how there was no way I could get through the whole trip without puking, and started looking around for some place to vomit. I popped my 2 Dramamines and 2 melatonins to start getting sleepy early on. For the next 12 1/2 hours I found myself in about 10 different sleeping positions- the most effective being laying down on the two seats with my legs 'Indian style' against the window. I woke up probably 20 times that night.

At about 5:30 I woke up on the bus and decided I was ready to really wake up. I looked to my right and saw the moon beans shine off of the water then had a stale fluffernutter sandwich (peanut butter and marshmellow fluff). I don't know exactly why but for some reason I was hit with a wave of emotion - both good and bad - and spent like 30 minutes crying in my seat as I looked at the water, being tossed around the curves of the cliffs as the driver sped around them. It felt good to get it out- been too long since I have.

I arrived at the Split bus station at 6:30 am. All I knew about where to find Renee was that she was in a certain part of town. After asking 3 people's advice on how to get there in broken English, I decided to take a chance and take buses to get across town. By the way, I got different responses from those 3 people but I just took the best out of 3! So I couldn't believe it but I got on the right buses at the right time and it took me across the city. Renee had told me it wasn't in the main port so I was looking for a rinky dink little port. So as we were driving I asked a lady next to me where this particular part of town was. She said it was a little further---but I saw a huge gray ship at the bus stop we were stopping at. She told me I should stay on and wait even though my gut told me to get off the bus. I wasn't sure if it was Renee's ship so I thought I'd keep on going to make sure. That was one edge of this large bay. We went all around the entire bay to the opposite side where I eventually got off the bus.

I called the ship's number and the conversation went like this: (Does it sound like I'm in the Navy or what?)
"Hi I'm here visiting OS2 Melillo (or whatever it was) and I am trying to locate your ship. Do you have a number 17 on the front of the ship?"
"No ma'am, there isn't a number on the front but there is a number on the back."
"Ok, yeah honestly I can't tell the difference. Ok, so it's a big, gray boat, eh?"
"Yes ma'am."
"Ok good enough, this phone call is costing me a fortune, bye!"

The problem was, even though I could see the ship I still had to walk over an hour and a half across the bay just to get to the entrance (right beside the bus stop I should have gotten off in the first place). I FINALLY get to the entrance of the ship and wait for her. She comes running through the entrance and hugged and it was great. She took me to the depths of her ship and showed me her 'berthings' (where she lives) and where she works. It was really cool to see it, though I don't think I'm cut out to live in a place like that!

They said that if we didn't stay in this particular 5 star hotel then they wouldn't let her leave--which stinks because the hotel was like a 15 minute ride from downtown and it cost a ton to get a cab ride. Anyway we went to our hotel and got settled, bathed, and relaxed in our really really nice room. Later we went out to get pizza near our hotel but met up with some of her navy buddies who bought our lunch and some drinks which was very expensive, but it was cool I guess. We went back to the hotel and chilled for the night. Actually they gave us a free $5 voucher to use in the casino so we went down there for a while to play the stupid slots which stink. We went up to eat dinner at the fancy restaurant where I ordered a tuna steak. It was borderline rancid which surprised me at the amount of money it cost. I asked for a piece of chicken instead, so they brought me out chicken and fries and I ended up paying like $25 for that stupid meal and we had just spent like 2 hours in the restaurant waiting. How annoying! Stupid expensive rancid food.

The next day we had a crazy awesome continental breakfast in the hotel restaurant. It was AMAAAAZING, probably the best hotel breakfast I've ever had. We grabbed the shuttle to the bus station in downtown and pretty much spent all day from 9:30 to 5 walking around Split taking pictures and stuff. It was so cool and I really loved it there. We just explored every crack and crevice we could find and took pictures of it. It was amazing! I'm gonna post my pictures on Facebook soon so watch out.

At 5 I went to the bus station but I didn't see my bus. While I wasn't looking the bus right in front of me changed the sign to say they were going to Vienna. So I said goodbye to Renee and showed this big hairy tall ugly driver my ticket. In Croatian he asked if I spoke German or Croatian, and I said no, so he said "Why not?! Next time, German or Croatian!". He was trying to tell me I needed another ticket. I said I only had one ticket. So after 5 minutes of arguing he took me in the bus station and yelled at the guy behind the ticket counter so everyone could here. I didn't understand him but I knew he was mad and not happy with me....especially after I reached in my pocket and showed him my itinerary (not a ticket) and the ticket guy said that was what he was asking for.

So we went outside and he looked at my backpack and pointed to the back of the bus. I thought he was saying that I needed to put my backpack on the bottom. I said, "No this comes with me up there" and I pointed to the seats in the back. He said something in Croatian and pointed to the back of the bus. I said, "NO, you don't understand, I'm NOT putting this under the bus because it's small enough to go with me and" blah blah. We argued like this for another 5-10 minutes and he was looking at me like he wanted to kill me, but I wouldn't do it. After a while he grabbed my hand with his huge hand and pointed at the back door of the bus---MEANING that I could take my bag with me but I had to enter in the back entrance instead of the front. I felt pretty stupid. I got on and got settled. Later he came back and I said sorry and he winked at me so he wasn't too mad.

Later that night I needed to use the bathroom on the bus but he told me it was broken. Except, you have to pay to use the bathroom at the bus stop so just as we were about to leave he took me to show me the bathroom and convinced the ladies to let me go in for free cause I didn't have any money. It was nice.

The hairy bus driver and I were on good terms until he came to the back of the bus to tell me I couldn't lay down on the seats the way I was. I was pretty ticked!!

I got into Vienna at 4:30 am, an hour before schedule...but I woke up as we were parking so I was in a hurry to get off the bus cause everyone else was almost off. I looked back to make sure I had everything and didn't see anything. It wasn't till another 30 some minutes later till I realized I left my black hat on the bus!!! ACK! So I was about to get a train home but decided to delay my trip so I could go back on the other train to see if my hat was still on the bus. Of course the bus was locked and no one would let me in. I came back a few hours later again and it was still locked. I even left a note on the outside of the bus as well as leaving one on the outside of the bus station but no one gave a hoot. So yes, my favorite hat of all time is seeing the world without me. :( I'm still mad about that to be honest.

I took another train to Starbucks and tried to sleep there for another few hours but kept being rudely awakened by the espresso machines. I got a fantastic cup of espresso and muffin and left. I met some friends later that day and we walked around Vienna for another few hours and had some pretty good lunch. I got to the train station in Trnava and walked another 25-30 minutes to get home. I was pooped! I slept 11 hours last night and could have slept longer if it weren't for my alarm.

Let me just say that I really really enjoy traveling alone, as scary as it can be sometimes. I love the ability to make 10 different decisions in 10 seconds and no one cares. I like to be able to go wherever I want and spend as long as I want doing it and I don't have to worry about what other people want. On the other hand I like traveling with one buddy who doesn't care about that stuff either. It's nice to have companionship and for people to watch your back and your luggage and stuff.

Anyway I totally don't regret any part of this trip, I had a great time and I feel so refreshed coming back from it. I'm really glad my friends encouraged me/pushed me to go. Good times!!

Away and Gone

2009-03-05T08:10:00.002-05:00

I wrote this years ago about my curse of taking things personally from real jerks who hurt my feelings and signified a change in my ability to stand up for myself. Oh and I don't like to use correct punctuation and crap when I write this kinda stuff, sorry.

((If I were reading this out loud I'd take the least amount of breaths as possible, with my finger pointed at someone and my voice raising as I read it--it's how I wrote it kinda))

My mind that takes and twists
each pinch that comes from one
who doesnt know theyve missed
seeing that ive come undone

from one little word that fell-
and they never considered
that it could hurt like hell
and it soaks in my brain to ponder-

and the memory replays in my head
over and over until it changes
everything that was first said-
and now something twisted enrages

embedded deep in a temping affair
thats recessed inside and churning-
and i remember each small tear
that rips into my heart and its burning

me and all the while this person
that has no idea what theyve done
or the implications theyve hung
on a nail thats been driven with fun-

along with a snicker to reverberate
into every nerve that ever gave me
the idea i was worthy of the benefit
of the doubt that i cared to be

someone who cares to love
the person inside of you despite
the way you don't care above
anyone but whos in the mirrors sight-

and i would have loved you anyway
but you dont even care by the words
you repeat to me every day
reminding me that i deserve worse

than what i am in my insignificant self
erasing the rest of my dignity-
and every bit of respect i held
for any bit of you is now free

by the reminder that im free
from you and from the world
who has an opinion of little me
that has only been furled

up with the assumption that my past
is nothing to be compared with your future
by yourself and continuing to be the last
person who has ever thought to nurture-

so now i erase you from my head
and forget all those things you once
said to me and live on instead
in the confidence that ill move on

in a world without you away and gone.

My Ultimate Travel Experience

2009-03-03T10:33:00.003-05:00

The other week during English classes here at the Building, we asked our students if they could travel anywhere for however long, where would it be? Since I like my answer, I thought I'd share it with you.

If I had my druthers, I would like to travel with 3 people in a large "African Style SUV" like the one below for at least 1-2 months completely around Africa. Yeah, an African road trip. Starting in Egypt, through Ethiopia, down to Cape Town, South Africa, around to the eastern side so I could visit that tiny Spanish speaking African country (yes it exists), over on the horn through Benin and up to Morocco, ending in Egypt again.

As for supplies all I would want are a few pairs of clothes fit for hot and cold weather, my chacos and my boots, my camera equipment, a notebook, and a big bag for all the souvenirs my heart desires. I would prefer that at least one of those other 3 people were Africans themselves and knew how to speak some languages, how to drive in Africa and how to get us out of trouble, etc.

Yep, that's my dream vacation. What's yours?

Girl Interrupted and My Fascination

2009-02-17T10:25:00.005-05:00

One weirdish thing about me is that I'm totally fascinated with books, movies and music about drug addictions and severe psychological problems. Most of my favorite books have some element of these things. Well I was reacquainted with a movie yesterday called Girl Interrupted, starring Winona Ryder, Angelina Jolie, Brittney Murphy, Jared Leto, Whoopi Goldberg, and more. I forgot how much I liked it.

It's basically about Susanna (Winona Ryder) who graduates high school and falls into a deep depression. She downs a bottle of liquor and a bottle of medication, hoping to kill herself. She's sent off to a mental institution in hopes to be healed. She ends up befriending a group of fellow patients who all have their own major issues too. One thing I noticed this time around watching it was that Susanna first doesn't want to go to the mental ward- she claims she doesn't have problems. Yet, as the movies goes along and she starts making connections with the other patients and seeing their humanity instead of them equaling their problems. As the film progresses she starts to believe that she's crazy. 3/4 of the way through she even told a guy not to get involved with her because she's crazy. I had never noticed the first few times watching it. Here's a section of the film you can check out. Sorry for the language and crassness of it. I really tried to find a clip that wasn't this crude, but it just wouldn't communicate it well. I especially like Angelina Jolie's character and she reminds me of someone.

If you want to read a great book about this kind of thing, also check out A Million Little Pieces, http://www.amazon.com/Million-Little-Pieces-James-Frey/dp/0307276902/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234885536&sr=1-1 The Bell Jar http://www.amazon.com/Bell-Jar-Sylvia-Plath/dp/0061148512/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234885471&sr=1-1, and Go Ask Alice. http://www.amazon.com/Go-Ask-Alice/dp/1416914633/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234885408&sr=1-2 These are 3 of my favorite books. You can go to these links and see some of the insides of them.

By the way, if you like this kind of movie, check out One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest with early Jack Nicholson. Great film.

He's Just Not That Into You

2009-02-15T03:41:00.004-05:00

So I just got home from a night out with my girlfriends where we saw the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You". The movie in and of itself had a lot of issues, mostly because it was saturated with liberal Hollywood ideals like adultery, sex, homosexuality, and yes even female ministers. (Sorry, had to add that one in). A few times in the movie, they'd show a title that explains different reasons why men might not be into you. It started off mild, like "He's just not into you if he doesn't call you"... but in short time it turned into, "...if he doesn't sleep with you" etc. which is where it got a tad annoying.

The main plot of the movie was about women who THINK men like them because of subtle hints, where in fact those men don't give a hoot about them. It highlights women who, hanging on every word a man says to her, reads into those words and actions much deeper than the man intended. Despite the average acting and fairly predictable plot, I will say I walked away feeling encouraged about one "moral of the story". His point was that if a man wants a woman, he will communicate that. If he wants to be with her, he will find a way. If he doesn't call, doesn't participate, plainly doesn't seem interested, well he's probably not! I like that. To me, it's a call for men to be men and take initiative....or at least to be clear in one way or another and to be more careful about signals they give to women. It seems to be also a call to women to allow men to pursue them instead of falsely presuming they're interested when they're not. To ME, despite all the other wretched sinful lives of the actors in the movie, it actually seemed to try and un-blur the oh-so-blurry lines of dating, chemistry and relationships and to get back to the simple and natural concept of MEN clearly, honestly pursing WOMEN.

Nights that remind me of things missed

2009-02-02T15:31:00.003-05:00

Sorry I've been such a putz about writing on this thing. I dunno what's wrong with me. I think I spent so much time writing on it before because I had very large chunks of time to write with nothing else to do and I had more time to look into new subjects to talk about. It's also a lot easier for me to be reflective and write about things when I feel like my life is falling apart. Lately I haven't felt that way, and my peace hasn't provoked any writing because of it.

Tonight though, as I'm sitting here at my kitchen table which is actually in the living room a few minutes before midnight, I'm feeling a little sad. Not because anything bad has happened, actually I can't explain why I'm feeling like this. Someone asked me to find some pictures I took a while back, so I had to search around my external hard drive to find them. While looking at all these pictures I'm reminded of people I love so much and the good times we've had. (Below....) I remember all of the moments that I took those photos or were in the photos. I miss my friends from the States a lot right now. Sometimes I want to say some joke or do something that certain people would find funny or understand. (Like quotes like, "Ande's Racecar!" or "COME 'ERE OTIS!" or "That is hilARIOUS.")

Not that those times and places were perfect, and I don't necessarily wish to go there right now because I really am happy here at the moment--but I do miss those people. At the same time though, I see pictures of my friends who live close to me here and I even miss them too! That's just silly. I'm in one of those moods where I'd rather be around people I like instead of myself. There's a line from a song that's been relevant lately... actually nevermind. I think it's one of those times where I know nothing else to do but try and get through a prayer and sleep, hoping to feel better in the morning. Goodnight.

Everything You've Ever Wanted to Know About England...

2009-01-08T11:53:00.005-05:00

Not really. Okay, so it's taken me a while to work up the energy to write about my trip to England but I'm gonna do it! It was a pretty interesting trip, mostly for the strange situations that we got into. We left at like 7 a.m. on Tuesday for the airport...wait, that's not strange OR interesting. Umm I went with a friend named Jan (for you Americans, that's like Yahn, it's a dude, not Jan like the Brady Bunch)..

Right-o, so we were about to go through security and Jan asked if I had the bag for his pasta. I thought it was really strange that he asked me to bring a ziploc for pasta the night before, but I did anyway. Later did I realize that pasta was actually paste, which is actually tooth paste. Aha! So I took it out, gave it to him, and he asked if I had a bag for MY pasta and toothbrush. I said no I didn't need one. He said I had to have one- it's a requirement- especially for all of my liquids... a rule I thought was a bit silly. We got through security with no problem after that, except as I was getting my junk out of the x-ray box, I quickly realized there was a picture of a realistic giant tarantula on the bottom. This made me die a little inside.

We boarded the plane and almost immediately heard the terrifying screams of a young girl, maybe 5, a few rows behind us. During our 2 hour flight, this little demon screamed like a banshee and kicked the back of the seat for like 45 minutes, like someone was torturing her! It was really disturbing. I lost my patience about 3 minute after her screams started, and had a really hard time not reaching back there and smacking the crap out of her. I considered giving her my iPod to watch Ice Age 2 but Jan told me not to.

We had to go through my favorite part of the airport, customs! I was excited to talk to officials who actually spoke English. Jan went through the EU citizens long huge line with the screaming kid while I went to the express "other" line. She asked me for my passport, so far so good. Then she gave me the 3rd degree about why I was in England and why I was living in Slovakia. She concluded it was silly for me to "give up graphic design to teach English". She obviously missed a part of that story. She asked me for my return ticket--which I didn't have-- then she asked for an address of where I'll be staying--also didn't have. She made me sit down and not say anything and I couldn't use my phone to get that info. Ok really long story really short, (cause this blog entry is becoming super long) she was SO MEAN to us and it took so long to get through customs cause she thought we were traveling backpacking terrorists. Ugh, stupid lady.

As we were rushing out of the airport to get the bus outside the terminal, I noticed a Starbucks (which has become a true sight for sore eyes for me). With my eyes on the beautiful green logo my body continued to keep running out the door. We got to the bus stop and realized our bus wasn't there yet. So with wide eyes and a giant smile I ran back in the airport to get my quad espresso over extra ice with a splenda (except they didn't have splenda which made the drink nasty) and a sweet mug I've been wanting for a while.

We boarded the bus, found our seats and were excited to see the English countryside. Very quickly I noticed that the bus driver was actually a retired race car driver and drove our gigantic tour bus like he did in the good ol' days on the racetrack. This, of course, triggered a relapse in carsickness. What makes the roads we traveled different from normal roads and intersections in the States is that instead of traffic lights, you usually have round-a-bouts. These are fun in a small car going slow, but not so much fun when you're sitting in the back of a bus going way too fast around about 89 of these in a row.

We got dropped off in Cambridge by the bus, except we totally forgot to a) print out a map of Cambridge, b) get Anya's address c) get numbers for a taxi and d) highlight the route from the bus stop to her house. Long story short, we ended up just getting a cab to our hostel. The cab driver informed us we were probably getting ripped off because they didn't serve breakfast. This definitely calmed my nerves. Anya came over and we walked to an Indian restaurant like 100 ft. from the hostel and then went to get a drink next door. As we were playing pool in a room in the back, these two teenage girls came in, sat down, and played pop music on the speakerphone of their cell. They sang along to them too, which was a lot of fun to listen to, especially after paying for the jukebox to play some of my own songs. Later they came up to us and were like, "Hey you guys are cool, can we have a picture with you?" Anya and I both wanted to say, "Look, if you want a picture with Jan we can just move out of the way."

For the next few days we spent a lot of time touring the beautiful sites of Cambridge. We saw some super old buildings, schools, statues, museums and shops. It was really nice! We also found this Cafe Nerro which was an English coffee shop chain of some sort- my mint mocha was fabulous. We also ventured the long walk to Anya's sister's house where she's living temporarily. We had a few lovely dinners there and enjoyed their super cute apartment. For New Years we went to their house. There wasn't a TV and I couldn't find a live London countdown, so I found a clock online and we had our own countdown. :)

Something I really really enjoyed about Cambridge was how much English was everywhere! How refreshing that was for me to just be able to ask people questions, get directions, and KNOW exactly what I'm buying at the grocery store. That was so nice for me! Except I kept saying "Dakujem" (Thank you) after buying something at the store, which I'm sure made the clerks a bit confused.

It was time for us to go so we made our way to the bus stop... except, what appeared to be a huge bus on the map, was actually NOT the bus stop as I had anticipated. We had just walked like 30 something minutes to get there. After asking a few people where the main bus hub was, we realized we were on the wrong side of town! Fortunately we had plenty of time to spare. As we walked to the real bus station I was kicking myself in the pants for directing us in the wrong direction--I hate that! While beating myself up, my camera strap unclipped and my camera crashed onto the pavement with a loud, CLASH. As time stood still watching the camera plummet to it's doom, I heard it squeal," ....nooo you dropped me you fool!" This made me feel even BETTER about myself!

We waited at the real bus stop for a while until it was time for Anya to go. Our bus was to leave at 6:40 pm. Well, it was 6:38 and no bus (usually they come a few minutes early). We asked a bus driver if he heard of any delays. She looked at our ticket and said, "You're at the wrong bus stop guys." Our jaws dropped. "You're supposed to be at **such and such** bus stop. That's like a mile or so down that way." Jan said, "BUT WE ONLY HAVE 2 MINUTES!" After an uncaring look from the driver, we took off running down the road in the direction she pointed with all of our luggage. We eventually arrived at another bus hub and we frantically started asking everyone which bus they were waiting for and if ours had arrived yet. No one knew anything and we were freaking out! Eventually we found out from someone that the driver was late and we were okay. We both just about collapsed with joy.

The drive back to the airport was even worse than the first one. Apparently there are more than one retired indy car racers in the English bus system. I wanted to throw up so many times, it was ridiculous. At one point I went to the bus bathroom (which is about 2 ft. x 2 ft. in diameter). I was thrown against the walls and window, making a huge racket as my head met the plastic walls--except the engine was so loud that Jan didn't hear it. So when I walked out, laughing, he didn't know why. As I went to sit down, the bus driver thought it would be funny (HA....HA) to sharply and quickly turn the wheel, throwing me against the window near my seat. GOOD TIMES!...not.

We had one transfer for our bus ride in the middle of nowhere. This was fabulous, especially since it was probably 20 degrees out or less, and we had to sit outside on a bench for an hour and a half. It's been a while since I've been that cold. Eventually the stupid bus came again and took us back to Birmingham. (This ride was better, as I sat in the front seat and watched Grey's Anatomy and cried a little when the doctor almost died...I digress...). We arrived at about 11 p.m., but our flight wasn't until 6 a.m. the next morning. The airport WAS FREEZING I tell you, unbelievably cold. We found a big half circle restaurant bench and tried to catch some sleep before the flight. At about 4 we got up and got our tickets. Our flight back was miserable. This stupid little kid wouldn't not crying (DEJA VU RIGHT!?!?), I was ridiculously tired, I needed a shower, the nosepiece on my glasses had broken so my glasses were digging into my nose, I was cramped in the seat, and Ryan Air thought that among all of this, I would want to actually hear their radio-style advertising about how great their airline is being blasted from the loud speakers into my ear. I almost lost it. Seriously.

Anyhoo we got home and I fell asleep at noon till that evening. I didn't mean for this story to be so dang long, but oh well. So you must be wondering, will I ever visit England again? Well, maybe. Here's my official opinion as of this morning on this day: I could live in England easily (except the whole driving on the wrong side of the road thing- sucky!), but honestly I don't know if I'll travel there JUST to travel, like, from the States. The reason is, when I think of traveling I want to see places that are really different from what I'm used to. That's what makes traveling so flippin' interesting! Living there would be a piece of cake, but traveling, maybe not. For the record, I'm really really glad I went! It was great to see Anya and spend time there, it was great to see so much English, and it was great to have a little adventure.

Fulfilling Your Senses

2008-12-27T06:45:00.002-05:00

Whenever I think of our 5 senses (sight, touch, smell, hear, taste) I remember my 2nd and 3rd grade teacher (we had two classes in the same room) Mrs. Knorr teaching us with charts and and cards. Those images came to mind over this past week, as I felt within a 1 or 2 day period I had unintentionally satisfied all of them.

By satisfied I mean to say that the minimum quota was filled. If my senses were an empty glass, it would have been replenished to the brim. I believe when we are discouraged most in our lives, when our existence feels meaningless, numb and sterile, we ought to seek to fill our senses, each one of them, as quickly as possible. When you can't remember the last time you've seen, touched, smelled, heard or tasted something beautiful---something that makes your heart melt just a little bit---it's time to get up and seek it; because when you do, you'll be reminded that we have one life- one chance- one shot to soak up as much of it as you can before it's too late. No?

So I felt satisfied this past week as I reflected on these things and ways in which my body soaked up my surroundings. We went to hear a beautiful orchestra and chorus play the music of Bach. We sat on the balcony and as I closed my eyes and listened to the participants belt their voices and play their instruments, the echoes bounced against the ceilings and into my ears. My hearing sense was being overwhelmed.Before the concert they instructed us to come get chairs to sit on, since we did not have tickets. We walked down two annoyingly long hallways to get our own chair to sit on, which in my mind was pretty ridiculous. Anyway, as we approached the end of the last hall, I realized that we were walking into an ornately designed chapel. That word can't describe the beauty of this room though. It was completely dark and quiet, except for the shadow of a priest in his meditation, and the light that was shining from the hallway. Every inch of the walls were covered in detail. My eyes were overwhelmed with beauty!
An occurrence much less beautiful, though equally satisfying (as odd as this sounds), I was walking around Ikea with a friend the day before and I just sat there and smelled the wonderful candles. Each one was so unique and so beautiful, and being surrounded by all the items I one day would like to fill my home with, those smells sparked images of my future with a family and a house. (That MUST be a chic thing cause I could never imagine a guy doing that...maybe if he smelled Lowes Home Improvement or cut grass?).
I say this not to boast, mind you, but sometimes in a great while I eat food that makes my soul smile. Since I know what kinds of foods I enjoy, I use those ingredients in my dishes. I made that pork/bacon/veggie stuff with nice pasta and alfredo sauce (with really expensive cheese) drizzled heartily with balsamic glaze. For dessert we had a 3 layer cheesecake with a ganache topping. It's not the most amazing food out there, but it makes me happy to eat it. So my taste buds were satisfied here, definitely.The feeling of cold air to me is so nice, especially on a nice brisk evening when I'm in a good mood and walking by myself. The other night I was walking by myself at night listening to my iPod, and the feeling of that cold air was just so refreshing and automatically put me in a good mood. My touch senses were being filled as well.Anyway, I don't have too much of a point to this, except to say that it's important to fill your senses once in a while, whatever that might look like. Have any recent experiences where you've done this and it's refreshed you?

Garlic Soup

2008-12-20T08:53:00.003-05:00

Recently I've been enjoying soup for dinner... which is pretty unusual for me because I'm not a huge soup consumer. By the time I get home from the Building it's usually a strange hour past dinner but before bed and I'm hungry, but I don't want a big meal.

I made some french onion soup from scratch the other night which was actually pretty flippin' decent, but it made my stomach hurt SOOO bad, I was like doubled over in pain. So, so much for that!

But Petra made this yummy yummy creamy garlic soup the other day for a group dinner at my house. I've been eating it almost every night and it's reeeeally good. So I put some freshly grated Parmesan, fresh basil and breadcrumbs on top, drizzled with Texas Pete hot sauce to kick it up a notch. OH! And this is one of the bowls I bought from Ikea which could make a piece of poop look like a gourmet meal. Ew... or not, nasty.

Doctor Visit...

2008-12-14T07:24:00.001-05:00

Here's my most recent posting on my Slovakia blog that you might find interesting....

"Do Not Let Your Fire Go Out"

2008-12-09T04:29:00.002-05:00

“In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours.”

Ayn Rand quotes (Russian born American Writer and Novelist, 1905-1982)

The Pokrok Project

2008-12-04T11:19:00.002-05:00

So here's a project I'm working on. I'm not 100% on this design, but really the design doesn't matter too much. I'm raising money for a nice computer and computer programs for The Building. I'm doing this because right now their computer is ancient--and my goal is to leave them completely self sufficient when I leave as far as their advertising goes- so when they need to design a flier or t-shirt or update their website they can and they won't have to spend a ton of money to go somewhere else. So 10 months from now my goal is to have everything completely running from their computer and not mine. They'll have Adobe CS2 or CS3 and I hope the entire Macromedia set which includes Flash too (that's a gift from me though).

Oh, and Pokrok means progress in Slovak.

Financially Supporting Cults

2008-12-03T05:16:00.003-05:00

I was taking a shower this morning and used some of my Dr. Bronner's All-In-One soap, which has become a favorite soap of mine to use. It is biodegradable, vegetable based, fair trade, organic, multipurpose, no preservatives or synthetics, blahdy bladhy blah, whatever, it works (especially while backpacking and traveling... I recommend the peppermint).

Anyway if you've ever spent more than a second looking at the label of Dr. Bronner's soap you might notice something a little different about it. What you might notice is that a pseudo-cult leader "doctor" has designed the soap. My favorite part about their website is when they call Earth, "Spaceship Earth".
Here's an excerpt from their crazy bottle labels: "Replace half-true Socialist-fluoride poison & tax-slavery with full-truth, work-speech-press & profitsharing Socialaction! All-One! So, help build 4 billion Hannibal wind-power plants, charging 96 billion battery-banks, powering every car-factory-farm-home-monorail & pump, watering Babylon-roof-gardens & 800 billion Israel-Milorganite fruit trees, guarded by Swiss 6000 year Universal Military Training..." Yeah, I don't have it in front of me so I can't tell you the other insane things they talk about.

So that got me thinking... by buying this soap am I financially supporting crazy cults? Which also got me thinking, where is the line on what we buy from whom and how our buying their products supports their bad causes? Wal-Mart supports a TON of things I very much disagree with, and so does Target and Disney and Starbucks and just about any other large liberal company out there. But does that mean we should boycot any and all companies who financially support causes we disagree with? Where do we draw the line?

I have no answer to this, rather I just wanted to post the question and see if anyone had any thoughts on it.

Oh, and it's my 200th post... sweet!

Huh?

2008-11-26T11:46:00.003-05:00

I'm a little out of it which means I probably shouldn't write on this thing, but oh well! I dunno, I'm kind of in a temporary funk actually. It hit me during our staff meeting a few minutes ago when I saw on the projector screen that a lot of the staff is leaving for the holidays. That leaves me home alone for like almost a month too. There are some families that will be here and also my Slovak friends but I presume they'll want to spend a lot of that time with their families--which I didn't really think about before! Being alone on Christmas, one day, isn't a big deal but I wonder how much time I'll be alone for a few weeks. Hmmm. Interesting. I wonder if I should visit someplace or somebody in Europe or something? I dunno, we'll see.

The times I feel most overwhelmed isn't when I have too much to do, it's when I have a lot of stuff to do that I don't really know how to do... like expense reports, design projects for people that I'm confused or uninformed about, etc. So all of the sudden I'm feeling a little stressed about stuff for some reason. Anyhoo, I'm gonna go get in on an English lesson or something.

Invisible Children

2008-11-18T16:02:00.002-05:00

www.invisiblechildren.com

If you haven't seen this screening and have a chance to, go watch the entire film.

Week #2

2008-11-12T05:15:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm starting week #2 in Trnava and I thought I'd write a little something. Honestly I don't have anything specific to talk about but I wanted to check in for those of you far away who want to see how I'm doing. If you're interested, and haven't seen it yet, check out my facebook photos as well as my Slovakia blog (listed to the right) for more details.

In general I'm doing pretty well. I was telling one of my many bible study groups the other night that I felt like I was still sort of in the twilight zone. My body's here but my brain hasn't quite caught up to myself yet, if that makes sense. I asked them to pray that when reality hits, it won't hit me too hard and the transition will be alright.

I haven't had any horrible experiences yet really. I've had a few interesting confrontations with strangers and a little sick here and there, but yeah- all in all pretty well. Hey actually I think I'm going to write a more detailed account on my SK blog (www.andetrumanslovakia.blogspot.com), so check that out if you're interested! And come to think of it, I think I'm not going to write general updates on this blog. This one is for more personal and random stuff- cool?

Packing for a Year....

2008-11-01T13:22:00.003-04:00

....SUCKS! Okay, it's not that packing for that long is hard, per se. What's hard is that each bag can only weigh 50 lbs. and I could easily get 100 lbs. in each bag! I'm so frustrated with this. Not only do I have to pack everything I need in 2 bags, but I have to make boxes labeled "Someday send me", "Don't send me" and "Send me now". The "Send me now" I'll send on Monday to myself. Everything else I own I have to box up and store it in the attic. So it's not just packing for a trip, it's like moving too!

So a few days ago I weighed my bags and both were 15 lbs. overweight and I didn't even put in books OR shoes yet. So I was thinking I'd just pay to have it too heavy, but that would cost me $250. So poo on that. Anyway I finally got my bags under 50 lbs. but I'm leaving behind so much stuff I want and I don't like that feeling.

Oh by the way, when you weigh yourself, do it on a hard surface and not carpet. I was weighing myself to weigh my duffle bag and it said I had gained a JUNK load of weight in the past 10 months. So for 2 days I was so depressed! Then I thought I should weigh myself on a hard floor... well the story doesn't end that great because I still gained some weight, but half as much as I thought I did. So yeah, lesson learned.

Here's a stack of my clothes that I started out with after filtering once- it's like 1/3 of that now. :(

Proud to be a Panhead

2008-10-26T23:41:00.007-04:00

Well tonight I've got some major hickups and can't sleep, so I decided to write a little something. Friday night I took my 8 year old nephew to see one of my all time favorite bands, Skillet. I've seen Skillet at least 12 or 13 times, but every time I see them they're just cooler and cooler in my book. This was Dylan's first concert ever, and something tells me he'll never forget it!

Ok sorry, I just got lost watching Skillet YouTube videos for a long time... I'm back.

Anyway, John Cooper, the sexy -- I mean, talented singer always has a mini-speech in his concerts. They're always good and they always stick with me. I realized last night as I was listening to one of his speeches, for the 12th or 13th time, that over the 10 years or so that I've listened to them and seen them live, there's a theme. This theme has been influential in my faith actually- and explains some things about my beliefs.

Here's the theme that John drives home in his music and speeches: It doesn't matter what you look like, what clothes you wear, how many piercings or tattoos you have, whether you have a mohawk or however you look different...Jesus takes you just exactly as you are. You're His child and what matters is your heart and if you're living for Him, loving Him and loving people.

That's made a big impact on how I view people and also how I view coming to Christ. Coming from a background that judges people on appearances and social expectations more than anything else, this is a radically different point of view to live out. It seemed growing up that I believed you almost had to "clean up" before you "get saved"--now I don't see it that way at all.

Anyway, I thank John Cooper and his lyrics, his music, his band, and his testimony of faithfulness as he lives out the faith in this music ministry. I wish them nothing but success in continually sharing the Gospel in unique and effective ways to the youth of the world.

Now I'll leave you with sexy pictures... (Hey my hiccups are gone, sweet.)

Do you see that sweat on his guitar strap!? Hot.

The One-Issue Voter and Me: Thoughts on the Judgement of America

2008-10-23T16:33:00.008-04:00

What is the purpose of democratic voting?

This is the question I've pondered for months. Is the purpose to give citizens a sense of belonging and power? Is it designed to show what the majority of the people want, therefore making it a citizen run country? In voting for something as important as a president, should we vote for those who have the most experience? Should we vote for what's best for the country as a whole? Are we allowed to be "one issue" voters, or is that naive?

When it comes to voting in the US presidential elections, I've been back and forth as to whether or not I gave a crap about it. I even considered not voting because I didn't want ANY of them to win. This was many months ago and my opinion has changed several times since then.

First, I'll be up front by saying that over my dead body would I ever vote for someone as detrimental to this country and the world as Barack Hussein Obama. Never has a liar so manipulative, so unqualified and heartless been able to rise to the ranks of a presidential nomination. The fact that he's come this far says a lot about our nation and how we are being judged by God Himself. Now, my mom happens to think that he's a terrorist antichrist who needs to be assasinated... of which opinion I do not necessarily hold, no matter how much I don't like him.

There is much I could say about him here, but I'll hold back for the sake of you guys holding interest in what I'm talking about. If you don't believe me that he has no relevant experience in running a nation, do some research and stop being stubborn.

What has really been on my heart lately is his stance on abortion. There in lies the fundamental difference between pro-lifers and pro-choicers. Pro-choicers believe a fetus is nothing special- nothing more than a useless mass of cells that can easily be destroyed with no consequence. Pro-lifers believe that fetuses and newborns are actual humans with actual souls.

There's so much about abortion I could talk about, but let me get to my point. Let me say why if Obama gets elected, he will continue passing laws of infanticide and mass murder. Obama was the ONLY SENATOR, (not the only democrat, the only person, period) who passed a law that would allow babies who were born from partial birth abortions to have their medical treatment withheld. If you don't realize the reality of that, let me break it down in an example: a woman comes in 7 months pregnant and decides she can't afford to have a child right now. The doctors induce labor, poke a large instrument in her, and yank out the fetus. The mother goes away while the doctors help her heal. The baby is either tossed in a basket of soiled cloths, or left on a cold metal table to die. This is not a deceased child either, this is a living, breathing, crying child. It lays there until it dies.

One nurse who came forward to try to stop this process says she heard a baby cry for 8 hours on one shift until he or she had died.

I'm sorry if that was graphic, but it's reality. This is really happening in America. This goes so far and beyond a "morning after pill" or an immediate abortion after conception. This is absolute and clear murder.

I challenge any democrat out there who claims to be a Christian to sit and ponder this. I want them, in clear a conscience, to be able to tell me that they have no problem voting for a man who fights for this "right" for women to "choose" and to not be "punished" by a child. Tell me in clear conscience that you can claim the truths of scriptures and also vote for a man who promotes infanticide.

So this brings me to my next quick point. I kept thinking: "I want to vote for Ron Paul because his politics make sense- I want to be a part of revolutionizing our government! Who cares if he loses, at least I'll feel good about voting for someone that I want, not that all other republicans want. Who cares if it's not strategic, my vote realistically doesn't mean anything."

Well, I've changed my mind. Someone told me a few weeks ago, "Any vote that is not for McCain is a vote for Obama." I didn't want to hear it, but it's true. So now I say that I cannot with a clear conscience use my vote to help Obama in any way, as indirect as it sounds. I'll sacrifice my feelings of choice and empowerment for the possibility of putting a man in office who adheres to the human relevancy of the bible.

When I see people with Obama stickers and t-shirts, etc. (especially "Babies *or Mothers* for Obama" stickers...how ironic) it bothers me, but it's their choice to vote for who they see fit. However, when I hear about people who are voting for him just because he's black, or say something like, "I'm voting for him because he's gotten so many people to get out and vote who have never cared about voting", or "...because he's going to bring a change to this country and plus, I like this enthusiasm"... it doesn't just bother me, it infuriates me! It is SCARY that millions of stupid Americans who never cared about voting before are now voting because of these superficial reasons. Listen people, that's NOT a positive change!! People like this shouldn't be allowed to vote because they're acting on impulse, emotion, and racial dedication! Funny thing is, I'd be a racist if I said, "I'm not voting for Obama b/c he's black" or "I'm voting for McCain b/c he's white"... how backwards!

Will Obama win? Probably. Do I want McCain as my president? Not really, I don't like him all that much. But to be honest, it doesn't matter. Whatever Obama brings to this nation- whatever laws he passes that kill more innocent lives, or when he brings Socialism to this country--whatever happens to us, we deserve it. We can expect no other judgment on America than what we deserve. Blind nationalism plagues this country and because of it, we can expect to be brought to our knees until we realize we are not invincible.

I don't ask God to bless this country (and I won't put up a "God Bless America" bumper sticker either). All I ask is that He have mercy on us as we continue to blatantly disobey Him and put our trust in the Obamessiah.

My Testimony

2008-10-20T17:05:00.002-04:00

So.... to become a member of my church I grew up in, you're required to be baptized and give your testimony to the congregation. I never knew this was rare until I started going to other churches. Most places, you say you want to be a member and you're in. Not here! Nope, you have to write down how you came to the faith and make a public proclamation about your beliefs. Needless to say, it's taken me 25 years to do this because it's pretty intense and intimidating to speak like that in front of a few hundred people listening to every word you say! But I did.

To be honest I was dreading it for weeks. I really hate public speaking and it makes me so stressed and nervous to just think about it- so now that it's over I'm really relieved. I gave my testimony with 5 other young people around my age. It was kinda nice to be with my friends in front of everyone. People were crying the whole time, which made me want to cry but I didn't, thank goodness.

ANYWAY! I figured, hey, if anyone should know my testimony, it should be my friends, right? So here's my story (written as it would be read in front of my church):

Many of you sitting here tonight may not know exactly who I am, so I'd like to start off by introducing myself. Most of you were either friends with, aquatinted with, or at least have heard the name of my father, Jim Truman. My mother is Susan Melillo, and my step-father is Tom Melillo.

If you knew my father, for me to start off saying "I grew up in a Christian home" may sound like an understatement. I have spent the majority of my life in this church, and have been under the preaching of Gary Hendrix and the other elders as far back as I can remember.

My family moved from upstate New York to Mebane in 1985, mostly because of this church. In 1993, when I was 9 years old, my dad passed to be with the Lord, leaving 3 children and a wife behind. My father's death has shaped the person that I've grown up to be.

For the majority of my pre-teen and teenage years, I felt quite lost and unconfident in my faith. I went through phases of rebellion, mostly by way of sibling influence. I have never truly doubted God's existence. I've always said, "The grass is green and God is God." There has never been a time where I knew He was not present, and there has never been a time that I questioned the earth's creation and how it came to be. However, even though I've always been confident of His presence, I have not always been confident in my assurance of salvation. I had always believed that because I was not as biblically knowledgeable as others around me, especially my peers who grew up in this church, that I somehow was lacking God's acceptance.

For me to give you an exact date of my conversion would very difficult. I simply do not know the exact time in my life when I accepted Jesus Christ, because it has been a very gradual growth in the faith. However, experiences and milestones scattered throughout my life have been monumental in my maturity.

During a family conference when I was 14, I experienced a plea from a close family friend to come to the Lord. I thought I was already saved at that time, but there was something more significant about this day. I remember simply asking the Lord to give me the assurance I needed and to show me if I had been saved. When I was 16, I traveled with the youth of this church to the Dominican Republic on a mission trip to build a house for a pastor. This was the first time I had felt a strong desire for missions. When I was 18 and moved away to college, I struggled with loneliness and spiritual apathy, though I found that this was a time where I was forced to rely upon God as the only one that would never leave me or forsake me, like so many friends had already done. When I was 20 I moved to Orlando, Florida. The first year there was the most difficult time in my life. I struggled with severe depression and anxiety, and eventually came to a point where I was angry with God. The ironic thing about this anger was that it came from reading a popular Christian book that described the perfect attributes of God. "If God is so perfect, then where is He and why isn't He helping me?" I thought to myself. Despite this unexplainable anger, I still could not and did not deny Him, and He did not forsake me. Over months of counseling and prayer, I began to find myself being renewed and spiritually alive again.

Since 2000 on that first mission trip with this church, I have traveled to different countries and assisted short term mission teams to spread the Gospel. It has only been in the last year, since my most recent trip to Slovakia, that the Lord has completely turned my heart upside down about HOW I should serve Him. It has been in this past year that God has really opened my eyes to His goodness. He has used His calling for me to serve Him in missions to completely and totally depend on Him alone for direction and provision. I feel like I have surrendered my future and all of my plans to Him, so that I can use myself in whatever way He pleases. It has been a life-changing experience to sit in the passenger seat of my life.

It is only by the sheer grace of our Heavenly Father that I have been able to overcome my rebellion and anger against Him. There is no other logical explanation for me, or any of us to turn from sin, other than Jesus Christ and his abundant mercy. It is not by my own works or my own decisions. I am confident that the Enemy will continue to shake my confidence in the Lord until I die, and I know I will fall at times; but I believe that because Christ died on that tree, my salvation is assured, my future is in His hands, and nothing can take away that love from Jesus Christ.

Of All the Places I'll Miss the Most....

2008-10-18T20:30:00.004-04:00

...this is at the top of my list. Joe Van Gogh, AKA Cup a' Joe's coffee shop in Hillsborough, NC. Since I've been back in February, I've visited this place 1-3 times a week- to do fundraising, to read and relax, or just to stop in for a delicious cup of espresso. This place means a lot to me for three reasons- 1) Well, we've been through a lot together! On the days I didn't think I would make it back to SK and was lonely and depressed, on the great days everything was going well, and everything in between. I got to know the baristas and they always knew my drink- the same thing every time just about. Dylan would stamp my frequent drink card like 4 or 5 times for 1 drink 'cause I was nice to him and he was quitting soon. 2) The espresso was unbelievably good, especially for this area. It was such a comforting thing to soak up that strong, sweet, smooth espresso. 3) It's in a city that hardly anyone in my city travels to. Hillsborough has always been that "Why would I go there?" kind of places for me till I explored and found some excellent places. It's kind of a hole in the wall town, very cute. I would see many of the same people every time I went there and it made me, in a weird way, proud to live close to it.

Here's one seat I usually sat in...

So though this is probably boring for you to read, I felt compelled to pay tribute to my second favorite place back home (the first being Chestnut Ridge!). I will miss this place.

Here's one of my many frequent drink cards I racked up...

My Ticket

2008-10-17T22:27:00.004-04:00

Yes I know this is totally unnecessary and you all get the point that I'm leaving (or coming, depending on where you live)... but I just got this in the mail and I had to share it! Like I said, we got a crazy deal on this ticket- $492. That's INSANE because the CHEAPEST going rate for a one-way ticket to Bratislava is $1860!!! In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they threw me in the cargo area or told me my seat was actually the toilet. Either way, as long as me and my luggage get there I'll be fine. It makes me gitty to look at this :)

If I was brave enough to do 'spoken word', I'd speak this

2008-10-13T01:51:00.000-04:00

Once in a while I'll sing a hymn and not realize how awesome it is till I shutup and read it. I imagined someone reading this passionately, like in spoken word, and rediscovered how great it is. I encourage you to take a minute to read it slowly--much better that way.

"Be Still My Soul"

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

My New Point-&-Shoot

2008-10-10T15:57:00.004-04:00

I was going to write another ranting and raving serious blog entry about politics but I'll take a break and show you my new camera I just bought online instead. I've been thinking about a new little camera since I got a really really crappy one for my birthday (no offense, mom) and have been researching them for a while now. Anyway I wanted something that takes good pictures but doesn't cost as much as my Nikon D80, something I can throw in my backpack every day when I don't want to chance it with Big Mama. I almost went with the Nikon S60 which costs almost $200 MORE than the one I bought here, but after playing with it yesterday I decided that it was overpriced for the quality of picture it took (even though it was totally sexy). So here's the Nikon S600...10 mpx, 28mm lens.

Freedom, Influences and Love- Or Lack Thereof

2008-10-08T19:37:00.003-04:00

Can I just say something? Well... every time I think about my first sentence I have to think of another one because it's rude--which is kinda the reason I'm so upset. In an indirect way I just made my point. I grow weary of filtering everything I really want to say to people. I mean this as a general statement, even though I have a handful of specific conflicts I'm dealing with right now. One thing that makes conflicts so irritating is that we're so often not allowed to say what we really want- whether what we want to say is brutal honesty, swearing, or just emotional dialogue. We're always restraining ourselves to be the 'better person' or to act sweet.

I know this is Biblical, don't get me wrong, because the Bible talks about the use of the tongue and how we're supposed to restrain ourselves by holding the tongue. Actually, the Bible talks a lot about conflict resolution because conflicts happens all the time and our emotions are tied to them. But in a way, it doesn't make it that much easier sometimes. I live in a country where freedom of speech is advertised, and in a Christian culture where honesty is promoted....but if that's true, why am I never allowed to say what I really want to say? Does that say something about my sinful heart, is that just part of growing in my faith and disciplining my tongue, or does it say something about a Christian generation that is losing the visible fruits of the spirit that Paul speaks of?

I'm not going to vent nearly the amount that's on my chest, but I want to say something about my frustration I have with how difficult it is sometimes to be a Christian. And this is the part I really want to say, in hopes that I don't offend someone or have them question my morals--but what makes being a Christian so hard sometimes isn't "the world", it's other Christians. People who claim they live a life that's pleasing to God, all the while not living out what Jesus taught- to be gracious, forgiving each other, patient with each other, loving people, being peaceful and meek. Instead I see Christians who are too quick to jump on each other's backs in an unloving way, to gossip about each other, to blame shift and judge, to even verbally abuse each other, and my favorite- judging each other based on cultural expectations and traditions. It's like, I already know the world hates me as it did Jesus first, but sometimes I feel more hatred from Christians, which is the sad part. I think back on the times that someone has hurt me to the core of my heart, and it's sad to say that a lot of those relationships have been with Christians. I don't say any of that to bash Christians or Christianity at all, but I see a rift in what 21st century Christianity looks like compared to Biblical Christianity. Maybe the most hurtful part is that I expect that grace from people who claim to have it from Jesus Christ- where "the world" does not.

Personally, I've grown up with two opposite influences- extremely ultra-conservative and extremely ultra-liberal or pagan. Neither are good, and I still have evidence of both sides of this mindset. Most kids grow up with one or the other for the most part, but I've had equal amounts of both. I can tell you first hand that this causes difficulty for people like me who try to shake off bad influences from their childhood to grow in the faith. It's hard- let me repeat that- IT'S HARD. I know some of you, my friends, grew up in similar circumstances and I empathize with you. People who have grown up around a totally Christian family in a Christian home and school and friends don't understand this. They don't know what it means to be influenced heavily by a pagan family and friends, which explains why most of them don't understand why Christians like me have a hard time with certain sins. I don't even care if people understand it, I'm not asking that- and I'm not asking to not be held accountable for visible sins or to have freedom in my sin- but what I AM asking is that people have a little more understanding and patience with other Christians who are on a different page than you--no matter what that looks like. I don't claim perfection, I claim Christ who forgives me of my shortcomings.

Sorry if this offends you.

Motion Sickness and Other Embarassing Moments

2008-10-06T23:51:00.003-04:00

Recently I've once again been reminded of my feeble human body. Of the many things I've discovered that have been passed down from my dad, the most recent thing I've discovered has been negative- which has been rare. Pennsylvania (and upstate NY) roads are different than the roads I'm used to. They're curvier, windier (are these real words?) and somehow faster feeling. They go up and down and around very quickly. Well my body doesn't like these roads when I'm not the one driving, it seems. In fact I've discovered that I am one of those people who get carsick! Ugh... what a pain. After the first time of getting sick, my aunt yelled, "Your father used to get carsick!!" which I never knew, and went on to tell me stories of how terribly sick he'd get with them.

The only other time I've been carsick was when my friend Abby zoomed me up the mountain roads in Chattanooga, TN. I heard that this problem develops over time when you get older, and it did. So my entire vacation in PA I was carsick on and off. I felt nauseous, lightheaded, and dizzy. So on one of the trips we went to go get something to eat. My cousin has a hummer and I started to get sick while driving- so he let me drive it coming back home! It was pretty sweet. Anyway, I hope this doesn't happen in Slovakia on their country roads cause I won't have my license and wouldn't be able to drive even if I wanted to.

Other embarrassing moment: I was boarding the plane tonight, and my seat was the very first one on the left. I took my book bag off while ducking to sit down and something crazy happened- my bag (which weighs probably 30 lbs. with books and my computer) got caught on my earring! So I set it down and bring my head down to the chair, trying to work it out. It doesn't. I had a hot cup of coffee in my hands and with my head sideways by the seat I ask a fancy businessman to hold my cup. At the same time a cute Indian guy across the row cuts in front of everyone and helps me get my earring out...which holds up the line of EVERYone boarding the plane cause I'm in the front seat. THEN the flight attendant comes over and tugs the crap out of my ear which hurt--this goes on for at least 2 or 3 full minutes which felt like 30. We eventually get it out and realize that the tiny hole in the "handle" which pulls the zipper down got stuck around the screwed in ball of my earring...so we had to unscrew the ball. Anyway, kinda embarassing.

Off topic- does looking at old photos ever make you either really sad or really joyful about something? My aunt Sheryl showed me a bunch of old pictures and I think it's interesting how different pictures gave me such strong feelings about different things. Hmmm...

Blood and Fainting

2008-09-29T21:12:00.005-04:00

I had two "first experiences" today, and without trying to make a big deal out of either of them, I want to tell you about what happened cause it was the only really interesting thing to happen to me in a while. First, I gave blood for the first time. I've never been able to because of the African countries that I had visited. I wasn't looking forward to it, but decided to just shutup and do it anyway for the "general good". So I get there and do all the paperwork and sit down in the chair, put on my sweatshirt and hat and turned up really really angry rock music as I prepared to get poked with an enormous hollow needle. I usually make jokes with doctors because I hate being there and especially getting poked and it's my way of coping with it.

So I sit and watch the needle enter my skin and it doesn't feel so great. But the stupid woman couldn't find my vein, so she DIGS the needle a little further and moves it around a bit to find the vein. That angry music is fitting in well now. For like 10 minutes I had to sit there and move this thing around my hand so the blood would flow faster, and it REALLY felt weird---though kinda cool to see my blood flow out.

So whatever, I get done, chit chat with some other people from my chuch and walk to the cookie table. All is well, no problem. I sit down and ask for a diet coke as I look upon the feast of cookies, and especially the peanut butter cookies. I start talking to this guy beside me. He asks how I did and I said good.

Now here comes my second "first time" thing. After I said good, I suddenly felt like crap, like a wave, and I said, "ACTUALLY, I don't feel good!" as I started to lower my head a little. My head went cold and tingly and it felt like someone was pushing me down from my shoulders.

What seemed like the next morning after a long night's sleep, I opened my eyes and everything was blurry. I saw about 7 or 8 dark circular objects in my view. I closed my eyes and thought I was dreaming---opened them wide, and still saw the objects. I couldn't hear anything either. I was lying on my back and mny feet were straight up in the air, being held by a doctor. My vision began to clear and I started to hear something.

"Cough!!" I looked at somebody like they were insane. "COUGH!" she said. So I coughed, not knowing why. I started to hear and see more. All these people were gathered around me, staring at me. I couldn't move for a minute- I had no idea where I was or how I got there--seriously, no lie! It took about 15 or 20 seconds for me to figure out that I had passed out. I eventually had the strength to sit down in a chair and I sat there for like 45 mintes, drinking, eating and making jokes about me fainting till I got normal again. I gotta tell ya, it was the WEIRDEST feeling ever!

I still feel really weird and weak though! Like, all during dinner, an hour after it happened, I couldn't form sentences to my parents well. Anyway, so even though it kinda sucked to get poked and felt really out-of-body and surreal to faint, at least I can now say that I've done these things and I couldn't say that before!

They're Just Not That Into You

2008-09-29T15:09:00.003-04:00

I once heard of this book called, "He's Just Not That Into You". It's written for women who can't take a hint from men when they try to give hints to the women that they don't hate them, they're just not that into them. It's not anything terrible against the woman, it's just that there wasn't a connection, no "chemistry", and it talks about signs you may notice from a man who's maybe trying to communicate that without hurting your feelings.

I've never read this book, mind you, maybe because I read into hints a bit too much - or, I 'take the hint' maybe too easily.

But this idea connects to my single most annoying trait about myself. I hate it, and if you're my friend you probably hate it even more than I do. My problem is that I can't get over things quickly when someone hurts my feelings. I've recently realized that this trait must run in the family, because my mother and sister are the exact same way.

Someone may hurt my feelings, or something stinky happens, and sometimes I won't be able to "get over it" for days and days. This anger or grief makes me literally shut down to the point of extreme laziness and apathy. Sometimes, unless that person apologizes or the situation has been resolved, I easily hold grudges for a long time. I don't mind forgiving people, but if that person doesn't apologize then it's a different story.

Like today for example... a supposed "good friend" proved to me that they didn't want to her about my mission to Slovakia, by requesting to be taken off my e-mail newsletter. To most people this is not a big deal--but to ME, this says they don't want to hear about the most important thing in my life right now, and they simply don't care about it. They're just not that into me and what I'm doing.... which makes it hard for me to break this pattern of noticing that a large portion of people I know just don't give a crap.

Maybe I've read into to it too much, but this is part of why I, Ande, am so annoying because I'm too darn sensitive. Maybe I'm this way because all my life I've been told to basically "Shutup and get over it" for EVERY THING that hurt and my brain is finally like- yeah well I'm NOT gonna get over it, and instead I'm going to complain about it to myself for days just to rebel!

Grrr....I had to get that off my chest, thanks!

Another 3 Bite the Dust

2008-09-26T22:49:00.002-04:00

For some unknown reason, I think I have entrepreneurship running in my veins. I haven't been able to really bloom in the field, because well, you usually need hundreds of thousands of dollars to start something big like I want. But since I was young I started gathering information about businesses, how they work, what works and what fails, etc. I've also kept an attentive eye on businesses around the city I live in.

In Mebane, North Carolina, business is hard for most. Since I can remember I would see businesses come and go, and come and go. Just in the past 3-4 days I've seen 3 businesses bite the dust and go out of business. One is a coffee shop, another is a used crap store, and another a coffee roaster. I've been watching and waiting for these to go out and it's absolutely no surprise to me that this happened. The coffee shop had terrible coffee, the used crap store...well, what used crap store WOULD stay in business?...and the coffee roaster never advertised.

I don't understand why people start businesses without putting enough thought, research and investment in it. I wonder if it's a southern thing, or a moronic thing? My friend commented on a bakery she works and and said, "They're from the North, they know how to do it and do it right." It's sad really, to see so many stupid people investing their life savings into stupid ideas and ruining their finances for the rest of their lives. My family was one of those businesses that failed in Mebane, resulting in completely ruining us, almost to the point of bankrupcy. It's sad. So the fact that some day, some how, some way, I'd still love to own a business, should either be telling you that I'm a stubborn idiot who will fail, or I've got something better to offer than the places that fail. We'll see what paths my life lead I guess.

So, moral of the story? Don't start a business unless you've done your research, and don't start a business in Mebane.

My Online Store

2008-09-22T00:26:00.002-04:00

So here's my online store I'm working on. It's NOT official or public yet because I'm putting stuff up here for The Building and it hasn't been approved by the coordinators for public use (or at all). I don't want to get in trouble for putting this up! I'm experimenting with it for the future, but you can see my progress :) Enjoy. http://www.cafepress.com/fizzmedia

Why Did You Move to NC?

2008-09-21T14:47:00.003-04:00

So many people have been asking me that question since I moved back to Mebane. So for those of you reading this that still don't know the answer to that, I will explain it...

I got fired for going on this mission back to Slovakia. They gave me an extended grace period of 4 weeks because they needed to use me so I could finish some important projects. This "Christian" organization fired me because they didn't like the idea that they didn't have the upper hand and I could leave whenever I raised enough support. My lease ended on my apartment on that exact same week. So with no job and nowhere to live, I could have either stayed in Orlando, found another job, found another apartment (both of which wouldn't have worked because I had NO idea how long I would have been in the country), and somehow worked full time plus raising support.... OR I could have moved home with little to no rent, got a very flexible job and spent more time raising support. To me, the choice was easy. So I hope that answers everyone's question. I just wanted to clear that up :)

Stupid beach...

2008-09-18T22:46:00.003-04:00

I just want to say that I don't like the beach very much, and I'm not ashamed to say it. I've been going to the beach for 25 years, more than once a year and ya know what, I'm not a fan. I don't hate every part of it- like going out at night when it cools down to get seafood, shopping in the little skanky beach stores, going out a little ways to chill in the sea, or sitting on the patio watching the waves. That's all well and good. What I hate is the sand, sweat and salt all mixed together with this guilty feeling of obligation to be on the beach with everyone else who's enjoying it much more than I am. I don't like carrying arm loads of crap just in order to sit on the beach and make ourselves less uncomfortable and then carrying it all back after it's been covered in sand and salt. I just got back from "vacation" with my family and I gotta say, I'm just not into it. I don't enjoy myself. I'd rather be in the mountains or pretty much anywhere else.

Tarantulas

2008-09-13T13:21:00.002-04:00

(This post is especially so Craig can cringe...) A few nights ago I was watching the National Geographic channel, right? And a show came on about crazy animals that people around the world eat... okay, a little nasty, but nothing too crazy. Well then before I know it, they show a little toddler eating a tarantula! Not just like, with a fork and a knife on a plate, daintily picking it apart. No, this baby is digging into a tarantula like a birthday cake, with its' 8 legs wrapped around the kids cheeks.

If you don't know this about me yet, I am petrified of spiders and especially big ones and especially tarantulas...no joke. If you want to literally torture me, put one of them on me and tie me up. So it took me about .4 seconds of watching this happen on TV before my brain sent a signal to my finger to switch the channel. Three days later I still can't get that image out of my head! So I've had at least two dreams with tarantulas in the past few days. Last night in my dream I was down in my basement (creepy) and saw them crawling everywhere, which made me freak out when I woke up.

Anyway, they haunt me. I hate them. I wish they were never created.

Voice of a Lion

2008-09-11T15:36:00.003-04:00

I often wonder to myself why God has ordained that I have been in Mebane all these months that I didn't want. I soon figured out that I must be here for some reason and God's hand was working in it, even though I kicked and screamed like a toddler being dragged into the dentists office. I won't mention publicly the majority of what my real thoughts are on this matter, simply because it's public and people take things the wrong way, especially when they don't understand things.

But I will say that I was very cautious about coming back to my home church in Mebane for an extended period of time. Not only becuase of past experiences but because what am doing and what I asked of the church was something they were very cautious to give me.... support for missions.

In short, I would say that one of the biggest reasons I can see that God has kept me here "against my will" is so that He would open my eyes up to what a good church is... not a perfect church, but a good church. I have seen more reform taking place in the past 9 months than my entire life in this community, and it's very encouraging. One of the biggest things I've noticed is the preaching. Now, this may be due to the fact that my spiritual maturity has increased since I was 18 and regularly attending the services--and it may also be due to the fact that I see a change in how my pastor is teaching.

I won't go into detail because what I really wanted to say is, in my own little head, a bit humerous. My pastor, Gary Hendrix, has the best voice you could ask for in a pastor. It's deep, manly and wellspoken. Some days his voice is so powerful that I am almost waiting for him to stop mid-sentence and growl like a lion in battle. It's so great, especially when he starts to get very passionate about a subject. He's a man that you believe... not in an unhealthy way, like I believe everything he says regardless of content, but he's so logical and passionate about what he's talking about. Anyway, I'm in the middle of listening to one of his sermons right now, this one: http://www.grbc.net/sermons/browse.php?sermon_id=6826 and I would highly recommend checking it out. When I get to Slovakia, I plan on listening to his sermons (hopefully live) so that I can continue to be spiritually fed.

Check him out- he's the MAN.

2008-09-07T22:56:00.003-04:00

I'm beginning to see the real face of media for what it really is. I'm starting to see not only the entire conglomerate media world, but the real people behind it who have formed itself into a big manipulative steaming poopball (kinda like a snowball but not so nice).

The incredible amount of influence that the media has on 99% of the world's population is astounding. The media and its' biased yet dogmatic opinion rules the world over all wars, politics, movies, politicians, music, and anything else left open to public dispute or interpretation. The problem is that the media consists of almost all liberals! Everyone already knows that though- no new news.

But what makes that so frustrating for me is coming to the realization that for the rest of my life I will be made fun of by the media, which is everywhere. Because I am a conservative Republican Christian, I will never get a break from being made fun of by someone out there until I die. It's hard to be surrounded by this cloud of mockery for everything I believe. (This will need another entry another day about being a Christian!) Not only will I get made fun of for being a republican who thinks Obama is a dangerous threat to our nation, but I will be inundated with media propaganda that makes him out to be a savior! It's astonishing to sit and watch U.S. TV for a little while and see how the news reporters react to Obama, versus say, McCain or Palin. They look for any opportunity to tear the republicans to shreds while they look for any opportunity to make Obama be faultless. We were watching an interview with Obama's sister tonight and my step dad noticed that they fixed her statement by snipping the video clips to line up out of order, totally changing the intent of what she was saying about Obama, making him out to look good instead of a racist.

Another example is hearing of a famous Hollywood actor (name slipped my mind at the moment) who wrote a public letter stating that he would not support Obama and why. He has been "blacklisted" from Hollywood - anyone else picturing Big Brother in 1984? Thought crimes against the libral Democratic party, much?

The media is influential and wants to woo you to its' liberal agenda and we can't let it. It's an implicit, manipulative force. If you're feeling hopeless about American media these days like me, I would recommend tuning in to a little Glen Beck. www.glenbeck.com I don't feel like I've really gotten my point across because it's late and I'm a bit woozy, so consider this the first installment of my frustration. :)

(My) Best 15 Albums of All Time

2008-09-01T13:12:00.013-04:00

Before you read this list, I want to give a disclaimer. I am not saying that these are the best, most well produced and most talented albums of all time. That would be a massive claim for some of these. These albums were all produced between 1990 and 2000- as much of the music I love was produced between 1994 and 1996- a great time in music history. I've compiled a list of albums that have stood my test of time of 10 years--except 3 of them were produced in 2000. Each one of them has had a huge influence on me, both lyrically and musically. In a way, they've helped shape my musical tastes, and their lyrics have also shaped a lot of my mentality while growing up. I know the words to almost every song of each album and I love every song in the album as well, literally! Every time I hear these albums I am automatically happy and feel at home. So if you're not familiar with these, check em out. Oh, and notice I say albums and not bands- that's because not all the bands' albums are as good as the ones I've listed. If you don't like em, that's okay, I always will! :)

Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill (1995) (Rock/Pop)
Though perhaps a bit feminist at times, Alanis' lyrics were raw, honest and downright in your face. Over the past 10 years I've related to different songs at different times and screamed them in my car to many different people who made me feel like a pile of dung. Her style was something I didn't enjoy after this album, so this one is my classic.
Bob Marley - Legend (1990) (Reggae)
No Woman, No Cry was the 3rd song on the guitar I ever learned. Get Up, Stand Up I think is very anti-Church which I've recently realized and don't agree with. All in all, the best reggae artist ever.
Cake - Fashion Nugget (1996)
Unlike any other band I've ever heard, Cake's unique guitar and vocal personalities must at least force you to say "Wow, that's unique", whether you enjoy the music or not. His voice is solid and confident. This is their best album.

Coldplay - Parachutes (2000) (Pop/Rock)
The first time I heard the song Yellow, it was in a TV commercial and I was sitting around with some friends hanging out watching That 70's Show. When Yellow came on, I stopped talking and stared at the screen, being interrupted by a friend (Joe) who said, "Ande likes this song doesn't she?" Needless to say, they got my attention quickly. After seeing them in concert I will say that they stand up to their name as well. Their other albums are just as good.
Cranberries - To the Faithful Departed (1996) (Rock/pop)
Not all of the Cranberries' songs are that great, but this album is fantastic, along with Everyone Else is Doing it so Why Can't We? and especially No Need to Argue. Everything after that sucked, in my opinion. I always admired Delores' voice, even though their guitar playing was very elementary (maybe a reason I loved them while I learned the guitar).
Dave Matthews Band - Crash (1996) (Jam band/folk/acoustic)
The Dave Matthews Band is one of those bands that have both changed my music world and also really disappointed me as well. Everything up until their 2001 album of Every Day was incredible. Seriously- every song was so good. After Every Day, their albums went downhill quickly. I hate their new style and won't buy another album from them again. But I will always appreciate them for their first 5 albums. By the way, there are a few decent songs on their later albums, including Grey Street, The Space Between, and Where Are You Going.
Jars of Clay - Flood (1995) (Christian acoustic/folk)
This was the first concert I ever went to, and I think it was in 1995. This is an album that we would always play in the family cd player while growing up. It was a really well produced album with the money and exposure they had. However, I think every other album Jars of Clay did was not nearly as great as this one. I don't expect to buy another album of theirs either. This one's great though.
Jewel - Pieces of You (1995) (Acoustic/Folk)
Absolutely love this album. It has had a HUGE influence on my acoustic guitar playing and gave me a segway into real folk music. Her lyrics are not always pretty- they're raw and sometimes hard to hear- but wow, talk about honesty. A perfect example of this is in the song Amen:
"Pieces of us die everyday as though our flesh were hell, Such injustice, as children we are told that from God we fell, Where are my angels? Where's my golden one? Where's my hope now that my heros have gone? Some are being beaten, some are being born And some can't tell the difference anymore." I believe you can still appreciate someone's honesty yet not agree with them. This album taught me that.
Led Zeppelin - I, II, III, & IV (1994) (Classic Rock)
Zeppelin, without argument, has been the most influential rock band in my life. I learned how to play the guitar by listening to them and being forced (by Adam Levorse!) to figure out their songs by ear. Seeing them live by DVD is amazing, and seeing any tribute bands justly play their music is equally amazing. Their talent stuns me. I don't love every single one of their songs, but they have absolutely changed my music world.
Nickel Creek - Self Titled (2000) (Folk/Bluegrass)
A friend named Phillip from summer camp one year was talking to me about music. He found out I had never heard of Nickel Creek, as I was not into bluegrass at the time, and in a hurry he rushed me outside to his car so I could listen to it. As I sat in the middle of 2 guys, he sang the songs with his soft voice. My musical world was never the same :) Nickel Creek has been the single biggest folk and bluegrass influence in my life. Their lyrics have moved me, their instruments have inspired me to play the mandolin and banjo, and their age has encouraged me to not wait until you're old to be good. All of their albums are fantastic, though their latest one, Why Should the Fire Die, is maybe my least favorite. They're broken up now and each have pursued their own personal musical goals.
Phish - Billy Breathes (1996) (Jam band)
The first time I heard Phish I didn't like them. I find that's the case in almost all of my favorite bands. Jaime Porco introduced them to me in our 11th grade English class and I soon fell in love. Phish is one of those bands I believe you either hate or love. I love. :) With almost a 70's jam band feel, it's unlike most music you've ever heard. Their other albums are also fantastic, but if you're going to start with one, start with this one.
Radiohead - The Bends (1995) (Rock)
This was another album that really changed how I viewed rock bands. I believe The Bends is their most toned down album, and if you're new to Radiohead, I would recommend starting with this one. Their other albums are amazing, which is why Radiohead still stands today! Their albums, though so so different from eachother, still are unique and well produced enough with their creativity to NOT lend fans like me to think, "Wow, they've sold out".
Sarah McLauchlan - Surfacing (1997) (Relaxing?)
I don't know how to catagorize Sarah McLachlan because she's in a league of her own. She has the most soothing voice I've ever heard. She's talented in playing the guitar and the piano as well. ALL of her albums are incredibly good and I never tire of her voice- even though some people get weary of it being too breathy or weak.
Skillet - Hey You I Love Your Soul (1998) (Christian Rock)
This may be their least known album, but Skillet and ALL of their albums have changed my view, or sustained my view that there IS good Christian rock out there. This particular album cover looks cheesy, sorry, but their music is good. Their self-titled album is much more acoustic, and as they go on in their career, it has grown more and more "heavy metal" or hard rock--making a pitstop in electronica type tones for a while. They've been going for a long time, losing band members ever so often, but never ceasing to rock the house. I've seen them in concert more than any other band out there- at least 12 or 15 times. They're awesome!!
100 Portraits and Waterdeep - Enter the Worship Circle (Christian Acoustic/Folk)
Another band that when I first heard I hated. I thought it was very cheesy and "Christian". After listening to it a few dozen times, I realized how incredibly honest and "Christian" it was, but in a good way! It's basically a group of people around a microphone with their acoustic instruments, praising God and dripping with honest praise. They're on their 4th circle now, but I haven't bought the last one yet. In all 3 albums, there are only about 3 songs I really don't like. Other than that, they've been a great worship influence.
So there you have it- my favorite 15 albums ever to this date. What are some of your favorite albums of all time?

Sophia's First Glamor Shot

2008-09-01T00:15:00.000-04:00

Sophia Marie Smith

2008-08-29T09:55:00.003-04:00

My friend just had her baby!! Woohoo! Sophia Marie Smith was born last night at 12:54 am, weighing 6.72 pounds. Alyssa had no complications, which is such an answer to prayer. I'll post a photo as soon as I get one. Sucks I can't be there!

Whether we ask for it or not...

2008-08-26T13:54:00.002-04:00

Ever heard a song, quote, or verse a thousand times but never really soaked it in? I've heard the song "O Love that will not let me go" so many times, played it, and led it in worship. But it wasn't till I was zoning out at work last week, cooking for a few hundred in a REALLY fowl mood (seems to be a trend lately)...that I started singing this song in my head. And for some reason I only sang "O joy that seekest me through pain".

What struck me about this sentence was how it was worded. How the joy seeks ME. I don't seek the joy. Almost like when I don't feel like seeking God, HE seeks ME. How incredible is that! Who are WE to be sought after by the Almighty Father?! And yet He loves us to no end.

So then I pulled up the song lyrics and though even though all of the lyrics are great, the first line of every verse is amazing. Listen, and allow me to capitalize some words:

O Love that WILL NOT LET ME GO...
O light that FOLLOWEST all MY way...
O Joy that SEEKEST ME through pain...
O Cross that LIFTEST up MY head...

I honestly get choked up when I read this. The idea of the Lord pursuing ME...not letting me go...following me...seeking me...lifting up my head... This idea of the Lord being a personal, intimate and loving God. It reminds me of the verse, "I will never leave you or forsake you", one of my favorite verses in Scriptures.

What kinds of songs or verses that you know make your soul warm?

See Where I Work, Where I love

2008-08-25T11:28:00.003-04:00

Friends, I invite you to see my favorite place in North Carolina. This is where I've worked for 3 years, moved away, came back, and have been working since I've been back in North Carolina. This has been my place of sanity and of friends- it's been a place that has changed my life, from the very first day I started work until now. I was a counselor for those 3 years, working mostly year-round as well as in summer camp, fulfilling "normal" counselor duties as well as low ropes course, some high ropes course, kayaking, horse back riding, environmental education, initiative games, rock climbing and white water rafting, backpacking, tent camping, etc.

Since I've been back this year I have mostly been one of the cooks since I couldn't dedicate enough time or mental effort into being a counselor. Even though it's an unglamorous and dirty job, it has even taught me a lot about not only myself, but more about the camp and what we believe. Even in the kitchen we believe in eating as much fresh, local, healthy food as possible. We believe in using food scraps to feed other animals, like our pigs, goats, and even our worms! Yes, I grind up compostable scraps in the blender for our worms. We believe in being a steward of the land and of our bodies! We are even starting to grow a substantial amount of the food that we serve. In every aspect of camp we strive to serve God. I can't say enough good things about this place. (www.campchestnutridge.org)

Anyway, here's a link to some videos that they've made over the summer. It gives you a pretty good look into what camp life is all about!

- Click on Summer Camp 08'
- then Weekly Videos

http://www.campchestnutridge.org/index.php?option=com_expose&Itemid=109

B, double E, double R, U, N, beer run, beer run

2008-08-23T22:43:00.004-04:00

So I went to a beer festival tonight. It had over 160 beers available, though I only had time to taste about 40 of them. 40 sounds like a lot, and I guess it is, but I had about a shot or so of each one so I didn't get too much. Below is a list of what I drank in order of what I liked the best with my rating next to it if you're interested...yes, I took notes like a nerd. I almost didn't get in because it was sold out online- so I had to stand outside the gates with my finger in the air, hoping someone could sell me their extra ticket. After like 20 minutes I finally found someone- and it was a bit pricey, but I'm glad I was able to experience so many different types of beer. I feel a bit more cultured :)

It was an interesting environment, to say the least. At times it felt like a phrat party because of all the condoms that people had blown up like balloons and the obnoxious college kids. We were given a tasting glass that was bigger than a shot glass, smaller than a regular glass. People kept dropping them on accident, so my favorite part of the atmosphere was when people would drop them it would shatter on the floor and everyone in the stadium (thousands of people!) would scream and shout at one time and point at the person who dropped it. Funny stuff.
Frankiskaner Weissber - 5+ (this one was great, a faint clove/ginger aftertaste)
Ace Perry Cider - 5+ (sweet, but fabulous)
Woodchuck - Red Apple Ale - 5+ (sweet and perfect, makes me want the fall)
Starr Hill - The Love - 5+ (refreshing clove aftertaste)
Hoegarden - 5+ (very freshing and unique)
Milk Stout - 5+ (dark ale, with almost a slight hint of nutty/coffee almost, very smooth)
Bell's Oberon Ale - 5
The Poet - 5
Leinenkugel's Honey - 5
St. Pauli's - Dark Ale - 5
Dogfish Head - Festina Peche - 5 (fabulous!)
Liberty Steakhouse - Blackberry wheat - 5
Saranac Pomegranate - 4.5
Urfass - 4.5
Woodchuck - Pear - 4.5
Boddingtons - 4.5 (very smooth, not too fizzy)
Shock Top - 4.5
Highland - Cattail Peak Wheat - 4.5 (very nice)
Saranac Pumpkin - 4 (would be great on a fall day)
Thomas Creek - Vanilla Pale Ale - 4
Redbridge - 4
Allagash - 4 (very interesting and unique flavor)
Tarrapin Golden - 4
Fokkers - 3.5
Mendecino - Eye of the Hawk - 3.5
Red Oak - Battlefield Dark - 3.5
Highland - Oatmeal Stout - 3.5
Flying Dog - Horn Dog Barley - 3
French Broad - Gateway Kolsch - 3
Carolina Blonde - 3 (too hopsy)
Leinenkugel's Berry - 3 (too sweet)
Twisted Tea - 3 (too sweet)
White Wolf - 2.5
Duck Rabbit - Milk Stout - 2.5
Rocket Girl - 2
Seigneviale - 2 (too malty)
Dale's Pale Ale - (nasty!!!)
Salvation - 1
Chocolate Stout - 1

Cookbook With No Recipes

2008-08-22T22:52:00.005-04:00

I have a rhetorical question to ask you, as I sincerely want your opinion. (Mind you, if I don't like your opinion, I may choose to disregard it...ha!)

I've seen a trend in the home cooking world of women and men who are afraid to cook because they either don't have a recipe, don't like using recipes, hate following recipes, or don't have everything in a recipe they need. I mostly see that people just don't want to go through the hassle of cooking because they don't even want to bother with them.

I hate recipes. Well... okay, they're useful for some things, like baking. In baking you have to be precise and use perfect measurements because once it goes in the oven it better be right.

But there are so many types of dishes out there that simply don't require recipes. These are the things I love to cook because it allows culinary and artistic freedom. But not everyone likes, wants, or has enough confidence in their cooking skills to do this.

So here's your question: what do you think about a "cook book" that has no recipes in it? Let me explain. A book designed to teach people how to cook without recipes- to not be dependent on recipes- to use their brain, and with a little guidance and advice, make dishes on your own. Maybe have a list of ingredients, explain things about the dish- what kind of consistency it should have, basic cooking techniques, you know... but leaving the portions and stuff out of it. To me, this is what cooking is all about, using your brain and being creative according to your own preferences because most dishes don't need a recipe.

I don't know if I'm explaining myself well. But imagine the book being professionally published with slick photography of all the food on each page- and even pictures of the dish as it's being put together.

Do you think this is ridiculously stupid, or do you think it has any potential to be cool? Is this relevant to both clueless wives and mothers who don't know how to cook, singles who hate to cook, and recipe-dependent cooks?....or is it just silliness?

WT Dealio!?

2008-08-21T03:03:00.002-04:00

It's 3 a.m. and I'm wide awake. What's up with that? This is the 3rd night in a row I couldn't get to sleep. What amazes me is that I'm so tired and beat down during the day but when it's time to sleep I'm awake!

Unfortunately my mind is just going a mile a minute sometimes. I've been having a hard time lately- I guess in the past few weeks. It comes and goes. I just walk around mad all day, with shot nerves and a hasty temper. I dropped a container of black beans (CRAP I just forgot I never cleaned that up) in the walk-in fridge at work today, and in the other hand I had a perfectly round white onion, resembling a baseball, that was just screaming to be thrown and smashed against the wall. But you'd be proud- I just took a breath and kept working on getting the meal on. Come to think of it, I've been wanting to throw a lot of things lately. I guess it's more like feeling like I've been on the verge of tears/a breakdown for long time. I hate that feeling! Gosh! Part of me is so incredibly tired of breathing/dreaming/working on raise support. It's exhausting. I keep thinking, "Okay God, I've learned my lesson, I get it- now can I go?" and maybe that attitude is exactly why I'm not there yet. Who knows. A while back my preacher said something in his sermon that struck me. In a sermon about love (it was a GREAT series, btw), he said, "God just wants us to cry out for Him!". I've been thinking about that off and on since he said it makes me want to just stop and cry out for Him instead of trying to be independent and strong. I have no point to prove with Him, and I don't need to impress Him. Yet, I wonder why it's so hard for us stubborn humans to do this?

Random note: I just found out Bernie Mac died- that really sucks...but on the other hand, it's not fair for me to get too bent out of shape about it when thousands of people die every day around the world.

Anyway, I'm going to to go try and force my eyelids shut now. Peace out dawgs.

A Door Handle and String???

2008-08-20T00:37:00.002-04:00

Any of you ever watch Good Eats with Alton Brown? One of my favorite cooking shows- tell you why later. One night I was watching the show and he used a door knob and piece of string for something. He tied one end to one of the holes, and the other end to the other hole. I think it might have been with meat?? I don't know. But I'm racking my brain trying to remember what the heck he used that for. I know it's a long shot, but do you any of you know what he could have used that for, or have seen that episode? Haha.. Google couldn't help me.

A 10 Year Song

2008-08-19T13:51:00.003-04:00

Have you ever had a song in your head for 10 years? No, that's crazy, right? Am I the only one who has? It's not in my head ALL the time... but I'm not exaggerating that I have sung this song to myself since 1998. Pras, ODB and Mya did this song called Ghetto Superstar and it's so stinking catchy, that it's the only song that has ever been fumbling around up there for this long.

And I found this band I kinda like- http://www.myspace.com/stars.

Giving Hymns Some Credit

2008-08-15T11:23:00.003-04:00

Ya know, people can say what they want about hymns- how they don't evoke emotion and they're dull.... but how many modern praise songs that you know of are as lyrically rich and thoughtful as hymns like Ah, Holy Jesus, How Hast Thou Offended and others like it? When we were singing this in church the other day, I kept thinking how cool this would sound if someone performed it like spoken word.

Ah, holy Jesus, how hast thou offended,
That man to judge thee hath in hate pretended?
By foes derided, by thine own rejected,
O most afflicted.

Who was the guilty? who brought this upon thee?
Alas, my treason, Jesus, hath undone thee.
'Twas I, Lord Jesus, I it was denied thee:
I crucified thee.

Lo, the good Shepherd for the sheep is offered:
The slave hath sinned, and the Son hath suffered:
For man's atonement, while he nothing heedeth,
God intercedeth.

For me, kind Jesus, was thine incarnation,
Thy mortal sorrow, and thy life's oblation:
Thy death of anguish and thy bitter passion,
For my salvation.

Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay thee,
I do adore thee, and will ever pray thee
Think on thy pity and thy love unswerving,
Not my deserving.

Please, please get to the point before I strangle something cute

2008-08-15T11:03:00.004-04:00

Another pet peeve I've run into lately: When I'm having a conversation with someone and they're telling a story about something and they spend half of the time trying to remember details of the story that are not important, whatsoever. And I sit there not knowing whether I should help them try to remember the stupid unimportant detail or change the subject or just be silent. And I don't want to interrupt them and say "I really don't care about that particular detail because it doesn't have any significance in the story!" but I don't want to be rude either.

To illustrate my point I will make up a conversation...

"Ande! You wouldn't believe what just happened to me!"
"What happened?"
"Well I was driving down the highway, it was like 3 o'clock..or was it 3:05....maybe more like 3:02 because I drove past the bank and saw the sign with the time on it a few minutes before and it was 2:59. What bank was that? Wachovia? No it must be 1st South Bank. I'm not sure but it was sometime around 3:02 and I was driving down the highway and this huge red truck came up beside me. Well actually it was more like a purple than a red, but in the light it looked red but in the shadows it looked purple. I wonder how much a paint job like that costs? I need a paint job on my car cause I scratched it last week when I scraped up against a tree- not sure if it was oak or a magnolia tree though. So this red/purple truck drove up beside me and threw a huge take-out bag of food out their window from....hmmm what restaurant was that from? I want to say McDonald's because I saw the red and yellow but then again, Burger King has red and yellow on their bag too so I'm really not sure where the bag was a from, but I know it was from a burger place because when the bag went out the window it fell on my windshield and I definitely saw some scraps of beef on my window that looked like a hamburger. But actually....."

I could keep going but I'm sure by now you're getting my point. Does this annoy the poo out of anyone else but me?

Due to Popular Demand...

2008-08-13T12:15:00.000-04:00

Ande's Peanut Butter Cookies of Peace and Goodness

2 Sticks UNsalted butter
2 Eggs
1 t. Vanilla
1 cup Sugar
1 cup Brown sugar
1 cup Peanut butter
2 cups Flour
1 t. Baking soda
1 1/2 cup Dark (or milk) chocolate chips
1 cup White chocolate chips
1 cup Peanut butter chips
1/2 cup Toffee chips
1 1/2 cups Crushed peanuts

Preheat oven to 350*. In a bowl, cream together butter, eggs, vanilla, sugar and peanut butter. Add flour and soda, and fold ingredients together with a spoon. Add all chips and peanuts. (Add or subtract whatever type and quantity chips you prefer). Spoon onto greased baking sheet. Bake for about 12 minutes, or until the tops become slightly golden brown. Don't overcook! Eat warm with a hearty glass of cold milk. Repeat.

Renee's Navy Survival

2008-08-12T10:17:00.003-04:00

For those of you who don't know, this is my step-sister Renee and she entered the U.S. Navy earlier this year. She graduated from boot camp and is now in A-School. After school she's going to be transferred to wherever the Navy needs her. She wanted to be in Russian translation but it's looking like that probably won't happen because of some unforeseeable events.

I just got this picture of her and I think it accurately represents her mood right now. She called me last night saying how much bullcrap she's going through every day. The people are hard to deal with because they keep making new restrictions and rules because the sailors keep getting into trouble. This, among other things, made her try to quit yesterday....but they wouldn't let her! So she has to stay in for a while.

Please pray for her endurance and patience! She needs to stay in, and as hard as it is, it's really good for her. There's a slight possibility that she'd get stationed in Italy (not likely), but if she does, I have to find a way to go see her while in SK somehow....even if I have to sneak out in the middle of the night ;)

Annoyances...

2008-08-12T00:51:00.006-04:00

Recently I've been reminded of 3 particular pet peeves because I've been faced with people who have annoyed the fire out of me lately. So for future reference, these things annoy me:

*When people say I'm doing something for attention...especially when they said it in front of other people, 'cause no matter what I say I look stupid. Don't assume that crap, I hate it!

*When I get upset about something and people are all like, "HEY, WHOA, RELAX. BREATHE. YOU'RE OH-KAY. Just CALM DOWN" or whatever. Ugh that annoys me, I just want to slap their face. Don't say that stuff unless I'm throwing puppies or hyperventilating, ok?

*I'm extraordinarily annoyed when people can't stop talking for hours at a time... if I can count 5 seconds or less between sentences (and I'm not even engaged in the conversation at all) for more than 10 minutes and we're not talking about something deep, and you're just trying to think of random crap to say to fill the void, stop, please. I am so exhausted after hanging out with people like that. I mean it's not that they're trying to annoy me, which is why I kinda feel bad cause they just want to talk to me, but doggonnit, I just need moments of silence for Pete's sake! If you're reading this, you're probably not one of them so don't be paranoid. Almost all of my friends are fantastic with this ;)

Can anyone else relate?

Olympics

2008-08-10T20:43:00.003-04:00

I love the Olympics... and I like this commercial I saw tonight as I was watching it..

Oh and we made $1,030 yesterday at my fundraising car wash for Slovakia. Woohoo!

Snippits...

2008-08-08T22:40:00.005-04:00

A few random things:

Today a spider as big as the palm of my hand (no exaggeration) was at work, crawling towards me fast. I almost wet myself...then made somebody kill it.

The opening ceremony for the Olympics were grrrrrreat!

Today, someone mistook my name (online) for a porn star in the Czech Republic with the same name, and offered to give me $3,000 to..well you know..find him and in his broken English words, "do sexo". Good times.

I saw La Vie En Rose again last night and really really liked it, a lot more than the first time. Check it out.

Tomorrow morning we're having my car wash. Please pray that I get some support, or maybe enough random people who want to help support missions.

I had a really fantastic burger at Burger King today as well- it's called the Loaded Steakhouse Burger. It's worth your time, trust me.

My nerves have become more and more unsettled lately. Meaning, I have no patience for certain things anymore..and my control-freak personality is starting to come out a bit. I can't say publicly why, but let's just say I want to slap some people's faces at work on a regular basis but since I'm not technically the boss, I can't. Booo. That's just one example out of many.

I'm not tired but I gotta wake up at 7 to scrub cars :( Bye now.

Batman, La Vie En Rose, and Cloverfield Reviews

2008-08-05T11:44:00.005-04:00

My expectations going in to see Batman were very high, mostly because every single person I knew who had seen it said it was amazing. I usually try not to have any expectations going in to see a movie because usually I'm disappointed. This time though, I couldn't help it. I arrived early to save seats for me and my German friends going with me, I sat in my special OCD seat (1/3 of the way up, in front of the bars to put my feet up on, directly in the center) and even bought an outrageously expensive large cup of soda (Diet Coke and Dr. Pepper mixed).

I think the Master Card commercial fits here..

Movie ticket: $8.50
Large soda: $4.75
Seeing Dark Knight: Priceless

Anyhoo... my expectations were met with this movie. Wow. I loved it. Probably one of the best films I've seen in at least a year or two. The Joker! DUDE! I'm not saying this because it was Heath's last performance or because of the hype, I seriously thought it was the best movie he's ever made. I forgot he was an actor, I forgot who the actor was, he was brilliant, poetic, and downright creepy. It's always harder to play the villain than to play the good guy, and I think he even beats Jack Nick. at being the Joker.

The film was intricate; it had so many details I could barely keep up. But this didn't frustrate me, this made me want to watch it 20 more times to figure it out. During and after the movie I still had questions, like: When did Joker capture Harvey and the girl? I kinda wish it had shown that going down cause all the sudden they're in captivity and it kinda confused me.

Best action scene ever? When Batman's car got clobbered and he revs up his engine and bursts out of his car with that sweeeeet motorcycle! I started clapping it was so great. Honestly, I don't really think I have any complaints about the movie that won't go away when I see it again. Yep. Oh, and if you're interested in seeing it, don't be stupid and wait till it comes out on video. Go to the theater and splurge on it cause a home TV won't do it justice! 9.9 stars out of 10!

La Vie En Rose got a ton of Oscars, so naturally I was very interested in seeing it. I want to watch it again to get more of the details and also do some more research on Edith Piaf. What attracted me to the film, honestly, was her voice. It's very unique and has a lot of punch for such a little woman. It's in French, in subtitles, so expect that. I thought the acting was great and showed her life story in a very realistic way. There are some 'sensual scenes' you might want to look out for, but it's not too obscene. She was basically brought up in a brothel for part of her life. Anyway, check it out.

I didn't get caught up in the hype when this field was coming out. I heard a few bad things about it so I didn't really bother with it. Someone told me it was like a modern day Godzilla, which didn't interest me at all. I've gotta say though, for some reason I really really enjoyed it! I couldn't peel me eyes off the screen as I watched for most of the time and I was on the edge of my seat. It wasn't necessarily SCARY like a horror film, but there were a few scenes that scared me just enough to like it kinda. I am not a sci-fi kinda girl, please know this, but the sci-fi stuff here was kinda cool.

I thought it was really entertaining...maybe because my expectations were very very low? Oh and the character development was actually pretty good too for such an action film, which I appreciate.

A lot of people complained about the scale of the animal- like sometimes it looked really small and other times it looked as big as a skyscraper. Honestly, I didn't care and barely noticed. They also said that no camcorder out there could last for as long as this camcorder did, but who cares. Yep, good stuff.

"Raising Sand" Review

2008-08-02T13:47:00.002-04:00

Wow, where to begin? Today I wanted to share my thoughts on the most recent cooperative album released by rock legend Robert Plant (of Led Zeppelin) and Allison Krauss (of AK and Union Station). What first attracted me to this album was the fact that literally two of my top music 'idols', two people who have heartily influenced me as musicians, two people who have seemingly nothing in common in any way, have come together to create something different.

I just couldn't believe that such different musicians that I love would ever come together! I remember having a huge smile on my face, eyes wide open, when I saw this album cover when it first came out, thinking, "This is going to be really interesting."

I was not proven wrong either. This has got to be one of the most interesting albums I own. Not just interesting, but fascinating! I just sat here and soaked up the music for an hour or so, and I am just moved to a different place, if that makes any sense. You know how when you listen to different kinds of music, your brain automatically changes images in your mind? When I listen to very soft soothing music, my brain flashes images of things that soothe me. When I listen to rap music my brain flashes images of the rappers, their image, their lifestyle, violence, etc.

Well when I listen to this, I have no idea what to imagine. Well, in some of the songs such as "Sister Rosetta Goes Before Us" or "Trampled Rose" (WOW), I imagine rowing a small carved out boat through a swamp in Louisiana to my small shack in the middle of nowhere. Other songs, such as "Polly Come Home" or "Through the Morning, Through the Night", invoke a certain sensual and soothing sound and take me to a cold, rainy day, cuddled up with somebody drinking coffee.

This album is most assuredly not for everybody. It is out of the comfort zone for both Allison and Robert, but one can see that with these musicians thrown out of a genre they usually wouldn't dive into, something (I dare say) magical happens. If you have an open mind, want to hear something unique, and respect Allison and Robert's unique style and voice, go get this album.

Check this stuff out..

Probably my favorite song of the album... Wow. Don't know what those pics are though.

Stupid video, but here's Trampled Rose

General video of explanation...

http://www.robertplantalisonkrauss.com/site.php (you can listen to the album here I think)

Oh no you di'nt!

2008-07-31T17:09:00.002-04:00

So in Ethiopia I regularly bought two drinks- the Ethiopian Macchiato, and the Spres. (Both of which cost me like 25 cents each! I want to introduce you to the Spres. It is a "drink" that you eat with a spoon, full of different types of fruit ground up to a thick consistency, and layered by color. In Ethiopia they usually serve it with 5-6 types of fruit in a tall, beautiful glass. It's not mixed with ice, mind you, so usually it was room temperature.

I have literally been craving a spres since 2004. I finally attempted it on my own, but only with 3 (technically 4 I guess) fruits. The bottom is whipped sweetened avocado, then mango, avocado again, then peaches, then a few drops of blueberry. I just sat down and devoured this stuff. Oh, and don't let the avocado scare you. Usually it's used with salty food or guacamole, but if you get a perfectly ripe one, it has a natural sweetness to it, and when it's whipped with sugar and water, OH YUM...or is it "MNAM!"

Coffee Shops and Anger (@%*#$%)

2008-07-31T12:09:00.006-04:00

What is it about coffee shops that provoke deep conversations with such intense spiritual turmoil? It's a dynamic that I have never seen in any other establishment and I'm pretty fascinated by it. I'm convinced that mixing a coffee shop environment in some kind of ministry effort CAN work, if done properly. I've also seen it attempted and utterly failed, hence the thousands of crappy Christian coffee shops around the country. Anyway, that's a different rant for a different day.

I'm doing a little better I guess. I'm just forcing myself to get over whatever's going on. I'm going to fulfill my responsibilities anyway, no matter how apathetic I am towards everything right now, because I don't really have any other options! Last week during a youth group meeting I attended, we talked about anger and what biblical anger is. The point of the discussion was to prove that it's okay if we're angry about something, but we shouldn't sin while doing it. This got me thinking "How do I sin when I'm angry?" It wasn't till just now as I write this that I realize how I sin when I'm angry. I've been dealing with some anger issues over the past few days and I am sinning in the midst of it because I'm a lazy sloth when I'm angry, I'm apathetic towards everything (inner thoughts, actions), and most of all, I'm not trusting God for whatever reason I'm angry for in the first place. I could keep talking but I don't want to open a flood gate. :)

Make you wanna' smack yo' mama...

2008-07-30T15:17:00.004-04:00

I am officially now a fan of peanut butter cookies thanks to Petra...especially eating with a Dr. Pepper like I did on the way home. Wow. I think I never liked them before cause people never made them special, no texture or anything, too boring. We had one in Atlanta that was pretty good, but I decided to try to make some special ones when I got home to satisfy my craving. So these cookies have dark chocolate, white chocolate, peanut butter chips, crushed peanuts, and of course peanut butter. If you'd like the recipe, let me know! I kinda made some of it up...

Flippin' Heck

2008-07-29T00:24:00.000-04:00

I'm in a real poo state of mind so I'm not going to write anything important today. I'll catch up some day soon but I feel like crap now.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...and Buses

2008-07-21T10:03:00.003-04:00

Sorry, I have to complain. So I'm going down to Atlanta this week. About a month ago I had planned to get a ride with a friend cause her daughter lives really close to my friend. Long story short, that fell through because of a scheduling miscommunication between her and her family that was visiting that week. So at the "last minute" I searched for another type of ticket- be it plane, train, rental car or bus. I decided to be a cheap bum and get a bus ticket. What Greyhound DIDN'T tell me was that I would not only be on the bus for 14 hours (a usual 5 hour trip by car), but I would be in the skanky bus station from like 1 am till 5 am coming back.

Needless to say, I wasn't excited about this layover or the idea of carrying my computer and camera in a downtown bus station alone in the middle of the night. I did it anyway though cause it was semi-cheap. Long story short, I needed to cancel the bus ticket and get a rental car because the car we were supposed to use in Atlanta fell through.

Soooo I bought a rental car reservation yesterday and am trying to cancel my bus ticket now (I spent extra on getting a refundable ticket). Well, my point of this entry is to not ever depend on Greyhound Bus Lines to be customer service oriented. They suck. Check this out, I call customer service for a refund- a thick-accented Hispanic chic says, "Jew have to go een da boos termeenal for da reefoond." I wait two days till the terminal opens and I call them. A thick accented rude southern old black man rudely says, " I cain't do nuthin' about it and I ain't even gonna' try to make it work on dis' here computa' cause I'd get in trouble and you shouldn't even come down here to try".

Well, they don't do refunds online. So I find refund info online. It says to POSTAL mail a refund request! HA! So I start filling out a postal request which is ridiculous, but stop in the middle of it to call them to see if it's okay if they get my request AFTER the date my trip was set for.

The hispanic gentleman says I can just call this customer service number. So I hang up and call them, and guess what? An automated recording says I have to go in the terminal or send a postal request!!! AAAAHHHH! So now I'm really ticked off, and I call the customer service number again. She finally gives me a refund but says I have to wait 6-8 weeks for it.

Moral of this story? Make enough money in your job to just buy a rental car or plane ticket in the first place. :)

The Listening Christian / Good Sermons

2008-07-20T14:46:00.003-04:00

I used to belong to this small group. It was technically the college group of one of my churches, but since there were hardly any college aged kids there, it was very small. It was the best small group I've ever belonged to and I remember it often in sadness that I don't have it anymore.

Something happened one night that I think about all the time. I think about it in frustration though, not of joy. One night we had a friend of one of the members come to join us. It was a male and most of us were females. He was very open in the fact that he did not believe in God and had many reasons not to. At one point the leader gave him the floor and allowed him to tell us what he was thinking about. He willingly accepted and for about 5 minutes or so he told us all the reasons why Jesus didn't exist and Christianity was a hoax.

We all sat there, diligently listening to him, not interrupting or being pushy. It started to get a bit awkward for a few people eventually because no one was saying anything - we were just thinking. As we were thinking and pondering on such strong words he uttered, the male leader spoke up and said quietly with a face of disgust, "You know guys, I'm honestly really disappointed in you all. You just sat there and let our guest call your faith, your reason for living a complete hoax. You didn't say anything back and you didn't argue with him. I'm just really disappointed in you." This meant a lot to us who belonged to the group because we really respected and loved our leader. (Hard to hear criticism from someone you respect, right?) He then changed the subject to our book study and left it like that. At the time, we all felt like fools and walked out the door that night with our heads held low. We felt embarrassed and defeated. The guest and the group leader felt like he won that battle.

Over the years as I pondered this situation, I grow more and more frustrated with how the leader handled that situation. What frustrated me was that we were shutting up and listening to our guest share his opinion. Though we didn't agree with it, we let him share. We also didn't jump down his back after his last word and tell him why he's going to hell and he's wrong while we shut our eyes and plug our ears saying, "LA LA LA can't hear you, you're wrong, LA LA LA". We didn't gang up on him and throw stones at him or verbal low-blows. We just shut up and listened. Perhaps this dude had never had a Christian, or a group of Christians for that matter, just listen to him.

Though I admit it would have been better if at least one of us had said something reassuring to him, or asked him questions or something, I believe we did the right thing at the time. I believe this because I think bringing people to Christ isn't about winning arguments. It's not about looking good, and making them feel like crap all the time. It's about shutting up, listening, loving and pointing them in the right direction. It's about taking time, sometimes even years to reach out to someone, not looking good in front of your youth group leader for a few minutes.

If I had to go through that situation again I probably would have only done one thing different- I would have not let that guy walk out that door without exchanging contact information and really making an effort to reach out to him...or at least put him in contact with a male friend.

I guess I'm saying this on here because since then, for like 4 years or so, I have frequently thought about that night and tried to figure out what I did wrong and how bad we all looked as Christians in front of that guy. But I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm not disappointed in my group and how that went down, but disappointed in how my leader expected us to jump down his throat like an overbearing Christian. That's not, my friends, what our faith is all about.

By the way, I don't know if I've ever suggested that someone listen to my home church's online sermons, so consider this a historical moment. Lately Gary Hendrix (the Mac Daddy pastor I've grown up listening to) has preached some excellent sermons. Here's the link, look for Gary's sermons, especially towards the bottom. http://www.grbc.net/sermons/ Enjoy!